Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Keg’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: The Keg

106. The Keg

Aired October 25, 1998

After Eric and Donna cut class, they find a keg in the middle of the road and decide to host a party in the pool of an unoccupied house.

Quote from Fez

Fez: How did you find it?
Hyde: We were driving down the road, man, and there she was.
Fez: Oh, it was a beer in the headlights. [laughs] That is my first American joke.


Quote from Kelso

Donna: Go for it, Eric.
Eric: Yeah, we'll throw a party. Gonna charge $2 a head.
Kelso: $2 a head. A keg is equivalent to seven cases, that's 168 beers. If we each drink three beers a piece-
Hyde: No way, sophomores gonna drink one.
Kelso: True.
Hyde: Yeah, and the freshmen will only drink a half.
Kelso: So that averages out to 1.5 beers per person which means we can invite 112 people. That's $224.
Hyde: Cash.
Kelso: Which is decent.

Quote from Bob

Bob: Those kids could be anywhere. Needle, meet haystack.
Red: Look, they left the house in a wood-paneled ocean liner. We should be able to find them.
Bob: Yep, it's a real asphalt jungle out here. The sun goes down, the rats come out. I lost my mailbox last year. Oh, yeah, you know what it is? The evil spilling over from Sheboygan. Oh, how many stories do you suppose there are in this naked burg?
Red: Eight, Bob. There are eight.

Quote from Midge

Kitty: Well, I am just so excited. Rich Man, Poor Man. I missed the first episode.
Midge: Here's the irony of the show, Kitty, the rich, safe guy is boring. It's the poor, rugged one, played by the very talented Nick Nolte who is so exciting.
Kitty: Well, super.

Quote from Bob

Bob: [sings] Then the door burst open wide And my daddy stepped inside And he kissed my mama's face And he brushed her tears away The night Chicago died
Red: Would you turn that damn thing off? Keep your eyes peeled for that Vista Cruiser.
Bob: Okey dokey. [hums] Sorry.

Quote from Fez

Eric: How often do you find a mysterious keg of free beer?
Kelso: Only once in a while.
Hyde: You're right, Forman. Man, you are absolutely right. When God gives you a keg, you've gotta...
Fez: Kill a virgin.
Eric: No. Throw a party.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Hey, gang. [they hide the keg behind curtains] Oh, don't mind me. Just came down to do an emergency presoak on my nurses' uniform. [chuckles] You remember Mr. Wilbur, the fireman? Well, he came in today with a sebaceous cyst which is a pocket of fluid that's kind of like a pussy bath oil bead under your skin. And you think it's solid, but if you take an instrument and you pierce the core and then you apply pressure with your thumb... [Eric walks in with the tub] Hi, snicklefritz, what are you doing with the tub?
Eric: Oh, the tub. We were just working on a class project.
Hyde: We're making a volcano... snicklefritz.
Kitty: Out of ice? Well, I think it might melt. [laughs]

Quote from Kelso

Eric: Guys, we've got to get the keg out of here.
Donna: Well, where are we having the party?
Kelso: Beats me. Hey, if you guys need me I'll be with Jackie over at our secret make-out place.
Donna: Secret make-out place.
Kelso: It's this vacant house over on Sherman. I mean, this place is great. It's totally private. I mean, you can get away with about anything there. So, if you guys find a place for that keg, let me know.
[After Kelso exits, Donna stares at her watch and waits. Kelso returns:]
Kelso: I've got an idea!

Quote from Red

Bob: That's a Sylvania, isn't it, Red? You didn't buy that in my store, did you?
Red: No, Bob, I, got a good deal on it. [laughs]
Bob: [laughs] You got me. Oh, you got me, Red. Yeah.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Now, who would like a drink?
Bob: Let's do daiquiris.
Kitty: Ooh, I don't know if we have enough ice. Eric took a whole tub full.
Red: He took a tub of ice?
Kitty: Oh, the kids are making a volcano.
Midge: Right, that's why Donna left with all the plastic cups.
Red: Plastic cups?
Midge: Sure, plastic volcano cups.
Bob: [chuckles] If I didn't know better, I'd say they were having a kegger. Oh, jeez!
Red: Let's go, Bob.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode