Eric: Man, it's like I finally figured out what I wanna do with my life, and now I might never be able to do it. And, might I add, through no fault of my own.
Donna: Eric, the last time you used the phrase "through no fault of my own" was when you said, "Donna, your cat's dead through no fault of my own." Which I later found out meant, "Donna, I ran over your cat."

Eric: I don't know why she's so mad.
Red: Well, you'll often find, as you go through life, that when you try to turn your girlfriend into a prostitute, she gets cranky.
Eric: Okay, but, Dad, passing PE is all that's standing between me and the rest of my life.
Red: You're lucky this table is standing between my foot and your ass.

Jackie: Okay, the first event is the talent portion of the competition.
Kelso: Okay. Judges, I present you with a dramatic scene from the major motion picture The Godfather. [screams] "There's an entire horse in my bed. Why would you do this, Godfather. Why?" And then the horse says, "[neighs] Let this be a warning."
Hyde: The horse doesn't talk, Kelso.
Kelso: Oh. I was thinking of Jaws. "Look at my jaw."

Red: Now you go down there with Donna and do a pull-up, and earn the respect of that woman who inexplicably loves you.
Eric: You know what? You're right, I gotta do this. I can do this. I just gotta be like Luke in Star Wars. I just have to really believe that I can. Yeah, but I don't believe I can, so this is nothing like that. Any tricks to doing a pull-up?
Red: Yes. You pull... up.
Eric: Thanks, Obi-Wan.

Jackie: Michael, you should have gotten the room with the bathroom. You earned it by being born better looking.
Kelso: Oh, well, I could have had it, but Fez said that there were evil spirits in there, so I made him take it. Sucker.
Hyde: Man, I can't believe you fell for that. Especially after that time he told you evil spirits lived in that hot dog and then you gave him that.
Kelso: Wait, are you saying he's tricking me?
Jackie: Foreigners always lie. That's how the Indians tricked us into buying New Mexico.

Eric: I can't believe I'm back in gym, or as I like to call it, "The Institute of Things I Can't Do."

Hyde: That was probably our second-best potato chip war ever.
Red: [enters] What the hell?
Kelso: We'll clean it up later, dude.
Red: I'm not your "dude," and you never clean anything up.
Kelso: Well, we mean to, but then we leave, and then we come back and it's already cleaned up.
Red: You eat my food, you dirty up my house, and every time I go into a bedroom, I have to wonder about finding one of you naked with some poor girl.
Fez: Well, at least you know that if you find me naked in a room, I'm by myself.
Red: All right, I want everybody who doesn't live in this house to get out now.
Kelso: Well, you're a real bummer, man.

Kelso: Come on, Fez, let's go to our new apartment where people can do whatever they want, whenever they want. Just like the Bible says, "Let my people do whatever they want."

Kitty: Eric, the high school sent over your transcript, which means you can start applying to teachers college. [chuckles] Now, you tell me what school you wanna go to, and I will send them a pie. Because you cannot eat a lady's pie and then not let her son into the school.

Red: It says here that Eric got an "I-N-C" in gym class.
Kitty: "I-N-C"? I bet that stands for "incredible."
Red: Kitty, it's "incomplete."
Kitty: I know, you have to add the "redible."