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Take It or Leave It

‘Take It or Leave It’

Season 7, Episode 23 -  Aired May 11, 2005

Donna is upset about Eric's decision to spend a year teaching in Africa. When Jackie gets a job offer in Chicago, she wants Hyde to make a commitment to their relationship before she decides what to do. Meanwhile, Red's navy buddy's son, Charlie (Bret Harrison), visits.

Quote from Jackie

Donna: I cannot believe Eric went out. He's supposed to be at home agonizing.
Jackie: Well, maybe they went out to buy flowers for when Steven proposes.
Donna: No, they would have just sent Fez. They're out having fun, and that is exactly what we're gonna do.
Jackie: Okay, here's what I don't get. Why would Sally sell seashells down by the seashore? I mean, that's a terrible location for a seashell stand.
Donna: Yeah, I mean, if she wanted to make money, she would sell seashells by the subway.
Jackie: You know what she should sell by the seashore? Shoeshines, 'cause your sandals get so sandy.
Donna: Sandy sandals. We should start a girl band called Sandy Sandals. What's wrong?
Jackie: Well, sand reminds me of dirt, and dirt reminds me of Steven.
Donna: Jackie, I'm sure Hyde will do the right thing.
Jackie: You know, I thought if I really put myself out there, he'd see how much I love him and say yes right away. And then when he didn't, I thought, okay, well, maybe he'll take a couple hours and then say yes. But now I think he's only taking so long 'cause he's gonna say no. Donna, what if he says no?
Donna: Jackie, if Hyde says no, then you and I get a van, and the Sandy Sandals tour America.


Quote from Hyde

Eric: Hey, Hyde, I heard about Jackie. What are you gonna do?
Hyde: Well, I spent all morning kicking it back with my stash to see what came to me. But all that came to me was a great idea for a movie that now I just can't remember.

Quote from Eric

Red: Eric, you remember Charlie.
Eric: Well, I remember a perfectly tossed egg from me, an unconvincing "whoops" from him, and the sound of laughter as some children ran away with my goldfish in a bag.
Charlie: Eric, you put some kind of spin on that egg, it was uncatchable like a curveball.
Eric: Ha. Your whole story's unraveling, man. I can't throw a curveball. Dad, tell him.
Red: I'm gonna have to side with my son on this one. He can't even throw a straight ball.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Charlie, I made you a pancake smiley face with sausage arms and a little scrambled egg cardigan. [laughs]
Eric: Where's my whimsical breakfast?
Kitty: Oh, well, since you decided to go teach in Africa without consulting me, all you get is a plain pancake breakfast with nothing smiling at you. Nothing.

Quote from Kitty

Eric: Oh, hey, Donna. Are you still mad about this whole Africa thing?
Donna: Yep, but instead of pouting at my house and being miserable, I decided to come here and make you miserable.
Kitty: That's the spirit, Donna. Here, eat his bacon.
Eric: You made me bacon?
Kitty: Yep, I just kept it over here in America.
Donna: Mmm. Bacon.

Quote from Fez

[beer circle:]
Kelso: There's nothing like drinking beer straight from the tap. This must be why babies love breast-feeding.
Hyde: Reminds me of an ancient Chinese proverb. It goes, something, something, something, crazy girlfriend, something, something, drink lots of beer.
Eric: [gargles] Hyde, I don't think we're gonna find the answer to our problems in a keg of beer. Unless they're at the bottom, so drink up.
Charlie: I've been in this warehouse a hundred times, and I never did this. Now I know why my grandmother's an alcoholic. This is great.
Fez: [squirts beer into mouth] I'm gonna need a bigger mouth.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: You know, Donna, you should be out there trying to keep Eric from going to Africa instead of sitting here on your patootie.
Donna: Well, I'm doing everything I can. I even lied to him and told him I was out on a date with another guy.
Kitty: Sweetie, that's amateur hour. God gave you a very full chest, I suggest you start using it on my son.

Quote from Fez

Charlie: And in a nutshell, that's what it's like to be on the debate team at a Catholic high school.
Kelso: Yeah, I love Catholic schoolgirls. They don't teach sex ed, so they don't know what not to do.
Charlie: Yeah, maybe, but I never really got together with any of them.
Eric: Wait, you never...
Fez: Wait, wait, wait, everyone, wait. Before you start in on him, let me just say, when I was a virgin, all I wanted was for one person to say it was okay. And no one did. Neither will I. Freak!

Quote from Red

Red: All right, you two, where's Charlie?
Eric: Look, Dad, not so loud, okay? We had a really rough night.
Red: Oh, I'm sorry. [shouts] Where's Charlie?
Hyde: Who's Charlie?
Eric: Last time I saw him, he was on a stack of kegs claiming Mount Schlitz for the US.
Red: Oh, crap, and he was a good kid. Now who am I gonna spend time with?
Eric: I don't know. Me.
Red: Don't be a smart ass.

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: Well, it's almost noon. Guess I gotta go talk to Jackie.
Eric: What are you gonna tell her?
Hyde: I don't know, man. I'm thinking about letting the El Camino make the final decision. If it pulls to the left, marriage, pulls to the right, nudie bar.
Eric: So you haven't decided?
Hyde: No, I've decided.
Kitty: [enters] Steven? Jackie stopped by and asked me to give you this note.
Hyde: Oh. It says she took the job in Chicago and she left this morning.
Kitty: Oh, you poor baby. You know what? I am gonna turn my back and let you go into the kitchen and have a beer.

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