Season 6, Episode 3 - Aired November 12, 2003
Eric has mixed emotions on his eighteenth birthday as Donna is set to leave for college. Meanwhile, Kitty is excited that she and Red can finally be intimate together after his heart attack.
Quote from Fez
Eric: Kelso, Donna and I are fine, okay? I mean, she's waiting until the very last bus to go to school tomorrow so we can spend every minute of my birthday together. We're just gonna make this work.
Fez: Eric, long-distance relationships don't work. Just ask my girlfriend back home.
Eric: Fez, you have a girlfriend back home?
Fez: No, don't you listen? Long-distance relationships don't work.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: No, no, no! Why are you here? You can't be here!
Eric: Oh, right, I'll go outside, then I'll come back, and you guys yell, "Surprise!" and I'll yell, "You got me!"
Kitty: Eric, honey, there's no party.
Eric: What? How can there not be a party? Mom, what is more important than your only son's 18th birthday?
Kitty: Okay, fine. For the first time since his heart attack, your father and I are having intercourse. [all groan]
Red: [at the top of the stairs] Okay, let's get this over with.
Kitty: Happy birthday. [runs upstairs]
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Well, hello, handsome.
Red: Boy, am I tired. I think I'll just go to bed.
Kitty: Red Forman, what has gotten into you?
Red: I just think that there are more appropriate ways for us to spend our time. Uh... like you knit and I'll whittle. That's a nice life.
Kitty: Red, I know what this is about. You're afraid of getting physical so soon after your heart attack.
Red: Kitty, you know I love what we do but.... am I willing to die for it?
Kitty: Now, you just relax. Nurse Kitty is here to take care of you.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Whoa, check out the new stereo. Oh, it plays records and eight-tracks? This thing's, like, right out of the future.
Eric: Yeah, Donna gave it to me. I think she feels bad that she's going to college without me. So, on the one hand I'm losing the girl that I've been in love with since I was five, but on the other hand, I get a crappy stereo.
Kelso: Score! What? I mean, she's going to dump you eventually. Rock-and-roll never dies.
Quote from Eric
Eric: You guys, Donna and I are not gonna let a couple of miles come between us, okay? This isn't the end of the world.
[a few beers later:]
Eric: My world is over, man.
Hyde: Forman, I know what you're thinking. Donna's gonna go to school, meet a whole bunch of people way cooler than you, and probably fall in love with someone else.
Eric: And you don't think she will?
Hyde: Oh, I know she will. My advice to you is drink up. I can't believe she's just leaving, you know? Hasn't she heard of a little something called sacrifice? You know, she sacrifices an education, or a career, or a future of any kind, and in exchange she gets me.
Kelso: I'd make that trade, you're a dependable guy. You don't offer much in the way of excitement, but if it's the same old same old the girl's after, look out.
Eric: I never deserved her, anyway.
Quote from Red
[When Red and Kitty walk into the kitchen in the morning, Eric is passed out on the table wearing a woman's dress with black paint on his cheeks]
Kitty: Oh, good Lord.
Eric: [wakes up] What, what?
Red: Happy birthday, dumbass.
Quote from Red
Kitty: Okay, Red, remember, don't tire yourself out today, because tonight is a special night in the bedroom.
Red: Bob Newhart's on Carson?
Kitty: No, silly. It's been a month since your heart attack. Tonight's the night the doctor gave us the "okay." You know, the "okay."
Red: Kitty, I don't like clues, just say it.
Kitty: The okay to make love.
Red: Don't say that. [Eric enters]
Kitty: Well, tonight is my only night off this week.
Red: Let's not talk about it in front of the boy. Or girl, or whatever he is today.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Let's not talk about what in front of the boy? [chuckles] You guys are planning a surprise party for me tonight, aren't you? Well, first of all, thank you. Second of all, let me just say, 18 years old, not too old for ice-cream cake, okay. So, where's my special birthday breakfast?
Kitty: Oh, my goodness, I've been so busy this morning I forgot all about your breakfast.
Eric: Okay, I'll play along. Lah-dee-dah, here I am, completely unaware that I'm about to get my super birthday breakfast with four pieces of bacon.
Kitty: Honey, there is no breakfast.
Eric: Mom, gag's over. Give me the bacon.
Red: Are you sure you want bacon? It's fattening. You barely fit into your best dress as it is.
Kitty: Eric, honey, let me make it up to you. How about tonight, instead of hanging out around here, you just... You take the night off.
Eric: Oh, because there's "no party." [chuckles] I'm with you.
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: Steven, I am so glad we're back together. I thought I'd lost my little Pudding Pop forever.
Hyde: Wanna hear something sick? I actually missed you calling me Pudding Pop.
Donna: [enters] How many times have I told you guys not to make out on my bed? You guys are like cats, you don't even listen. [sprays Jackie and Hyde with water] Down!
Jackie: Donna! Donna, you know what? You're leaving tonight, so technically this isn't your bed anymore. And besides, I just can't keep my hands off my Pudding Pop.
Eric & Donna: Pudding Pop?
Hyde: Is that supposed to be me? I've never heard that name before in my life.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Donna, you're amazing. Taking the midnight bus tonight just so you can spend my whole birthday with me, that... I swear, that is right up there with not wearing a bra in public.
Donna: Boy, you're taking this really well.
Eric: Yeah, well, I know I have a history of ruining these things. Birthdays, holidays, that perm that made you look like a poodle. But I'm not gonna do that, okay? I'm not gonna ruin our last day together. Oh, so you're taking the toaster.
Eric: It's just, you know, we bought it together, so I guess I kind of thought it was, like, our toaster. [chuckles] What do I know? It's not like I'm the one going to college, right? You are, with my toaster.
Donna: Okay, Eric, if it's a problem...
Eric: Oh, it's a problem. You thought you could just sneak it out of town without telling me 'cause you knew it was wrong, didn't you, lady?
Donna: Okay, Eric, I don't know what your deal is, but you're ruining our last day together.
Eric: I wouldn't be me if I didn't ruin it! You know what? Enjoy your toast, I hope it burns!