315. Donna's Panties
Aired February 13, 2001
Eric embarrasses Donna by pulling down her pants as they play a game of basketball on the driveway. Meanwhile, Kelso learns the truth about his relationship with Laurie on Valentine's Day.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Wow. Chicks must really dig astronauts, 'cause it says here that astronauts get all the Tang they want.
Quote from Donna
Donna: What's up with Eric's head anyway? It's completely out of proportion to that skinny body. He looks like a Blow Pop.
Quote from Fez
Caroline: Okay, Fez, I got you some Valentine conversation hearts. [giggles]
Fez: Oh, thank you, Caroline. "Be mine." Okay. "Sweetheart." It really is. "Kiss me." Well, I'm not about to argue with candy.
Jackie: Fez, is there one in there that says, "Get a room"?
Fez: No, but here's one that says, "Kiss my brown ass." Sorry you had to hear that, Caroline.
Caroline: It's okay. She asked for it. Ooh, I gotta get going. I'll see you tonight. [exits]
Fez: Yeah. Well, well, well. Look who has a lady. [to Jackie] And to think, I was about to settle for you. Talk about dodging a bullet.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Oh, Donna is gonna love you making dinner for her. There's nothing sexier than a man who cooks. Unless that man is Burt Reynolds. Then I don't give a darn what he's doing. He's just sexy! [laughs]
Eric: Ooh-hoo, Mom has a thing for the Bandit. [laughs]
Kitty: Ten-four. [laughs]
Quote from Kitty
Donna: Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Forman.
Kitty: Oh, my. Look at this vision of lovely. [chuckles] Oh, this is just like when you two were little, and you- you used to eat pretend supper. Only now it won't end up with Donna sitting on Eric's head. [laughs] Oh. Oh, Red, let's go.
Red: Kitty, that was just awful.
Kitty: I know. Keep walking.
Quote from Red
Red: You know, Son, there's a time and a place to pull down a lady's pants. And a pickup game in our driveway is not one of'em.
Eric: Look, Dad, I know it was dumb but Donna said it was fine, and... apparently it wasn't fine.
Red: Sit down. Eric, there's a pair of shoes up in your mom's closet. And one day, I accidently stepped on one of them and scuffed it. "Don't worry," your mom said. "Everything's fine." But every now and then, she takes them out of the closet and she puts them on, and she does this. [mournfully] "Oh." Then she takes them off and puts them back in her closet. Eric, this has been going on for 14 years.
Eric: So why doesn't she just get new shoes?
Red: [laughs] Oh, Eric you are so young. You see, women are... What's the word I'm looking for here? Crazy.
Eric: Oh. So, overall, you and Mom are okay. So Donna and me, we'll be okay, right?
Red: No. I scuffed your mom's shoe. I didn't pull her pants down in front of God and the foreign kid.
Eric: So, what are you saying? I'm screwed with Donna?
Red: Hey, if it makes you feel any better... I'm surprised you lasted this long.
Quote from Eric
Donna: Eric, why don't you just give me the two points? Save yourself the humiliation.
Eric: Well, why don't you just save yourself the two points, and then the humiliation will be... Whatever! Come on!
Donna: Oh, I'm comin', and there's nothin' you can do to stop me.
[Eric pulls down Donna's sweatpants]
Hyde: Oh, my God! Donna's wearing granny panties! Nice panties, Granny! [Donna leaves]
Eric: Oh, come on. You have to admit, that was some killer "D." Oh, no.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Hey, hey. Check out this article in Boys' Life.
Eric: "The Square Knot: Not Just For Squares"?
Kelso: No, this one, about being an astronaut. I think I'm gonna do that.
Jackie: Michael, I think there's a prerequisite for being an astronaut. You have to be not dumb.
Kelso: Uh-uh. If they can send a monkey into space, they can send me.
Hyde: I don't know. Monkeys are pretty smart.
Kelso: All right. Fine, fine. Make fun. But when you see my shoe prints on the moon, what are you gonna say then?
Eric: Probably, "Hey, some monkey's wearing Kelso's shoes!"
Quote from Hyde
Hyde: Hey, hey, astro-chimp. When you come back down to Earth, if your parachute doesn't work, you could always use Donna's monstrous panties.
Eric: Hey, hey, hey, you guys. None of that when Donna gets here, okay? I don't need her mad at me on Valentine's Day.
Hyde: All right, Forman, relax. Wearing granny panties is a very sensitive issue that I don't find funny, and I refuse to exploit.
Eric: Good. [Donna enters]
Hyde: Hey, everybody, look. It's Granny Panties!
Hyde: Wha- Oh, sorry, man. It's in my nature to burn. Granny Panties understands. Don't you, Granny Panties?
Donna: Okay, look. I didn't have anything else to wear. It was laundry day.
Kelso: I didn't know they made a washing machine big enough for those panties.
Quote from Kitty
Eric: Okay, but, Mom, it's not like I can mess this up. I mean, Donna is cool no matter what I do. Like, earlier, I pulled down her pants in front of everyone in the driveway and she just stood there-
Kitty: You did what?
Eric: No, it was cool. She just- She said she was fine.
Kitty: Oh. Then I guess she's fine.
Eric: Yeah, 'cause she said she was fine.
Kitty: Yeah, she wouldn't say she was fine unless she was fine. Would she?
Eric: What are you talking about?
Kitty: What do you think I'm talking about?
Eric: I don't know. Why are you doing this to me?
Kitty: Doing what?
Eric: I don't know!
Kitty: Well, all I meant was, have a happy Valentine's Day.
Eric: Oh. [doorbell rings] Oh, okay. Thanks.
Kitty: Although I doubt you will.
Eric: Stop it!