Kelso: So, Saturday night, you and that husband of yours got any big plans?
Kitty: Well, we sure do. First he's taking me on The Love Boat and then he is taking me to Fantasy Island. "Ze plane, ze plane!" I love that guy, he is so little.

Jackie: Hey, Donna. Sorry I'm late. I didn't want to come over till all my other options for tonight fell through.
Donna: Good to see you, too, Jackie.

Kelso: You know, the thing about being a cop is, we may look like normal people, I mean, I don't, obviously, but we have to go through rigorous training to be able to withstand any kind of mental, physical, or emotional pain. [eats ice cream] Ah, brain freeze! Make it stop! Make it stop!

Jackie: Donna, how could you invite the stripper here? This is supposed to be girls' night, not girls, girls, girls night.
Donna: Samantha, you'll have to excuse Jackie. She has a speech impediment that makes everything sound bitchy.

Kitty: See now, wasn't it great to get out for a change? We had a good meal, nice conversation and look, we stayed out past 9:00! It's like New Year's Eve!
Red: How about that dopey waiter that flambeed his tie? Yeah, those French bastards should stick to what they're good at. Baking bread and losing wars!

Fez: Guys, I'm starting to think this might not be part of the whole bachelor party plan. Unless she is a stripper.
Randy: You know what? She might be. Why don't you tell her to shake it?
Fez: You know, it's so nice to finally have someone on my side! Hey, baby, why don't you rip off that phony uniform and start shaking your moneymaker?
Sgt. Davis: Are you talking to me?
Fez: That's right, momma!
Sgt. Davis: First of all, I'm not your momma. And if you ever talk to me like that again, I will pull your skinny ass through these bars and find 50 new ways to use my nightstick!
Fez: I don't know if she's a stripper, but she sure knows how to turn a boy on.

Red: Leo, pay these women.
Leo: I don't have any money, man. All I have is a ticket for the 1964 World's Fair. One more year, I can't wait!

Fez: Let the fiesta of flesh begin! Ay, no!
Kitty: How dare you invite strippers into my home. The whole place smells like strawberries and baby oil.
Red: You idiots tricked me and Kitty into going out and having a good time. Do you know how furious that makes me?
Randy: Sir, if I could just explain.
Red: Who the hell are you?
Randy: I'm Randy and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. We tried to do something nice for our friend and things got really out of hand, but I apologize for any disrespect that we may have shown you. [shakes Red's hand]
Red: Well, Randy, I'm impressed that something so articulate could come out of such a dumbass! And, you! You owe me $100!
Fez: Fine. But you better put on one hell of a show.
Kitty: Why is it all in $1 bills?
Red: Because that's how you pay strippers. [off Kitty's look] I was in the war, for God's sake!

Kelso: You guys are not gonna believe this. I was fired! I'm off the force.
Hyde: Man, if only I had said I didn't want a bachelor party maybe none of this would have happened. Oh, well.
Kelso: Oh, it was humiliating. They took my badge and they took my gun and then when I went to say goodbye to the police dog, I accidentally shot him. There is only one thing that would cheer me up tonight.
Fez: A strip club?
Kelso: You freaky little mind reader! Let's go, I'll drive. We'll take my cop car.
Hyde: Wait, you didn't have to turn that in?
Kelso: They didn't even ask!

Leo: All right guys, sit back and enjoy the show. [music plays]
Hyde: Uh, Leo, when does the show start?
Leo: This is the show, man.
Randy: Where's the stripper?
Leo: What do we need a stripper for? We got a giant cake!