Red: Eric, how the hell can you wear a Bears jersey at a Packer game?
Donna: Okay, maybe he doesn't understand why it's wrong. Let me tell you in a way how you can understand. The Packers are like the Jedi, and you're wearing a "Go Darth Vader" jersey.
Eric: Donna, that's ridiculous. The Jedi don't play football. They play Manuku.
Hyde: Forman, this is worse than when you wore the Air Supply T-shirt to the Aerosmith concert.
Red: For God sakes, will you just take the damn jersey off?
Eric: No. You know what? I like rooting for the underdog, okay? I am the underdog in real life. I like Charlie Brown.
I like The Little Engine That Could. I like the Bears.

Red: Come on. Let's go tell your mom about our day. Oh, hey, where'd you learn all those fighting moves, by the way?
Eric: Spider-Man.
Red: I had to ask.

Kitty: I can't believe you got into a fight.
Eric: You know, I'm thinking about becoming a boxer. They may have to invent a whole new weight class. Hey, what's lighter than a feather?

Hyde: Well, I'm going because I'm fine.
Jackie: Well, good, 'cause I'm fine, too. In fact, I'm superfine.
Kelso: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm the one who's superfine here. All right. I got the T-shirt that says so.
Donna: Well, you also have a T-shirt that says, "I'm with stupid," and the arrow is pointing straight up.
Kelso: Yeah, I hate that T-shirt. It doesn't even make any sense. Who's above me?

Hyde: Okay, listen, here's the plan. We've got two tickets and there's three of us. So I'm gonna go inside with one of you guys. The guy who comes inside with me, takes two stubs, comes back outside, brings inside the guy who's waiting outside. You got it?
Fez: Why can't you wait outside?
Kelso: Yeah, why can't you?
Hyde: Because I have a ticket.
Kelso: Oh, that makes sense.
Fez: Okay, yeah.
Hyde: Okay, now, to see who's coming in with me, instead of drawing straws, we'll draw tickets, okay? So, Kelso, you go first.
Kelso: All right, I got one.
Fez: Damn! Well, at least it was fair.

Hyde: Where's Kelso?
Fez: Outside, of course.
Hyde: Why?
Fez: Um, we don't have enough tickets. How can you not get this?
Hyde: Moron, how many ticket stubs do you have on you?
Fez: I have two, mine and yours, which, and try to keep up, is why he's outside and we're inside.
Hyde: Okay, good. Now go take both ticket stubs and bring Kelso in.
Fez: But then how would you get into the game?
Hyde: I'm already in the game! Now go!
Fez: Okay, okay. But you catch more flies with honey.

Bob: All right, Kitty, I think we need to talk about what happened in the kitchen.
Kitty: Yeah, what the heck were you doing, Bob? I haven't been goosed like that since we won the war.
Bob: I thought you were falling.
Kitty: I wasn't falling. Why would you think I was falling?
Bob: You said "Oh, jeez," and that's what I say when I'm gonna fall. Oh, jeez.
Kitty: I just said that because I couldn't find your damn refried beans. And both hands, Bob?
Bob: I needed leverage.
Kitty: Well, all I know is we have to keep this a secret. If Red finds out, he'll cut your hands off.
Bob: Fine. We won't say another word about it. Although, about it, may I say, bravo.
Kitty: Jane Fonda. [chuckles]

Bob: Thanks again for inviting me over for the game, Kitty.
Kitty: Well, it'll be fun. Red never lets me watch the game because one time, seven years ago, the Packers won at the last minute while I was in the kitchen. Now I have to sit in the kitchen every freaking Sunday.
Bob: Okay, Kitty, I need the Packers to win by more than seven. I got a Hunsky riding on it.
Kitty: We call them Hungarians now, Bob.
Bob: No, I bet $100. Hey, you want in for $10?
Kitty: Yes, please. [laughs] Oh, I feel like a gangster's wife. [laughs] Ooh, how about I get you some pretzels?
Bob: I don't want to be any trouble.
Kitty: Oh, it's no trouble at all.
Bob: No, you didn't let me finish. I don't want to be any trouble, but I'm gonna need something hot. Maybe something with refried beans and a little cheese drizzled on it.

Eric: Okay, I hate to say it, you guys, but I think one of these tickets has to go to my dad. So that means one of us has to sit this out. Let me see. Eenie, meenie, miney, Kelso.
Kelso: What? How could you choose your dad over me?
Eric: Look, my dad is a huge Packers fan, and he's never even been to a game.
Hyde: Forman, it's not a problem. We can all go. Me, Kelso and Fez will do the old ticket stub switch.
Fez: Ooh, that sounds dirty.
Hyde: Well, it's not.
Fez: I'll do it anyway.
Jackie: What exactly sounds dirty about "ticket stub switch"?
Fez: Oh, come on. "Stub, switch." What are you, frigid?

Eric: Hey, Dad, say, could you give me a ride this Sunday afternoon at, I don't know, 1:00?
Red: Eric, this is football season. I know this doesn't mean much to you since there are no flying men with capes involved, but I can't drive you anywhere on Sunday until the spring. And then your mother can do it.
Eric: Well, what if it was a ride to legendary Lambeau Field, where the Packers are playing the Bears, and where you will be sitting next to me on the 50-yard line?
Red: Eric.
Eric: What do you say, Dad? This'll be great, huh?
Kitty: Honey, are you crying?
Red: No. [runs out]