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That Disco Episode

‘That Disco Episode’

Season 1, Episode 7 -  Aired November 8, 1998

After Jackie talks the gang into going to a new disco, Kitty teaches Hyde how to dance.

Quote from Hyde

Eric: Okay, that's all the deposit bottles and the aluminum cans. We gotta have at least... $1.15 worth of gas.
Kelso: Come on, my dad's got a ton of empties.
Hyde: [to Red] Man, I can't believe they're gonna waste all their money on a stupid disco when they could buy a really big bag... Of caramels.


Quote from Eric

[In Eric's P.O.V., the wallpaper is spinning behind Red with the wall decorations fixed in place]
Red: Listen, I know you need gas money for Saturday night. If you're willing to do a few extra chores, I'll pay you $10.
Eric: Sure. I can do that.
Red: Now I need you to sweep the garage clean the leaves out of the gutters, get the dry cleaning and fix that shelf in the pantry. Now run that back to me.
Eric: Okay, fix the shelf, sweep the garage, pick up the leaves...
Red: Pick up the dry cleaning.
Eric: Yeah.
Red: The gutters?
Eric: Fix the gutters.
Red: Clean. Clean the gutters.
Eric: Clean out the gutters, fix the shelf, sweep the leaves.
Red: The garage.
Eric: Fix the garage.
Red: Sweep it. Listen, I'm not gonna pay you $10 for nothing.
Eric: Sweep the garage, pick up the cleaning, clean up the gutters, fix the shelf.
Red: Do that, and you got yourself gas money.
Eric: Didn't you say something about leaves?
Red: They're in the gutters.
Eric: Right. Pick them up. Clean them up. I've gotta make toast.

Quote from Hyde

[on tape:]
Hyde: I'm saying, the earth is a farm.
Eric: That's brilliant.
Kelso: A farm.
Hyde: A farm put here by aliens, man. And we're the cattle.
Eric: We're cattle. [Kelso moos]
Hyde: And the government knows it. It's out there, man.
Eric: What is?
Hyde: The truth.
Kelso: What are you saying?
Hyde: Out there is the truth. The truth is out there, man.
Eric: That's seriously brilliant.
[Fez stops the tape]
Fez: See, you are all stupid.

Quote from Kelso

Jackie: Oh, my God, Michael, they opened up a disco.
Kelso: Where at?
Jackie: In Kenosha. You can wear your David Bowie butt-huggers.
Hyde: Michael, that would be super.
Kelso: Laugh if you want, man, but my butt looks pretty good in those.

Quote from Hyde

Fez: What is disco?
Hyde: Disco is from hell, okay? And not the cool part of hell with all the murderers but the lame-ass part where the really bad accountants live.

Quote from Eric

Eric: You smell great. What did you do?
Donna: I took a bath. I was thinking of you the whole time.
Eric: You know, I do the same thing in the shower.
Donna: What?
Eric: Nothing.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Donna has stuff for Eric. Yes?
Hyde: Not stuff. Thing. Donna has a thing for Eric. [chuckles] Why do you have a thing for Eric?
Eric: Because he makes me laugh, he doesn't ask me stupid questions. He's smart, and you know...
Hyde: No, I don't know.
Fez: [raises hand] I know. [Hyde points to Fez] It is because Eric is noble, and a woman wants her first lovemaking to be in the arms of a man she can trust.
Donna: Fez.
Fez: Yes?
Donna: Go make popcorn.

Quote from Kitty

Red: So, who's going?
Kitty: Oh, Donna, I'm sure. They're practically dating.
Eric: Can I have some gas money?
Red: Dating? Since when?
Eric: Mom, we're not dating.
Kitty: Why not? She likes you.
Eric: Thanks, Mom. About that gas money.
Kitty: Well, now, she's interested. I can tell. And dancing is the quickest way to a gal's heart. Remember, Red when we used to go dancing at the Avalon on Mackinaw island?
Eric: Oh, Mackinaw. Now, that's quite a drive. I'll bet the mileage is...
Kitty: [sings] Volare Oh, oh
Red: You see what you did? You got your mother started.
Kitty: Volare Oh, oh

Quote from Red

Red: Not going to that disco, huh?
Hyde: No. Phony people listening to crappy music does not sound like my kind of time.
Red: You can't dance, can you?
Hyde: I can dance.
Red: Oh, I don't think so, pal.
Hyde: I can dance.
Red: Not one step.
Hyde: You're right. Not one step.
Red: Well, then you got a problem, son, 'cause women wanna dance. They always wanna dance. Always.
Hyde: Why?
Red: Because they can get close and wiggle their bodies around in front of a man in a safe atmosphere.
Hyde: See, I don't really wanna wiggle around in public.
Red: Well, of course not. You're a man. My point is, you're going to have to learn. Otherwise, later on in life... you're gonna be wiggling all by yourself. Now, if you want I can help you out.

Quote from Fez

Hyde: Okay, I thought about it, and I'm going to the disco. Just on the off chance they might mix up a little rock and roll, man.
Kelso: Yeah, well, I have something to say. I went to the mall today and I bought a pair of new shoes. And they are the coolest kicks in the cave.
Eric: So, no more for Kelso. He's toasted. [laughs]
Fez: I would like some toast if you are making some. Or food of any kind would be good. I am starving.
Hyde: Oh, I read somewhere there are these people in India who fast, man. Yeah. [giggles] And their minds are so advanced, they can actually think themselves to death, man.
Kelso: Oh. I hope I'm not doing that right now. My mind's always doing things that I don't even know about.
Eric: Man, we always think of so many brilliant things down here but then later, I can't remember any of them. I mean, they're brilliant, man.
Fez: Someone go make toast right now.
Hyde: Okay, we should record our conversation, man. Yeah, then we could play it back and write it down. I'll bet that's how the writers at National Lampoon do it.
Kelso: Yeah, well, I read somewhere that there are these people in France.
Hyde: What do they do?
Fez: You see, they're incredibly French.
Eric: See, that's brilliant, man. I'm getting a tape recorder.
Fez: Where's my toast, you idiots?

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