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Red and Stacey

‘Red and Stacey’

Season 4, Episode 10 -  Aired November 27, 2001

When Red tries to fix Eric up with a cashier at work, it turns out she's more interested in Red than Eric. Meanwhile, Donna and Jackie give Rhonda a make-over before her date with Fez.

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: Look, that chick likes Red because he's a tough guy, a hard-ass. You? You're soft.
Donna & Kelso: How soft is he, Hyde?
Hyde: Softer than Liberace at the Playboy Mansion.
Kelso: Yeah! [laughs] 'Cause he plays piano. Wait. [Donna whispers in Kelso's ear] Oh, burn! [howling laugh]
Eric: You guys kill me.


Quote from Fez

Fez: I just want her back like she was the first night I met her... on her knees, chugging beer straight from the keg.
Rhonda: But, Fez, I threw up twice that night.
Fez: Yes, all over my heart. You big, lovable, clumsy galoot. And now, it is time that you two left. Good day.
Jackie: But, Fez-
Rhonda: He said good day!

Quote from Red

Eric: So, I'm a duck, huh? Yeah, we'll see who's a duck. [Red enters] Oh. Hey, there you are. Yeah, we need to talk, man. I've been thinking out this whole Stacey thing- It's your fault. Yeah. You were too tough on me, so now I'm soft.
Red: Oh, boo-hoo. You don't know the first thing about tough. My old man was tough. When I was your age, he shipped me off to the navy. He sure as hell wasn't setting me up with cute cashiers. Which I'm sorry I did. Because now I've got this creepy little girl giving me google eyes all day and sticking heart-shaped notes in my locker. And on top of it all, I had to have a talk with your mother about infidelity. That was unpleasant! So you just be grateful that your dad doesn't yell at you 24 hours a day! And don't give me that look, because this isn't yelling! When I yell, you'll know it! [exits]
Eric: Well, thanks. Good talk.

Quote from Kitty

Red: Oh, Kitty. Oh, I need to talk to you. I just wanna say with regard to this Stacey thing- Look. [clears throat] I'm bound to attract a certain amount of attention. I can't help that. But I would never-
Kitty: Oh, Red. You wouldn't stray. You've got too much character. And who could blame her for being interested? You're certainly interesting to me.
Red: Really? Do you, uh have some spare time?
Kitty: Why? Am I on the clock?
Red: I'm thinking 45 minutes.
Kitty: Oh. The scenic route.

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: Well, I'm taking this chick up to the lake for some you know, bird-watching.
Kelso: Ooh, bird-watching. [chuckles] I think me and Jackie are going to go "bird-watching" too. It's cool, 'cause they don't know what we're talking about.
[Kitty and Red look at Kelso]
Hyde: Think they cracked it, Kelso.

Quote from Red

Eric: Well, I guess it's just us Three Musketeers tonight, huh? [chuckles] "All for one and one for all," right? [chuckles]
Kitty: Well, um, actually your father and I were gonna do some reading... upstairs... together.
Red: What your mom's trying to say is, "Go away for twenty minutes."
Kitty: Forty-five minutes, Red.
Red: Thirty.
Kitty: Thirty-five.
Red: Fine. Get lost for thirty-five minutes.
Eric: Fine. But you know what? I got a little question for you. Why have kids if you ain't gonna spend time with them? I suggest you use your thirty-five minutes to think about that. [exits]
Kitty: He needs a new girlfriend.
Red: Come on, Kitty. You're on the clock.
Kitty: Oh, you know what? Just turn off your clock. I'm gonna go talk to him. [exits]
Red: You can't turn off the clock! Oh, she doesn't understand the clock.

Quote from Red

Man: Look, dropout, this coupon says 20 cents off the athlete's foot cream, so pay up!
Red: Is there, uh, a problem here?
Stacey: [over P.A.] This sad little man has fungussy feet but won't spend the 20-
Red: Stacey.
Stacey: [sighs] Mr. Forman, his coupon expired.
Red: Oh, that's all right. [opens cash register] Here's your 20 cents. Now, you come again, huh?
Stacey: Mushroom foot.
Red: Stacey.
Stacey: [sighs] I'm sorry, Mr. Forman. It's just that he's such a dumbass. [pipe organ music plays]
Red: I like you.

Quote from Red

Eric: Hey. So, did she like me?
Red: Who?
Eric: Stacey.
Kitty: Who's Stacey?
Red: [clears throat] She's not interested.
Eric: She's not interested?
Kitty: How can she not be interested? Who is she?
Eric: See? I knew I shouldn't have let you talk to her. Great. Now she thinks I'm a freak.
Kitty: Oh, she doesn't think you're a freak. Does she?
Red: Yes. Yes, she does. You better stay away from her.
Kitty: Well, your father's right. If anyone's a freak, she is.
Eric: Did Stacey actually use the word "freak"?
Red: Why don't you just let it go? Maybe the reason girls don't like you is because you just don't let things go! Stacey was saying just that thing today.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Well, now, who is this Stacey who doesn't like my son? I have half a mind to call her mother.
Red: I tried to set Eric up with this pretty girl at wor- Well... [chuckles] not pretty. Decent. Less ugly than most. Good enough for a young boy, but no man would be interested.
Kitty: Red, what are you talking about?
Red: Why can't anyone in this family just let things go?
Kitty: Red, you're blushing. [gasps] Don't tell me she has a crush on you.
Red: Kitty, I don't wanna talk about it.
Kitty: Okay. So do you... like her back? [laughs]

Quote from Eric

Eric: Hi. Stacey. Hi. I'm Eric Forman. Look, I, uh, feel a little silly about my dad asking you out for me. You probably thought I was, like ugly or slow or something. So, I just wanted to say hi, you know, give you a chance to you know, take a gander at the goods, so to speak... [chuckles] And, uh, see if maybe, uh, tomorrow night you wanted to have dinner?
Stacey: At your house? Will your dad be there? 'Cause I'll go if he's there.
Eric: Okay. What, do you, like- [laughs] Do you, like, like my dad? [Stacey smiles] Oh, my God! You like my dad?
Stacey: Do you know if he's seeing anyone?
Eric: Yeah. My mom. And they bought furniture together, so yeah, I think it's pretty serious.

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