Hyde: Hey, what do I need Jackie for, man? I know more about this stuff than she does. The three true branches of the government are military, corporate, and Hollywood. I need a pencil. I got it. I got it.

Jackie: Okay. You know what, Michael? I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna do my homework.
Eric: You do your homework on a Saturday night?
Jackie: Yeah.
Eric: Look, I mean, look at me. I've got a 1,000-word term paper due Monday but you don't see me sweating. I've got a whole crappy Sunday to do it.
Kelso: Jackie, don't go home. I mean, Steve Martin's hosting Saturday Night.
Jackie: I hate that show, okay? They have commercials that you think are real but they're not real. And then you wanna buy the stuff.

Kitty: All right. All right. Now, you listen up. I have had an extremely stressful day. And I am not proud of what I'm about to say, but someone give me a cigarette! Now!
Eric: But, Mom, we don't smoke.
Kitty: Cut the crap, Eric. I am a nurse. I know that one in five teenagers smoke. One, two, three, four, five. Now, I'm going to close my eyes, and when I open them there had better be a cigarette between these two fingers. Come on, people, hop to!
[One person reaches out to Kitty and puts a cigarette between her fingers]
Kitty: Thank you. Light?
[Everybody reaches out with a lighter]

Hyde: "With their sugar-coated ideals designed to anesthetize the ignorant masses. Why? So that the military/corporate branches can carry out world domination." All right, read that back to me.
Donna: Okay. [clears throat] [makes warbling sounds]
Hyde: You didn't get that?
Donna: All right, let's just use the encyclopedia.
Hyde: Oh, you just want to vomit up facts from an encyclopedia?
Donna: Yes.
Hyde: Okay, fine. You know what? Vomit away. I will not be a part of this, then.

Kelso: Damn!
Hyde: Oh, Kelso misses another one. I believe that's H-O-R.
Fez: Ah, you are a whore.
Kelso: No, the game is Horse.

Donna: Finally. Where have you guys been?
Kelso: We had to look for the paper, and eat and then some stuff happened, you know.
Eric: Your shirt's on inside out.
Kelso: Yeah, that's the stuff.
Donna: Where's the paper?
Jackie: Right. Okay, see? It wasn't on the three branches of the government, it was on the four food groups.

Kitty: Well, now, aren't the waffles extra delicious this wonderful morning?
Eric: Did you quit smoking again?
Kitty: And why do you ask, little one?
Eric: Well, you're kind of talking like Snow White, so I figured-
Red: Eric!
Eric: Which is great because I really want you to quit.
Kitty: Well, I should've quit a long time ago. I'm a nurse. I know better. More sausage?

Kitty: [inner monologue] Dear God. Thank you so much for helping me quit such a filthy, disgusting... soothing, delicious habit. Oh, God, I can't do this. No, no, I'm fine. Amen.

Eric: [inner monologue] Dear God. I don't mean to bother you on your day off but I promised to help out with Grandma and I have a term paper due tomorrow. So if you could either get her to leave early today or burn down the school tomorrow. I mean, either or, God's choice. It'd really help me out, man. God. Lord. Uh, amen.

Red: [inner monologue] Dear Lord. Would it kill you to give the Packers a winning season? Amen. Oh, and watch over my loving family... blah, blah, blah.