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‘The Battle of Evermore’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: The Battle of Evermore

517. The Battle of Evermore

Aired February 26, 2003

As Red continues to berate Eric for getting engaged, Kitty forces them to spend time together at the Point Place Paul Bunyan Pioneer Day Jamboree, where they go up against the father/son team of Charlie (Fred Willard) and Mitch (Seth Green). Meanwhile, Hyde searches for Leo, who has disappeared without a trace.

Quote from Red

Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.


Quote from Eric

Red: You know, we're getting killed here thanks to your screwing up that last event. All you had to do was build a cabin out of Lincoln Logs.
Eric: Well, I thought I'd score some extra points by building the Millennium Falcon.
Red: The Millennium what? If that's a Star Wars thing, I'm gonna kick you in the ass.
Eric: It's not a Star Wars thing. It's a very rare falcon that can do the Kessel Run in under six parsecs.

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: I can't close my mouth. Can you close your mouth? It's really starting to freak me out. Leo's the best.
Kelso: Leo made me a grilled cheese once. He used butter and made the crust extra toasty. He forgot cheese. I'm gonna miss that grilled-cheese-making son of a bitch.
Jackie: You know, one time, I heard Leo talking on the phone and he was speaking Chinese. So I said, "Leo, stop speaking Chinese." So he turned around, and it wasn't Leo. It was a Chinese guy. [sighs] You know, I'll never forget that.
Fez: I'm just sad I'll never get to see his face when I tell him I did it with Nina. Actually, I'd like to see my face when I do it with Nina. I bet I look like a stallion.
Hyde: So today we sit in this circle in honor of Leo. He was my boss. He was my friend. He was my connection. To Leo.
All: To Leo!

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: You're talking about him like he's gone, man. He would have told me if he was leaving town.
Kelso: Maybe a U.F.O. appeared. And it shot down a beam and made everyone and everything inside the Fotohut vanish. Yeah, like an apparition.
Hyde: Kelso, you don't even know what an apparition is.
Kelso: Hey, if I can't use words I don't understand this is gonna be one quiet afternoon.

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: Really, he just left? He didn't call or anything?
Jackie: Oh, Steven, I'm sorry.
Kelso: Don't take it personal, Hyde. You know Leo never liked phones. He said he could hear voices in them.

Quote from Red

Eric: Well, I'm sorry. I know you think I'm a disappointment and stuff.
Red: Hey. I'm proud of how we did. Look, I know what it's like to have your dad riding you all the time. My old man was always on me to go to engineering school. And when I didn't, he was so mad we didn't talk for a year.
Eric: So, you're the softy in your family?
Red: See, my dad's vision for my life was wrong. Only I knew what was best. Not my dad. You understand what I'm saying?
Eric: Wow. Are- Are you admitting that you're wrong that it's okay for me and Donna to get married?
Red: What? No, no. I'm saying that my dad was wrong and I was right. Just like I'm right now. The point is, I'm always right, so break it off!

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: Well, we couldn't find Leo. We just checked all his hangouts.
Jackie: The Hub.
Hyde: Alley behind The Hub.
Jackie: Fatso Burger.
Hyde: Alley behind the Fatso Burger.

Quote from Hyde

Eli: By the way, he left a note. Do any of you know a kid named Heidi?
Hyde: He means Hyde. That's me, man. [excitedly] The note's for me! [calmly] I mean, the note's for me. [clears throat] "Dear Hyde, man. One day I stopped in Point Place for some gas. Before I knew it, eight years had passed. Whoa. That rhymes. Anyway, I should get home to my wife. Take care. You're a good kid, man. You're a good kid, man." See, I told you he wouldn't leave without saying good-bye.
Jackie: Oh, Steven, you really do love that old, dirty, little hippie.
Eli: And, uh, he left you something else. He said that you liked "film," if you know what I mean.
Hyde: All right. I was hoping we could take something home, put it in the shirt pocket. [chuckles] Holy hell!

Quote from Red

Red: Eric, what are you doing eating?
Eric: Well, it's mainly for survival. But I also enjoy the fruity taste.
Red: I told you to replace the hubcap on the Vista Cruiser. So, what is it? You're mature enough to get married but not mature enough to replace a hubcap?
Eric: Well, let's see. You took away my keys, so I can't drive. And you took away my job, so I can't afford a new hubcap. You also took away my self-esteem, so I have no pride in my job or my possessions.
Kitty: For gosh sake, you've been arguing for two weeks. Now stop it. Help me with this crossword puzzle. I need a four-letter word for disappointment.
Red: Eric.
Kitty: [gasps] It fits. Well, now, that can't be right.

Quote from Fez

Eric: So, he's like, "Replace the hubcap." And I'm like, "Hey, why don't you replace the hubcap." And that is why I'm trimming the hedges.
Kelso: Yeah. I only mess with Red when I really need the discipline. He's a total hard-ass.
Fez: Hard-ass? Take another look, my friend. It jiggles when he wiggles.

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