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Can't You Hear Me Knocking

‘Can't You Hear Me Knocking’

Season 7, Episode 13 -  Aired January 12, 2005

After Kelso makes a threatening phone call to the White House, the guys panic that the Feds are going to come after them. As she tries to get over Hyde, Jackie joins Donna at her karate class. Meanwhile, Kitty invites herself along on Red's fishing trip.

Quote from Hyde

Kelso: There's a black Ford sedan outside. Hyde's right, the Feds found us.
Hyde: Damn it, Kelso. You finally figure out how to use a phone, now we're all going to jail.
Eric: I think you guys are overreacting. There's no way the government would park a car right outside my house.
Hyde: Forman, anything you think the government's not doing, they are doing. The only thing they didn't do is land the man on the moon. No, no, no, no, no. Spielberg shot the entire thing in a Hollywood movie set. That's how he got the job for Jaws.


Quote from Kelso

Eric: Kelso, if you ask the White House if there's a Russian death ray, they're gonna have you committed. So, yeah, I say go for it.
Kelso: Well, obviously they won't admit it. There'd be panic in the streets. That's why I gotta trick them into talking about it. It's what us cops call "tricking them." I'm on. [on the phone] Hello? White House? Yeah, yes, I have a couple of questions. Yes, uh, how well is the President protected? Well, uh... because someone wants to hurt the President, that's why. You're damn right it's a threat, it's a terrible threat on the President's life. [Eric laughs]
Hyde: Awesome.
Kelso: What? Where am I right now? I'm in Red Forman's house in Point Place...
All: No! [Hyde hangs up the phone]
Hyde: You idiot, you just told them where we are.
Kelso: So?
Hyde: Kelso, you just threatened the President's life. They're gonna come here and arrest us.
Kelso: No, no, I'm not threatening his life. It's the Russians that have the Russian death ray.
Fez: You didn't mention the death ray.
Kelso: A-ha! So you admit that there's a death ray.

Quote from Red

Red: Oh, my God. There's a hundred morons in my basement. That's okay, not even that can ruin this day.
Eric: Yes, one man, and only one man, has the power to ruin his day. 'Tis I.
Red: Nope, not even you can do it. But really, who the hell talks like that?

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: It's a great present, guys. I especially like the teeny white paper you all wrapped it in.
Kelso: Yeah, the only thing that could ruin today is if the Russians set off that Russian death ray that's pointed at the White House. No, seriously. No, I read about it in a magazine.
Eric: Kelso, that was The Flash, and it is a comic book.
Fez: I love comic books. I wish I had thought bubbles. [looks up] You see anything?
Hyde: Kelso, the Russians don't have a death ray, but they do have a stupid ray and it's pointed directly at you.
Kelso: No, the Russians do have a death ray, and I'll prove it. [dials phone] Operator, give me the White House.
Eric: Kelso, I'm not allowed to make long distance calls without permission.
Kelso: Oh, awesome, I'm on hold, and they're playing that theme song to the President.
Eric: Hail to the Chief.
Kelso: Thank you, Eric, but I'm trying to enjoy the President's theme song.

Quote from Kelso

[circle in the living room:]
Hyde: This is our third circle and it hasn't calmed me down at all. I feel almost more suspicious than before.
Fez: I don't want to get sent back to my home country. If I return in shame, I'll get stoned. And then, you'll throw rocks at me.
Eric: Everybody just settle down, okay. Settle down! You are all losing your minds! Who is yelling? Who is yelling? We all just need to keep calm. [knock on door] That's the door. We're all gonna die!
[circle ends]
Kelso: It's okay. It's okay. I know what to do. Okay. Eric, you answer the door, we'll all sneak out the back.
Eric: What?
Kelso: Yeah, yeah. No, no, you'll go to jail, I'll pull some strings to get you out. Point Place PD has connections with the FBI, one of our dogs transferred from there.

Quote from Kelso

Eric: Hey, guys, you know what? Maybe the FBI has an opinion 'cause they're listening to us. Remember the V-A-C-U-U-M?
Hyde: It spelled "vacuum."
Kelso: Whoa, vacuum has two "u's" in it? No, that's messed up.

Quote from Hyde

Fez: Okay, well, maybe we should turn it on and see if it's really a vacuum, and if it is, maybe we should tidy up a bit.
[After Eric turns on the vacuum and the motor starts, the guys panic and jump on it, breaking it into pieces]
Kelso: Wait. One question. If the vacuum really was bugged, couldn't we just put it outside?
Hyde: Damn. When Kelso's the only one thinking straight, we're in trouble. Guys, we're making too many mistakes. We need to sit down and figure this out.
Hyde: Okay, this is starting to feel like work, man. Feds have ruined the circle. The circle sucks. That's right, I said it.
Kelso: Hey, this circle is the only thing that's keeping us sharp. If it weren't for this circle, we'd have no idea that the Feds were surrounding us, planting bugs everywhere, watching our every move. So I say thank you to the circle.
Eric: I just want everyone to know I'm prepared to fight my way out of here. [holds up light saber]

Quote from Hyde

Fez: Guys, if that's a Feds' car outside, we better dispose of the evidence right now.
[circle in the living room:]
Eric: Oh, yeah. Good job disposing of all the evidence, you guys.
Kelso: You better take this serious, Eric. We have a lot of evidence to dispose of, even more than we had at the Pink Floyd concert.
Fez: Yeah, there is a lot. And without all the smoke machines and lasers, this is just like punishment.
Hyde: Man, I never thought I'd say this, but I wish there were more people to share this with.

Quote from Eric

Fez: I cannot believe it. Now they have a surveillance van outside. I hope they're not taking pictures. I'm a little puffy.
Eric: Okay, this has gone too far, we didn't do anything wrong.
Kelso: What kind of country is this if you can't make one threatening phone call to the White House?
Hyde: Let's find out what's really going on here.
Eric: Yeah. [holds light saber]
Hyde: You know, that's not a real weapon, right?
Eric: I know.
Hyde: Not even if you really, really believe.
Eric: I don't. [quietly] Don't let me down, baby.

Quote from Kitty

Donna: So, Hyde, how are you doing now that you and Jackie are broken up?
Hyde: I am the old Hyde again, kept by no woman, loyal to no man.
Eric: Beholden to no comb.
Kitty: No, Steven, does so use a comb, it's one of those Afro picks. You should wear it sticking out of your hair.

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