Fez: You Son of a Bitch Page 1 of 2  

Fez: You Son of a Bitch

A collection of quotes featuring Fez's favorite insult, "you son of a bitch".

Quote from Fez in Dine and Dash

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.


Quote from Fez in Halloween

Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Quote from Fez in Roller Disco

Fez: Oh, don't put Batman in the clam of death, Riddler. That's just gonna make him mad. God, you're stupid.
Eric: Fez, for the last time, the Riddler can't hear you.
Fez: Riddle me this, Riddler. When Batman escapes from the clam of death who will kick your riddle-telling ass in?
Eric: Hey, Fez. Riddle me this. [slaps Fez]
Fez: Then riddle me this. [gives Eric a "wet willy"]
Eric: Oh, but, Fez, only if you riddle me this. [gives Fez a "purple nurple"]
Fez: Ow! Riddle me this, you son of a bitch! [they fight]

Quote from Fez in Ice Shack

Fez: What are you doing? I've been chasing you for six blocks.
Kelso: I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't see you.
Fez: Yeah, nice try. I know all about your master plan. Now, drive, you sneaky son of a bitch.

Quote from Fez in The Forgotten Son

Hyde: Damn, Leo, you didn't inherit a million dollars. That's a sweepstakes contest.
Leo: Well, then who has my money?
Fez: There is no money, you son of a bitch!
Leo: Oh. Wow. I guess all this stuff has to go back.
Fez: Oh, that means you too, Feathery Frank. Good day.
Cockatoo: But, Fez-
Fez: I said good day.

Quote from Fez in Immigrant Song

Fez: Well, thanks a lot for getting me at the police station, you two sons of two bitches!
Hyde: Fez, what happened?
Fez: Well, I got arrested. And they did a background check and found out that my student visa expires when I graduate from high school.
Hyde: What?
Fez: Yeah, and now I have to leave the country after graduation. That's in a week. And I have to relearn my native language. Good day.
Kelso: No, but Fez-
Fez: [speaks foreign language]

Quote from Fez in Canadian Road Trip

Fez: Oh, no. I think I lost my green card.
Eric: Damn, Fez. Where's the last place you had it?
Fez: If I knew that, I would have it now, you son of a bitch.
Kelso: All right, Fez. Take it easy.
Fez: No. You take it easy. They're gonna throw me in Canadian jail. Have you seen Midnight Express? Well, it's like that, but with hockey sticks.

Quote from Fez in Kiss of Death

Kelso: Man, we're so back in love.
Hyde: I remember when it was all, "You're an idiot, Michael!" And, "Whoa, what'd I do?" Good times.
Kelso: Sorry, man, but I love her.
Fez: [quietly] Yes, but you don't deserve her, you son of a bitch.
Kelso: What?
Fez: I said... Uh, "Good cheese puffs, you son of a bitch."

Quote from Fez in You Shook Me

Fez: Now, has any of you ever had a dream where you were with the opposite of a girl?
Kelso: Like two girls? Sure.
Fez: No. See, I had a dream and it was erotic and it was about Kelso.
Donna: What?
Eric: Wow! Wow!
Donna: That is awesome! Fez, you gotta tell us about this dream.
Kelso: Wh- No, you don't gotta. Look at him! He's undressing me with his eyes right now!
Fez: You undressed yourself, you son of a bitch!

Quote from Fez in Immigrant Song

Kelso: Okay, look, just- At least take a jelly bean? Okay? I bought 'em just for you.
Jackie: Well, that was very sweet.
Fez: [enters] There you are. Give me back my jelly beans, you son of a bitch!

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