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That '70s Show: Eric's Burger Job

105. Eric's Burger Job

Aired September 27, 1998

After Eric gets his first job working at a burger place, he's too busy to spend time with Donna when her parents go away for the weekend.

Quote from Kitty

Eric: So, Dad, the guys and I are thinking about getting jobs.
Kitty: No, no, no. You have a job. It's your job to get good grades, go to college, graduate and... leave me.

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Quote from Red

Red: Don't slouch.
Eric: Wouldn't that fall under the "stand up straight" category?
Red: See? That's a smartmouth. You're fired, Mr. Smartmouth. See? That's how that works.

Quote from Red

Hyde: Well, what do you know, Kelso? We're out of beer. You know what? Forman's old man's got a fridge in the garage and I know he's got beer in it.
[Once again, Red sits up in his chair. As Hyde, Kelso and Fez sneak into Red's garage, they stumble into the lawn mower, making a loud clatter. As they reach the fridge, they are illuminated by the head lights of the Vista Cruiser. The guys scream.]
Kelso: [points to Fez] It was his idea.
Fez: Remind me to kick your ass.
Hyde: Uh, hey, Red. Uh... Is Forman around?
Red: Well, he sure as hell is not inside that fridge. [drinks beer]

Quote from Red

Eric: Dad, I'm quitting my job.
Red: You're quitting?
Eric: Yeah, I'm quitting. I'm irresponsible, I'm a quitter, and I couldn't kill a cow with a hammer. So what do you say to that?
Red: Well, everybody quits their first job, Eric. It's no big deal.
Eric: What? That's it? I gotta say, Dad, I'm a little disappointed here.
Red: I mean, it wasn't a man's job anyway.
Kitty: Red.
Red: Come on, Kitty, it was a hair-net name-tag, nothing kind of a job.
Eric: That's more like it.
Red: It's just as well. It was cutting into your chores anyway. You did a half-assed job sweeping the driveway.
Kitty: I thought he did a wonderful job.
Red: It didn't look wonderful to me.
Kitty: Okay, then. Sweep it yourself.

Quote from Hyde

Donna: Why are you looking for a job?
Eric: Everything costs money. Gas, clothes... fun.
Kelso: Dates. Dates cost money.
Fez: No, Kelso, that is prostitution.
Hyde: Dating is prostitution, man. Only you don't always get what you pay for.
Donna: Said the man who's never had a girlfriend.
Hyde: What, you guys don't remember Esther, the biker chick?
Eric: Whatever happened to her?
Hyde: She's dating my uncle.

Quote from Red

Red: Kitty, when I was his age, I worked in a slaughterhouse. It was a good experience. I learned how to use a hammer. [laughs]
Eric: Uh, the new Fatso Burger's hiring people. Jackie's dad owns it. So I guess I could get a job there.
Kitty: There is plenty of time later to get a job to grind the joy out of your life.
Red: It's never too early. But let me tell you something. Work is not about fun. It's about work. It's about seeing how much crap you can take from the boss-man. And then taking some more. And remember... Hey, look at me. Only quitters quit.
Eric: So, can I work?
Red: Well, we're sure as hell gonna find out now, aren't we?

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: I can't believe Forman missed all of those signals.
Donna: What signals?
Hyde: [feminine voice] Oh, no. Poor me all alone in my big house. Just me and my nightie. If only there was some scrawny little neighbor boy here.
Donna: He's not scrawny. You know, why am I even talking to you?
Hyde: I'm all you got.
Donna: Oh, my God. So everybody knows? [lays down on the couch]
Hyde: I'm afraid so.
Donna: I just wanted to spend some time with him alone and now I can't.
Hyde: How does that make you feel?
Donna: Frustrated. It's frustrating as hell. I mean, I really put myself out there.
Hyde: I see. And do you have trouble sleeping at night?
Donna: Sometimes, yeah, I do.
Hyde: Do you think you'd sleep better if you had a scrawny little neighbor boy up next to you?

Quote from Red

Red: Okay, let's hear it.
Eric: Hello, my name is Eric Forman. [shakes Red's hand]
Red: No, no. Not with a loose hand. Firm. Not like a... fish. Again.
Eric: Hello, my name-
Red: No. Step into it. Stand up straight.
Eric: Straight-up and hold the fish.
Red: Don't be a smartmouth.
Eric: Right. No smartmouth.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Ooh, ooh, ooh. Tell them about your junior achievement experience.
Red: Oh, they could give a rat's ass about that.
Kitty: Okay, show them your honorable mention from the science fair.
Red: Again.
Kitty: Right, rat's ass.

Quote from Hyde

Ricky: First of all, people who work at Fatso Burger are special. Now, I know you're looking at me and wondering how do I get where Ricky is? If you work hard, pay attention and use the proper finger-release technique on the slant cup dispenser, you could be me. Now, let's get started. Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?
[montage:]
Eric: I just think it will be a wonderful experience.
Kelso: My girlfriend's dad owns it.
Fez: I love the uniforms.
Hyde: To unionize the workers, man.

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