Kitty: Now, Red, honey I don't think that you're really mad at Marty, I think you are just going through one of the five stages of dealing with death.
Red: What are you talking about?
Kitty: There are five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
Red: Kitty, I've got two stages: anger and drinking.

Eric: Donna, we don't talk about things in the Forman family. It's not like your house, where every time you have a "feeling", your dad gives you a big hug and a gold star.
Donna: I'm just trying to help you here.
Eric: Well, I don't- Talking isn't gonna help me, okay? What's gonna help me is, like, drinking.
Donna: Well, now you're just being stupid.
Hyde: [enters] Hey, Forman, let's go get wasted.
Donna: Great.
Eric: See? Hyde's a real friend. He's gonna help me get through my grandma's death.
Hyde: Your grandma's dead? Oh, man. Let's go get wasted.

Kitty: Oh, here, Bernice, I made you a plate of leftovers.
Bernice: Thank you. Oh, that reminds me, Red, my garbage disposal is still broken.
Kitty: Well, just as long as you enjoy it.
Bernice: Listen, I've got an idea. Let's eat out next Sunday. That way everybody can get something they like.
Eric: Okay, Grandma, time to get you home.
Red: Eric, you gotta warm that car up for at least 10 minutes.
Bernice: Oh, he's a good boy. It's just a shame he doesn't have a better home life. You know, Kitty, when I was raising children, the right way- [Kitty closes the car door]
Red: That's warm enough, Eric.
Eric: But you just said-
Red: Show me tail lights.

Bernice: Turn off that beatnik music. Watch the road. You don't like it when I come to visit.
Eric: Yes, I do. I really do.
Bernice: You're a filthy liar. You didn't learn to lie from my Red. That came from your mother.
Eric: See, Grandma, that's the problem right there, okay? Every time you come to my house, you spend the whole day criticizing my mom.
Bernice: I tell it like it is.
Red: Okay, Grandma, then here's how it is. You're very nasty. And I don't see why you have to be so hateful. I don't think being nice for a whole day would kill you. Grandma? Grandma?
[After Bernice slumps over on Eric's shoulder, he turns the car and she slumps forward onto the dashboard]
Eric: Oh. Oh, God.

Kitty: Oh, sweetie, I am so glad you're here.
Laurie: Yeah, I had a final this week.
Kitty: Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.
Laurie: No, this couldn't have come at a better time. I was really unprepared. [off Kitty's look] But I miss Grandma.
Kitty: I know, honey. We all do.

Kitty: So, how did your brother take the news?
Red: Oh, you know Marty. He was talking about his feelings and then he started bawling, so I hung up on him. I'm not paying long distance rates to listen to that crap.
Laurie: Uncle Marty is so in touch with his feelings. It's like he's completely self-actualized.
Red: He's a dumbass.

Donna: Eric, I don't care what you said to your grandmother you did not kill her.
Eric: I did, Donna. I killed her. She was old and the shock of her grandson telling her that she was nasty killed her.
Donna: Have you talked to Red about this?
Eric: I'm not talking to my dad about this. Do you remember how angry he got when I didn't rake the yard? This is, like, twice as bad.

Hyde: Uh, hi. We're gonna need a pitcher and four glasses, please.
Waitress: I'm gonna need to see some ID.
Hyde: Of course. I have mine right here but the rest of the fellas left theirs back at the military base.
Kelso: Yeah.
Waitress: Gotcha.
Charlene: So, you're in the military. What base are you from?
Hyde: It's a secret military base.
Charlotte: I'm Charlotte, and this is my sister, Charlene.
Kelso: Hi, I'm Ted.
Hyde: Sgt. Shaft.
Eric: You can call me Honcho.
Fez: I am Eric Forman.

Red: Sit down, Eric. [hands him a beer can] Don't drink that. Put it on your eye. Come on, I'm kidding.
Eric: [drinks] So... this is beer. [Red rolls his eyes]

Minister: And as much as we all miss Bernice we must remember that she is now in a far better place.
Hyde: You don't have to die to get to a better place, man. Just drive 50 miles in any direction. [laughs]
Eric: Shut up.