Fez: Well, Miss Kitty, thank you so much for having lunch with me.
Kitty: Well, I am always up for a salad and a martini in the middle of the day.
Fez: You didn't have a salad.
Kitty: Well, olives and onions are almost a salad.

Bob: Here, Donna, I made you a coupon for your birthday.
Donna: Aw. "Good for one knock-knock joke, no 'who's there' required." Wow, dreams can come true.
Bob: [chuckles] See that, Red? Kids love those. You should have made them for Eric.
Red: Yeah, I suppose I could have given him a "get my foot out of your ass free" card.

Fez: Well, I'm just glad I can come to you with all my problems.
Kitty: Well, sure you can, Fez. You can talk to me about anything.
Fez: Just to double-check, are you sure it's normal for one of them to hang lower than the other?
Kitty: Well, of course, Fez! Nobody's ears are perfectly symmetrical.

Hyde: Hey, guys, I got Donna's birthday present. It's a little wrinkled and musty, but so is Fez's girlfriend and he seems to like her.
Jackie: "My parents went to Lake Michigan and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
Hyde: I can relate, too. My mom once went to Lake Michigan. All I got was a half-brother.

Bob: If you can't find any gift ideas for Donna in here, just give her what I do: coupons for 15 minutes of Bob-time.

Red: Kitty? Oh, no!
Jackie: What's wrong?
Red: Ice, margarita mix, the top from a bottle of tequila. Good lord, she took the blender! [blender whirs off-screen]
Donna: She's in the dining room.
Red: I'll be in the garage. Save yourselves!

[drinking circle:]
Kitty: I can't believe Fez was seduced by that cradle-robbing slut. You girls throw it around like football players, couldn't one of you have slept with him?
Donna: Mrs. Forman, you need to understand something. Fez is a deviant weirdo. We're just glad he is doing it with a person and not a couch, a tree or my pillow.
Kitty: After all I have done for that boy, he has the nerve to say, "You're not my mother." If that's even what he said. Because who can understand anything that comes out of that ungrateful mush-mouth.
Jackie: Wow. Fez and an older divorced woman. You know, if I were a divorced older woman, I would take everything from my ex-husband. Suffer, you cheating bastard! Ha! Can't wait to be divorced.
Kitty: Well, if he doesn't want me mothering him, fine, I'm done. Next Christmas, his stocking will not be hung by the chimney with care. It will be tossed in the garbage with... hair! This place uses too much ice.

Jackie: Happy birthday. I got you a diary. Well, I noticed you needed a new one when I was reading your old one.
Donna: You read my diary?!
Jackie: I didn't say that.
Donna: You just said that.
Jackie: Oh, you don't know what I said.

Jackie: Then why are you going to the concert with him? You don't even like Journey>
Donna: I love Journey. They're the Beatles of our generation.
Jackie: Oh, come on. Who are you kidding? The only reason you put up that poster is to cover the hole Fez was using to spy on you in the shower.

Fez: Miss Kitty?
Kitty: Oh, hi, Fez. I'd get up, but my back's still sore from that knife you stuck in it.
Red: Listen, Tutankhamun, you need to fix this. My wife has been sitting there calm and quiet all day. I disarmed landmines in Korea. But I have never been this nervous that something's about to explode.