Jackie: I don't know what's wrong with me, okay? I want a guy I can't have. I can't stop stuffing my face. I am a thin girl with fat-girl problems.

Kitty: Jackie, I'd offer you a third sandwich, but you cleaned me out of meat and condiments. And Cheez Whiz. Well, now we're going to have to use the artificial stuff.

Donna: Come on, Jackie, I know what'll cheer you up. Let's go down to the mall and make fun of all the people coming out of the Big & Tall store.
Jackie: Donna, if you need something from the Big & Tall, just say so.

Red: Well, Kitty, cardiologist says I don't have to take my heart pills anymore.
Kitty: Well, that is wonderful news. [chuckles] Oh, and you know what this means? We can bring back fried-cheese Fridays!
Red: It's not good news, Kitty. I just bought a four-month supply of heart pills I don't need now. That's 200 bucks down the crapper.
Hyde: Why don't you just sell them? You know, there's a seedy subculture that buys drugs for recreation. I saw one time on an after-school special.
Kitty: Well, you can't sell drugs. It's illegal, and it should be. Because people shouldn't have easy access to addictive substances that dull their senses. [grabs wine bottle and glass] I will be in the bath.

Jackie: It is torture knowing Fez is with all these different women. All I hear from his bedroom is, "Oh Fez, you're so hot!" Then he comes out of his room and goes off to his date.

Hyde: Pretty cool, huh? Fifty bucks for 15 minutes' work. That was on a slow day. Imagine what we could make if we set up shop on Betty Grable movie night.
Red: Steven, we're not setting up shop anywhere. All I want to do is get my money back. Just like after I bought Eric that baseball mitt. Dumbass used it as a hat!

Kitty: So, Fez, I hear you've been with a different woman every night. I just hope you're doing the gentlemanly thing. Thank-you cards never go out of style.
Fez: Actually, Miss Kitty, I'm hanging up my leather pants. Yes. I'm ready to be with the one woman I should've been with all along.
Kitty: Fez, I've told you a thousand times, Mr. Forman and I are very happy together. [laughs] I'm just kidding. So, is this woman someone I know?
Fez: Yes. [drinks] And I know for a fact that she likes me.
Kitty: Oh. Oh! Fez, I am so happy for you. New love is exciting. I remember the first time I tried Peppermint Schnapps.

Kitty: Steven, how could you?
Hyde: Just a product of my environment. Wait, what are you talking about?
Kitty: We know you've been selling drugs out of the house. This is the worst thing you have ever done. You have turned my living room into East St. Louis.
Red: So, please, just admit what you're doing. It'll be better for everybody.
Hyde: I'm not admitting to anything. Although if I were selling drugs, it's probably 'cause I don't have a new 19-inch TV to keep me off the streets.
Kitty: What? Steven, we do not reward this kind of behavior. Right, Red?
Red: Right. A 13-inch TV should do the trick.
Kitty: Why are you even discussing this? If ever there were a time for your foot to be ankle-deep in someone's bottom, it's now!

Kitty: Red?
Red: Look, I know what I did was wrong. But don't you even want to know what I was going to do with the money?
Kitty: I don't care.
Red: I was going to take you on a vacation to the Wisconsin Dells.
Kitty: Oh, my God, I feel like a Kennedy! Oh, and the Dells are three counties away. We're going to have to take the Interstate. [goes upstairs]
Hyde: Well, that worked out pretty good. You're going to the Dells, I'm getting a new TV.
Red: Yeah. And you're going to love watching that new show called Blow It Out Your Ass.

Jackie: I'm really sorry this happened, but you're actually lucky that she's gone.
Fez: Jackie, what was that kiss all about?
Jackie: Okay, Fez, it's something that I've wanted to do for a really long time. And I was wondering, you know, hoping that maybe you and I could be together.
Fez: You want to be with me?
Jackie: Yeah. I mean, Fez, my life has been so crappy lately that you have been the one good thing.
Fez: Oh. So you want me because you're lonely? Great, so that makes me what, your last resort?
Jackie: No. Fez, you're wrong. It's not...
Fez: You know what, Jackie? Forget it. You've already been with Kelso and Hyde. I don't want to be your sloppy thirds.
Jackie: Okay. [exits]