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That '70s Show: Hyde's Birthday

423. Hyde's Birthday

Aired April 23, 2002

Hyde isn't exactly looking forward to his 18th birthday, especially when it's clear Kitty is going to throw him a party no matter what he says.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Red. Hey. You're wondering why I'm going through your stuff. Okay. That's... See, I needed, uh... to borrow your saw... because I need to chop down a tree. Because there's something stuck in it. An animal. A rabbit. There's a rabbit stuck in a tree. And I want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs.
Red: Kelso, rabbits don't- How the hell did a rabbit get up a tree?
[Eric and Donna sneak into the garage as Red and Kelso stand on the drive]
Kelso: Uh, Eric threw it up there.
Red: Eric threw a rabbit up a tree?
Kelso: Yeah. He's a sadistic bastard. You know he hit a cow?

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Quote from Leo

Hyde: Oh, hey, uh, I can work tomorrow night if you want me to.
Leo: You're not working tomorrow, man. It's your birthday.
Hyde: Yeah, man, my 18th birthday. Otherwise known as the beginning of the end. The black hole, man. It's the death march. Look, if there's a war, I could get drafted.
Leo: If there's a war, I'll see you in Canada.
Hyde: That's not the point, Leo. I mean, there's other stuff too, you know.
Leo: Hey, don't get snippy with me, man.

Quote from Kitty

Red: Any good mail?
Kitty: Well, we got the new Yarn Barn catalog. And the model is showing cleavage? You know, if I want that in my house, I will watch McMillan and Wife.

Quote from Donna

Kitty: Oh, Steven likes birthdays. He just doesn't know it. Which is why we're throwing him a surprise party. Now, I need two helpers with keen feminine sensibilities to help decorate. Jackie and Fez.
Fez: Yay.
Donna: What the hell? I'm feminine. I should kick her ass for that.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Must be a dud. Go find out.
Eric: Why me?
Kelso: 'Cause you're super skinny. If it blows up, you got the best chance of having stuff not hit you.
Eric: True, but on the other hand no one would be surprised if you blew yourself up.
Kelso: That's a good point.

Quote from Donna

Jackie: Wow.
Fez: Yeah, this place looks great.
Kitty: Fez, Jackie, the decorations are beautiful.
Donna: No. No, no, no, no. They haven't been here all day. I did this because I'm feminine too. I'm a lady. Why can't anyone freaking see that?
Kitty: Oh, honey, no. It's perfect. Okay, the next time I need a feminine touch, I am using you and Fez.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Steven, I thought you were at work.
Hyde: Not till later. Why are you baking so many cupcakes?
Kitty: I had four dozen eggs. They were gonna go bad.
Hyde: [clears throat] Mrs. Forman, I don't want a party. And I'm not saying that because I'm fishing for a party. I mean, I don't want a party.
Kitty: Uh-huh. [whisks]
Hyde: 'Cause I know how this family works. You guys say you don't want stuff that you actually want. Like on Mother's Day, you said you didn't want a fuss. But you did want a fuss. So we made a fuss, and you were happy? That can drive a guy nuts.
Red: It really can.
Hyde: So now, I don't know what to do or say or not say, because I really don't want a party.
Kitty: Well, I don't want to do anything you don't want.
Hyde: See, I don't know what that means.
Kitty: Well, it means there's no party. Oh, please. Would I lie to you about making you a party? I am hurt.
Hyde: Fine. Okay. I'm sorry. [exits]
Red: You lied.
Kitty: No, no. I said, "Would I lie?" It was very tricky. I was like Houdini, but with words.

Quote from Red

Red: Steven, you're 18 now. It's time to start being a man. And the first rule to being a man is you gotta spend your life doing crap you don't wanna do. Like right now, I don't wanna be here talking to you but I am. And you don't wanna go to a party but you will.
Hyde: Actually, I won't.
Red: [mock sympathy] What's the matter? You don't like parties? Me neither. But as long as you're living under my roof, you'll do what I tell you to do.
Hyde: Well, lucky for me, I won't be under your roof much longer anyway.
Red: What the hell you talking about?
Hyde: Well, I'm 18. I should be getting out of here, right? I mean, that's what my dad did and my uncle did and my cousins did. They were all on their own when they were my age.
Red: What are they doing now?
Hyde: Uh, pumping gas, prison, prison, dead, prison.
Red: And the reason you're living here is so you don't end up like them. But if you want to leave, I can't stop you. So, what's it gonna be, Steven? Prison, death or a birthday party?
Hyde: I guess I'll go to the party. [clears throat] Thanks, Red.
Red: You're welcome. And, uh... don't tell Eric that we had this little conversation. 'Cause when he's 18, he's out.

Quote from Kelso

Eric: You know what, you guys? Eighteen is a big deal. We ought to get Hyde, like, the perfect Hyde gift. So, you know what? Let's try to put ourselves in a total Hyde state of mind.
[circle:]
Eric: [chuckles] Yeah. Okay, now, what would Hyde want? Something stolen.
Donna: Stolen's good. But you know what's better? [snaps fingers] Stolen and dirty! So what's a good gift for Hyde that's stolen and dirty?
Kelso: Someone else's pig! No, no, wait. I got it! I got it. A street sign. We'll steal it, so it'll be stolen and it's dirty, so it'll be dirty.
Eric: Oh, my God. Kelso just solved his first word problem.
Kelso: Oh! Yeah, I learned those in Miss Carter's class 'cause I knew if I got one right that'd she'd give me a hug. No bra and they were always pointy. Now, that's good teaching.

Quote from Bob

Bob: No problem. You can have Hyde's party here. There's only one thing I ask. Can I come?
Kitty: The party's at your house, Bob. Of course you're invited.
Bob: Oh, boy, I'm in. I'll get my Anne Murray albums.

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