Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

Fez: Oh, don't put Batman in the clam of death, Riddler. That's just gonna make him mad. God, you're stupid.
Eric: Fez, for the last time, the Riddler can't hear you.
Fez: Riddle me this, Riddler. When Batman escapes from the clam of death who will kick your riddle-telling ass in?
Eric: Hey, Fez. Riddle me this. [slaps Fez]
Fez: Then riddle me this. [gives Eric a "wet willy"]
Eric: Oh, but, Fez, only if you riddle me this. [gives Fez a "purple nurple"]
Fez: Ow! Riddle me this, you son of a bitch! [they fight]

Fez: What are you doing? I've been chasing you for six blocks.
Kelso: I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't see you.
Fez: Yeah, nice try. I know all about your master plan. Now, drive, you sneaky son of a bitch.

Hyde: Damn, Leo, you didn't inherit a million dollars. That's a sweepstakes contest.
Leo: Well, then who has my money?
Fez: There is no money, you son of a bitch!
Leo: Oh. Wow. I guess all this stuff has to go back.
Fez: Oh, that means you too, Feathery Frank. Good day.
Cockatoo: But, Fez-
Fez: I said good day.

Fez: Well, thanks a lot for getting me at the police station, you two sons of two bitches!
Hyde: Fez, what happened?
Fez: Well, I got arrested. And they did a background check and found out that my student visa expires when I graduate from high school.
Hyde: What?
Fez: Yeah, and now I have to leave the country after graduation. That's in a week. And I have to relearn my native language. Good day.
Kelso: No, but Fez-
Fez: [speaks foreign language]

Fez: Oh, no. I think I lost my green card.
Eric: Damn, Fez. Where's the last place you had it?
Fez: If I knew that, I would have it now, you son of a bitch.
Kelso: All right, Fez. Take it easy.
Fez: No. You take it easy. They're gonna throw me in Canadian jail. Have you seen Midnight Express? Well, it's like that, but with hockey sticks.

Kelso: Man, we're so back in love.
Hyde: I remember when it was all, "You're an idiot, Michael!" And, "Whoa, what'd I do?" Good times.
Kelso: Sorry, man, but I love her.
Fez: [quietly] Yes, but you don't deserve her, you son of a bitch.
Kelso: What?
Fez: I said... Uh, "Good cheese puffs, you son of a bitch."

Fez: Now, has any of you ever had a dream where you were with the opposite of a girl?
Kelso: Like two girls? Sure.
Fez: No. See, I had a dream and it was erotic and it was about Kelso.
Donna: What?
Eric: Wow! Wow!
Donna: That is awesome! Fez, you gotta tell us about this dream.
Kelso: Wh- No, you don't gotta. Look at him! He's undressing me with his eyes right now!
Fez: You undressed yourself, you son of a bitch!

Kelso: Okay, look, just- At least take a jelly bean? Okay? I bought 'em just for you.
Jackie: Well, that was very sweet.
Fez: [enters] There you are. Give me back my jelly beans, you son of a bitch!