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Don't You Think It's Alright?

‘Don't You Think It's Alright?’

Season 6, Episode 18 -  Aired March 31, 2004

After Eric complains about registering for wedding gifts with Donna, Red tells him to pick the ugliest item he can find so Donna will decide to do it herself. Meanwhile, Red reads one of Kitty's trashy romance books.

Quote from Red

Eric: I just spent six hours registering for wedding gifts. The only reason I'm here now is I pretended to choke on ice cream.
Red: I'll let you in on a little secret for when you're shopping with women. Always pick the ugliest, worst choice, and you're off the hook. That's how I got out of shopping for this couch.
Eric: There was an uglier couch than this?
Red: The one I picked had dragons on it.
Eric: Wow, you're sneaky. You know, you act like you're all about brute force, but you're a finesse player, man.
Red: Trust me, son. Don't budge until you hear the magic words, "Oh, I'll just do it myself."
Kitty: [enters] You're done registering already? You men, you just don't know how to shop. You know, your father once tried to get me to buy a couch with dragons on it.
Red: Yeah, I guess I'm just bad at it.


Quote from Kitty

Red: Reading another one of your dirty girl books?
Kitty: They're not dirty, they're romantic.
Red: Mutiny From Behind.
Kitty: Yeah. The mutiny sneaks up on her.
Red: I don't think that's what it means.
Kitty: Well, it is a wonderful book. It's got pirates and action. Oh, oh, oh! It has this hilarious parrot that says the most inappropriate things. [laughs]
Red: [reads] "The pirate's vessel slowly sailed into the harbor of San Sebastian island. His saucy prisoner's alabaster breasts heaving with every motion of the tall, rigid ship." [out loud] San Sebastian island. I think I killed some commies there.

Quote from Eric

Eric: Now this, okay. This is what I'm talking about. That's a nice fork.
Donna: Eric, the handle is an actual deer hoof.
Eric: Yeah, that's the Cherokee collection. Donna, that's the Indian way. They kill the animal, then eat it with its own paw.
Donna: Okay, you know what? I have a new plan. I'll just go shopping, and then I'll show you what I pick.
Eric: So I don't get to go at all?
Donna: No. I'll just... I'll just do it myself.
Eric: Yeah, I guess I'm just bad at it.

Quote from Red

Red: [reads] "After throwing the evil pirate king overboard, the Duke turned to Lady Daphne, pulled his sword from its sheath and held it erect. Lady Daphne touched it tentatively, and a shudder went through the Duke."
Fez: So you like those books, too, Mr. Red?
Red: All right, fine. So you know. But you tell one person, and so help me God, I will chop down whatever tree you live in.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: So I was daydreaming during this civil rights lecture at the police academy, and I came up with a great idea for an invention, adult strollers. Why walk when someone can push you?
Donna: Kelso, that's a wheelchair.
Kelso: All right, it's official. Everything's been thought of!

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Okay. I got another invention. Bicycles with engines.
Hyde: That's a motorcycle.
Kelso: Okay, fine. Bicycles without engines.
Hyde: That's a bicycle.
Kelso: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's got the chair on it.
Hyde: And we're back to wheelchair.

Quote from Hyde

Jackie: Hey, guys. What's up?
Hyde: Oh, hey. We were just talking about slutty cheerleaders in other schools.
Jackie: You never want to talk about that.
Hyde: Well, I've finally come around, darling.
Jackie: [gasps] Are those wedding gift catalogs?
Hyde: Damn it.
Jackie: For our wedding, Steven and I...
Hyde: Jackie, no.
Jackie: Steven, we have to...
Hyde: No.
Jackie: A good bride and groom...
Hyde: [picks Jackie up] That's it. You're done. [carries Jackie out and locks the door]
Donna: Now why didn't someone do that five years ago?
Hyde: She used to bite.

Quote from Red

Red: The Adventures of Lydia and Master Bates. [reads out loud] "Master Bates had lived alone on an island for years, with only himself for company." I should give this one to the foreign kid.

Quote from Donna

Eric: Hey, Donna, when we register for our wedding, can we register for a trampoline? My mom won't let me have a trampoline.
Fez: If I'd known about registering when I married Laurie, I would have registered for a wife who wants to have sex with me.
Donna: Eric, you know, people only register for stuff that's used in serving, eating and clearing of a meal.
Eric: Why is it always about eating?
Donna: Because marriage signifies the end of trying to be attractive.
Kelso: Man, registering sucks. I had to register with Jackie for her sweet sixteen. Longest five months of my life.
Donna: Look, all I know is, you guys are gonna buy whatever wedding present we tell you, and none of this all-going-in-on-one-gift crap.

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: Hey, hey, shut it, huh? No talk about weddings. Jackie's on her way over.
Eric: She's not here now.
Hyde: She doesn't have to hear the word "wedding." She can sense that it was said.
Kelso: I wish I could do that. I mean, not so much with words, but so that I could see through people's clothes.
Hyde: Look, you two start yapping about your wedding, Jackie gets all, "Steven, when are we getting married?" Then I have to say we're not getting married, and then she kicks me in my shins. From the knees down, I'm like a freaking POW.
Fez: No, you have magnificent legs. I would say W-O-W. Wow.

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