‘I Can't Quit You, Baby’
Season 5, Episode 2 - Aired September 24, 2002
When Eric and Donna are punished for going to California, Red takes the keys to Eric's Vista Cruiser and Bob sends Donna to Catholic school. Meanwhile, Eric and Donna discover Hyde and Jackie's relationship.
Quote from Bob
Bob: A little time apart will do you kids some good. So, Donna, I transferred you to the Catholic high school, Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.
Bob: That's right. You're starting this week so you better get out your Bible and brush up on your Ten Commandments and that thing about the dwarfs.
Quote from Red
Eric: Look, Dad, I need my car. Don't you remember when you were in high school? I bet you had some good times driving around senior year with your friends.
Red: My senior year, I was driving a gunboat around Okinawa. And if you count the Japanese snipers as my friends... then, yes, I had some good times.
Kitty: You have to understand, Eric. It's not that your father's trying to be a bad guy. It's just that he's been irreparably damaged by war.
Quote from Red
Red: Of all the dumbass stunts you kids ever pulled, this little California adventure takes the dumbass cake!
Quote from Bob
Kitty: We are very disappointed in you, Eric. Even though going to California to rescue Donna is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard of.
Bob: That's true. If he had gone by horse, they would have made it a movie.
Quote from Eric
Donna: Look, Mr. Forman before you get all scary and pink, I just want to say that running away to California was completely selfish and immature.
Eric: And, as for me, as long as I live under your roof and eat your food, I should be doing things your way.
Red: What a load of crap! You two are not above the law. Now, Eric, hand over the keys to the Vista Cruiser.
Eric: What? Dad, no. The Cruiser's my Batmobile. Without it, I'm just a guy in a silly outfit.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Wait a second. You two look sweaty and guilty. Have you been eating my candy?
Jackie: What candy?
Fez: I didn't say "candy." And I certainly don't have any candy hidden in the garage. [monotone] I will be in the garage.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: Oh, God. Steven, that was way too close. You need to learn to keep your hands off me.
Hyde: Me? You're the one who can't keep her tongue to herself.
Jackie: Please. I let you fool around with me out of pity.
Hyde: You know what your problem is? You're really cute so no one ever told you to shut your piehole.
Jackie: You think I'm cute?
Hyde: Shut your piehole! [they kiss]
Quote from Eric
Jackie: Wait. Donna, you're actually gonna go to Catholic school?
Donna: Not just Catholic school, Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow. That means "sad forever." Eric, we're never even gonna see each other.
Eric: Yeah, I know. And I can't even drive you to school. And we can forget about any lunchtime hokey-pokey. That's what it's all about.
Quote from Jackie
Hyde: Man, it sucks not having a car. Well, I'm gonna go drive mine. Catch you guys later.
Jackie: Wait, wait, Steven. Where are you going?
Hyde: What do you care?
Jackie: I don't. [Hyde leaves] Um... you know, I just remembered that I have to go to the mall because they're having this big Monday Madness sale.
Donna: Jackie? It's Tuesday.
Jackie: See? Total madness! [exits]
Kelso: Poor kid, trying to replace me with shopping.
Quote from Kelso
Donna: Eric, what are we gonna do? I mean, if I go to this school, our senior year is ruined. I mean, we're not even gonna graduate together.
Eric: You know what? Bob is not sending you to that Catholic school. Now we're gonna sit down, we're gonna figure out what we're gonna do. Guys? Let's get serious.
Eric: It's simple. I'm gonna march over there and talk to Bob. I love a good march. [chuckles] My birthday is in March. And then it's on to April. April showers. Oh! The Seduction of Eric Forman starring in the insatiable April Showers. [laughs]
Donna: Are you really gonna go talk to my dad for me? Eric, you're so sweet and brave. Pound for pound, you're like the bravest guy in the whole world. I love you so much!
Fez: Well, my candy is safe. But something was up with Jackie. She looked scared like a deer in the headlights with his pants down.
Kelso: Man, I feel sorry for Jackie. I mean, to have to look at this all day and not be able to touch it? I can't even do that!
[The camera pans to an empty seat and then crosses to Eric sitting with Donna]
Eric: I love you.
Donna: I love you more.
Kelso: Hey! You two quit it! Okay? This circle is sacred. You don't do anything in here that you wouldn't do in a church! No, wait. In a cemetery. Wait. In the teachers' lounge. Man, I've done it everywhere.