Hyde: Look, that chick likes Red because he's a tough guy, a hard-ass. You? You're soft.
Donna & Kelso: How soft is he, Hyde?
Hyde: Softer than Liberace at the Playboy Mansion.
Kelso: Yeah! [laughs] 'Cause he plays piano. Wait. [Donna whispers in Kelso's ear] Oh, burn! [howling laugh]
Eric: You guys kill me.

Fez: I just want her back like she was the first night I met her... on her knees, chugging beer straight from the keg.
Rhonda: But, Fez, I threw up twice that night.
Fez: Yes, all over my heart. You big, lovable, clumsy galoot. And now, it is time that you two left. Good day.
Jackie: But, Fez-
Rhonda: He said good day!

Eric: So, I'm a duck, huh? Yeah, we'll see who's a duck. [Red enters] Oh. Hey, there you are. Yeah, we need to talk, man. I've been thinking out this whole Stacey thing- It's your fault. Yeah. You were too tough on me, so now I'm soft.
Red: Oh, boo-hoo. You don't know the first thing about tough. My old man was tough. When I was your age, he shipped me off to the navy. He sure as hell wasn't setting me up with cute cashiers. Which I'm sorry I did. Because now I've got this creepy little girl giving me google eyes all day and sticking heart-shaped notes in my locker. And on top of it all, I had to have a talk with your mother about infidelity. That was unpleasant! So you just be grateful that your dad doesn't yell at you 24 hours a day! And don't give me that look, because this isn't yelling! When I yell, you'll know it! [exits]
Eric: Well, thanks. Good talk.

Red: Oh, Kitty. Oh, I need to talk to you. I just wanna say with regard to this Stacey thing- Look. [clears throat] I'm bound to attract a certain amount of attention. I can't help that. But I would never-
Kitty: Oh, Red. You wouldn't stray. You've got too much character. And who could blame her for being interested? You're certainly interesting to me.
Red: Really? Do you, uh have some spare time?
Kitty: Why? Am I on the clock?
Red: I'm thinking 45 minutes.
Kitty: Oh. The scenic route.

Hyde: Well, I'm taking this chick up to the lake for some you know, bird-watching.
Kelso: Ooh, bird-watching. [chuckles] I think me and Jackie are going to go "bird-watching" too. It's cool, 'cause they don't know what we're talking about.
[Kitty and Red look at Kelso]
Hyde: Think they cracked it, Kelso.

Eric: Well, I guess it's just us Three Musketeers tonight, huh? [chuckles] "All for one and one for all," right? [chuckles]
Kitty: Well, um, actually your father and I were gonna do some reading... upstairs... together.
Red: What your mom's trying to say is, "Go away for twenty minutes."
Kitty: Forty-five minutes, Red.
Red: Thirty.
Kitty: Thirty-five.
Red: Fine. Get lost for thirty-five minutes.
Eric: Fine. But you know what? I got a little question for you. Why have kids if you ain't gonna spend time with them? I suggest you use your thirty-five minutes to think about that. [exits]
Kitty: He needs a new girlfriend.
Red: Come on, Kitty. You're on the clock.
Kitty: Oh, you know what? Just turn off your clock. I'm gonna go talk to him. [exits]
Red: You can't turn off the clock! Oh, she doesn't understand the clock.

Man: Look, dropout, this coupon says 20 cents off the athlete's foot cream, so pay up!
Red: Is there, uh, a problem here?
Stacey: [over P.A.] This sad little man has fungussy feet but won't spend the 20-
Red: Stacey.
Stacey: [sighs] Mr. Forman, his coupon expired.
Red: Oh, that's all right. [opens cash register] Here's your 20 cents. Now, you come again, huh?
Stacey: Mushroom foot.
Red: Stacey.
Stacey: [sighs] I'm sorry, Mr. Forman. It's just that he's such a dumbass. [pipe organ music plays]
Red: I like you.

Eric: Hey. So, did she like me?
Red: Who?
Eric: Stacey.
Kitty: Who's Stacey?
Red: [clears throat] She's not interested.
Eric: She's not interested?
Kitty: How can she not be interested? Who is she?
Eric: See? I knew I shouldn't have let you talk to her. Great. Now she thinks I'm a freak.
Kitty: Oh, she doesn't think you're a freak. Does she?
Red: Yes. Yes, she does. You better stay away from her.
Kitty: Well, your father's right. If anyone's a freak, she is.
Eric: Did Stacey actually use the word "freak"?
Red: Why don't you just let it go? Maybe the reason girls don't like you is because you just don't let things go! Stacey was saying just that thing today.

Kitty: Well, now, who is this Stacey who doesn't like my son? I have half a mind to call her mother.
Red: I tried to set Eric up with this pretty girl at wor- Well... [chuckles] not pretty. Decent. Less ugly than most. Good enough for a young boy, but no man would be interested.
Kitty: Red, what are you talking about?
Red: Why can't anyone in this family just let things go?
Kitty: Red, you're blushing. [gasps] Don't tell me she has a crush on you.
Red: Kitty, I don't wanna talk about it.
Kitty: Okay. So do you... like her back? [laughs]

Eric: Hi. Stacey. Hi. I'm Eric Forman. Look, I, uh, feel a little silly about my dad asking you out for me. You probably thought I was, like ugly or slow or something. So, I just wanted to say hi, you know, give you a chance to you know, take a gander at the goods, so to speak... [chuckles] And, uh, see if maybe, uh, tomorrow night you wanted to have dinner?
Stacey: At your house? Will your dad be there? 'Cause I'll go if he's there.
Eric: Okay. What, do you, like- [laughs] Do you, like, like my dad? [Stacey smiles] Oh, my God! You like my dad?
Stacey: Do you know if he's seeing anyone?
Eric: Yeah. My mom. And they bought furniture together, so yeah, I think it's pretty serious.