‘Won't Get Fooled Again’
Season 6, Episode 13 - Aired February 25, 2004
Eric and Donna have a pregnancy scare. Meanwhile, Fez refuses speak to Kelso after the failed date with his police cadet friend Suzy Simpson (Alyson Hannigan).
Quote from Bob
Bob: How you doing, kid?
Donna: Fine. I don't know. Scared.
Bob: Just know that whether you're pregnant or not, you're still my little girl. I support you.
Donna: Thanks, Dad.
Bob: But if you are pregnant, don't let Red touch the baby. He thinks he's tickling, but he just pokes. Trust me, I know from experience.
Donna: Well, Dad, maybe Red wasn't trying to tickle you. Maybe he was trying to poke you.
Bob: Why would Red poke me?
Donna: Why would he tickle you?
Quote from Fez
Fez: The point is that I don't want anything you gave me.
Kelso: I never gave you my yo-yo.
Fez: So I took it. And I tangled the string, too. Let's see you walk the dog now, you son of a bitch.
Quote from Eric
Kelso: What would a French girl do that an American girl would think is gross?
Fez: It could be anything. They eat snails.
Eric: Hey, maybe it's foot stuff.
Hyde: Foot stuff? What would you do to a foot?
Eric: I don't know, like, lick it or something?
Hyde: What is wrong with you?
Kelso: What are you, some kind of foot-licker?
Eric: No! I wouldn't lick. I would get licked. Oh, God! Why did I say that?
Quote from Donna
Donna: Oh, no.
Eric: No, no, no, no, no, no. Never say, "Oh, no," when you're talking about birth control pills. Anything's better than, "Oh, no."
Donna: I forgot to take one.
Eric: Except that. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, my God. One minute, my life's all light and breezy, and the next, I'm shackled to you and some kid.
Donna: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, my heart is pounding so hard, like in the cartoons when Daisy Duck sees Donald Duck, and her heart goes boom, boom! But that was a happy thing, and this is 'cause you couldn't keep your dirty hands off me!
Eric: Okay, okay, come on, let's... Let's think. Hey, there's only a couple of times a month something like this can happen, right? Maybe there's some kind of time-related loophole. Hey, did we spring forward or fall back?
Donna: When we did it? I don't know. I don't know what you'd call it, but it's the same every time.
Eric: Well, I can't be that bad, Donna. I got you pregnant!
Quote from Bob
Bob: Well, Donna, I think you're too young to be a mother, so here's what we do. Tell the kid you're his sister, Midge and I are the parents, and when he turns 18, tell him we lied. Probably get a good chuckle out of the whole thing.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: You know, you have been awfully calm about this whole thing. You haven't threatened to put a foot in anyone's rear all day.
Red: Well, I... I guess I was kind of looking forward to having a grandkid. I mean, since my heart attack, I've realized that life is short, and it would be... It would be nice to know my grandkids before I go.
Kitty: Oh, that's so sweet. Well, you know, if you're really disappointed, we could always ask Laurie. She might have a few kids we don't know about. [both start to laugh and then stop]
Quote from Donna
Eric: Hurry up, Donna, you're... You're cutting into your foreplay time.
Donna: One second. Oh, no!
Eric: What, what?
Donna: Just kidding.
Eric: That's not funny, Donna. I can't even do it now. [exits and then returns] Yes, I can.
Quote from Jackie
Fez: Hello, Suzy. I'd love to stand here and stare at you until you get uncomfortable, but I have a relationship to end. Kelso, here's everything you ever gave me. I don't want it anymore.
Suzy Simpson: Look, Fez, you don't have to do this.
Jackie: Yeah, Fez, when you split up with someone, you don't have to give stuff back. You wait until they leave the house, take everything they care about and break the rest. That way, they have nothing.
Hyde: Lucky for me, I already have nothing.
Jackie: Oh, you can have less.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Eric, I can't believe you knocked up a girl, too. I mean, you lose points for not doing it in a public place, but, hey, give me five.
Eric: Kelso, I don't really think this is a "give me five" moment, okay? I am really freaked out. Well, right now, I'm not so much freaked out as starving and fascinated by your nose.
Kelso: Yeah, it's perfect. And you'd be amazed at what I can fit up in there. But the important thing is that you have responsibilities now. So, you gotta step up like I did.
Hyde: Look, if you mean you stepped up on a urinal to climb out of a window to get away from the girl you got pregnant, then, yeah, you stepped up.
[The camera pans to an empty seat]
Eric: Still no Fez, huh? Wow, Kelso, you really must have pissed him off. He hasn't stayed away this long since he discovered bubble baths.
Kelso: Yeah, Fez still isn't talking to me. But I think he's calling, 'cause every once in a while, I pick up the phone and all I hear is breathing and the crinkle of a candy being unwrapped.
Hyde: Man, we are sitting in the circle talking about relationships. What happened to us? This stash must be from California.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Okay, look, so I'll just tell you what my mom says, okay?
Donna: Okay, just make sure she doesn't know you're talking about us. Tell her you have a friend. A Canadian friend. Who lives in an igloo so she can't call her.
Eric: Donna, I think I know how to be subtle.
Eric: Mommy, Mommy, Donna might be pregnant!
Kitty: Did she trap you? We'll move you away. We won't play her game.
Eric: No. No, it's nothing like that. It's just, I had to tell someone. Hey, promise me you won't say anything to Dad.
Kitty: Fine, I promise. Oh, this is all my fault. I should never have been intimate with your father while you were in the crib next to the bed.