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‘An Eric Forman Christmas’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: An Eric Forman Christmas

412. An Eric Forman Christmas

Aired December 18, 2001

Eric is unhappy with his friends when he directs the church's nativity play and they keep making ridiculous suggestions. Meanwhile, Red gets into a war with Bob over Christmas decorations.

Quote from Red

Red: Bob, your decorations are in the dumpster behind the liquor store.
Bob: Thanks, Red. If I had mistletoe, I'd kiss you.
Red: Yeah, well, if I had "mistlefoot," it'd be in your ass. [laughs]
Kitty: You know what I would like for Christmas? No more talk about you putting your foot in other people's rear ends.
Red: Maybe next year, Kitty.


Quote from Hyde

Eric: Guys, check this out. It looks just like when we were kids. And look, the wise-men gifts: gold, myrrh, and- [sniffs] Hyde, I think this one's yours.
Hyde: That'd be my baggie of frankincense.

Quote from Red

[As Red sneaks back into the house draped in Christmas decorations, he screams as he turns around and sees Kitty]
Kitty: Red, are you stealing Bob's Christmas decorations?
Red: It's only stealing if you, uh... if you keep it. I'm throwing all this crap away.
Kitty: Oh, my God. I'm married to the Grinch. I'm Mrs. Grinch.
Red: Well, as long as you're not Mrs. Tattletale, we'll be fine.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: So, Eric, have you made your Christmas list for Santa yet?
Eric: Well, um, I was going to, but then I turned 10.
Kitty: Steven made his.
Hyde: T-shirts.
Eric: Well, I guess I could ask for a cassette player for the Vista Cruiser like I have for the last 80 years. But I won't get one, so I might as well just ask for a raincoat.
Kitty: Oh, so you want a raincoat?

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Uh, Eric, I don't want to play Joseph as a carpenter. Oh, how about if I play him as a spaceman?
Eric: Okay, uh, Kelso, I don't think Jesus was the son of a spaceman.
Kelso: Oh, really? Well, where do you think God lives?
Leo: It's true, man. [points to the heavens]

Quote from Hyde

Eric: Man, remember when you used to come downstairs Christmas morning and you'd see your stocking over the fire all filled with toys?
Hyde: Well, one year, I saw my mom's panty hose on the radiator and, uh, Uncle "Strange Man" sleeping on the floor. He had a red nose though. That's Christmassy.

Quote from Kitty

Eric: Yeah, Christmas used to be so cool. Now it's just another day.
Kitty: Okay. Okay. It sounds like somebody needs a little holiday cheer. I know! [laughing] You could direct the Christmas pageant at the church.
Eric: Hey, yeah, that's the worst idea I've ever heard!
Kitty: Eric, you used to love that pageant when you were a little boy. And you need some Christmas spirit. And I already signed you up.
Eric: Well, it was fun when we were kids. Then again, so was eating crayons. Yeah, okay. I'll do it.
Kitty: Good. Okay, now, Steven-
Hyde: No! No!
Kitty: Oh. So you won't be in a show about how there was no room at the inn even though this innkeeper gave you a room?
Hyde: Your guilt has no power over me! I'll do it.
Eric: Fa la la la la La la la- boned [chuckles]

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: You guys, you guys! Great news. Rudolph, Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, The Little Drummer Boy... They're all on TV this week. We can watch 'em.
Hyde: Yeah. We can wear our p.j.'s and eat gumdrops and drink Kool-Aid. Hooray.
Kelso: Yeah!

Quote from Jackie

Eric: Okay, guys, let's talk about your parts.
Jackie: Okay, Eric, I want to be the Virgin Mary. See, she's pure and holy and rides a unicorn.
Eric: No, Jackie, she doesn't ride a unicorn.
Jackie: She does now. A white unicorn with speckles. Write that down.

Quote from Bob

[Red is woken up by Christmas music and lights shining into his bedroom]
Red: What the hell?
Kitty: It's the Russians!
Red: Aw, geez. [opens window] Bob!
Bob: [o.s.] Hey there, hi there, ho-ho-ho there.
Red: Bob, it's midnight. Turn that crap off.
Bob: What would I do that for? Hey, check out the keister on Mrs. Claus. I know what I want for Christmas.
Red: Bob, are you drunk?
Bob: I'm not sober.

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