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Jackie Bags Hyde

‘Jackie Bags Hyde’

Season 3, Episode 8 -  Aired December 12, 2000

Red is angry when Bob decides to throw a competing Veterans Day barbecue. Meanwhile, Jackie tries to make Hyde jealous.

Quote from Bob

Bob: This will show Red. We're gonna have the best barbecue ever. If there's one thing you learn in the National Guard, it's how to cook. Oh, I'm gonna defrost some chicken.


Quote from Hyde

Jackie: So, Steven. Would you like to go to Mr. Forman's barbecue with me?
Hyde: No. As a matter of fact, I don't want to go anywhere with you.
Jackie: You know, that's okay. You know what? We can stay in.
Hyde: No, Jackie. Look, I told you, again and again I have no interest in you, and you don't have a chance. And yet, you keep thinking that I have interest in you, and you have a chance.
Jackie: Wait, did you just say that you're interested in me and that I have a chance?
Hyde: Okay. You know what? You've forced me to do this. I'm gonna explain my feelings to you through a highly disciplined form of Japanese poetry: haiku. "My heart aches with pain. When I see you, I vomit. Die away from me."
Donna: Ouch.
Hyde: [chuckles] Sayonara.

Quote from Red

Kelso: Look. I'm Paul Stanley from KISS.
Red: Kelso, don't play with the cheese. These damn kids. They don't respect anything American.
Kitty: Oh, Red, this isn't about the kids misusing dairy products. You're still upset that Bob marched in the Veteran's Day parade.
Red: Well, he was only in the National Guard. It's called Veteran's Day. Not Pansy-ass, National Guard Wussy, Pansy-ass Day.
Kitty: Oh, come on, Red. Are any dirty Commies less dead because of him?
Red: No, I guess not. You're right, Kitty. You know, I'm gonna put away this uniform, and then we'll fire up that grill.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: And then Steven said, "That's cool." But not like "cool." More like he's jealous.
Donna: Jackie, or he just thinks it's cool.
Jackie: Donna, it is so romantic. Just like West Side Story. Yeah, but without the dancing and the Puerto Ricans. Wait. Is Fez Puerto Rican?
Donna: You know what? I don't know.
Jackie: Huh.

Quote from Midge

Donna: Mom, the Formans have a barbecue every Veteran's Day. I mean, why are we having one?
Midge: Honey, this isn't about a barbecue. This is about your father going bankrupt. Now help me with these chairs.
Donna: What? What are you talking about?
Midge: We need the chairs for people to sit on.
Donna: No, Mom. About Dad being bankrupt.
Midge: Your dad's appliance store's going out of business 'cause he can't compete with Price Mart. So he decided to throw a big barbecue.
Donna: Okay, I'm still not getting this.
Midge: Oh, your dad wants to be big shot one last time before everybody discovers what a failure he is.
Donna: Oh, my God.
Midge: And please don't tell anybody. He's very sensitive about being a failure.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Man, I can't believe Jackie chose that guy over me.
Fez: Or me for that matter.
Kelso: Yeah, that's true. 'Cause you're a good-looking guy.
Fez: Back at you, Kelso. Your eyelashes, they go for, like, miles.
Kelso: I've heard that. Yeah. I'm what's known as "man-pretty."

Quote from Donna

Donna: Did you ever stop to think that maybe my dad's barbecue is really important to him?
Eric: Uh, no. Because it's just a stupid barbecue.
Donna: It's not stupid. I'm so sick of your dad. He's such a jerk.
Eric: Whoa. My dad's a jerk? Well, Donna, your dad's a jerk, and he's just copying my dad. And your dad didn't even fight in the war. You're just a National Guard kid. Yeah, I said it. What? What?
Donna: Oh, yeah? Well, you and Red are going down. And you know what else? I was wrong, Eric. Red's not a jerk. He's an ass, and you're an ass. 'Cause the ass doesn't fall far from the ass tree. "What did I say, what?"

Quote from Jackie

Hyde: Jackie, get your car. We're going on a freakin' date.
Jackie: Oh, my God. It's a Veteran's Day miracle.

Quote from Hyde

Jackie: So, Steven. Isn't Veteran's Day romantic?
Hyde: Oh, yeah. Government pawns and missing limbs. That's amore.
Jackie: I know, I know. It's a day for people in love to have fun together.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Okay. Well, we've gone through three batches of ambrosia salad.
Red: Three batches! Not since D-day has there been such a complete and glorious victory.

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