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Fez Dates Donna

‘Fez Dates Donna’

Season 3, Episode 21 -  Aired May 1, 2001

Fez and Donna go out together so Caroline will leave him alone. Eric and the guys bet on when Jackie and Kelso will have an argument. Meanwhile, Bob claims ownership of part of Red's property.

Quote from Red

Red: Need something, Bob?
Bob: Well, it's a funny thing. The wife and I, we're taking out a second mortgage on the house. Well, that's not the funny part 'cause we're pretty much destitute.
Red: It's a little bit funny, Bob.
Bob: Anyways, I'm looking at the deed to the property and the map shows that I own a couple feet of your driveway and a little bit of your garage.
Red: How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?
Bob: I wouldn't, to be quite honest.
Red: It's free.


Quote from Fez

[Eric and Donna kiss]
Fez: Excuse me. Our date is not over. Now, good day, sir.
Eric: But, Fez-
Fez: I said good day.
Eric: Fez, I'm not going anywhere.
Fez: Fine. Then good day. [walks away]
Donna: Fez.
Fez: I said good day!

Quote from Fez

Fez: [slurping] [sighs] That is the saddest sound in the world. [loud slurp] [sighs] No more soda for Fez. And no more money for-
Eric: Fez, do you need me to buy you another soda?
Fez: Oh, Eric, you do not buy soda. You only rent it. You know what I mean. I mean, you pee it out.
Eric: Yeah, I got it. Go.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Eric, I cannot thank you enough for lending me your girlfriend. It feels so good to be in a normal, healthy relationship.
Eric: Fez, it's a fake, pretend relationship.
Fez: You say tomato, I say tomato.
Eric: Fez, "to-mah-to."
Fez: What?
Eric: You say "to-mah-to."
Fez: Why would I say "to-mah-to"? That's not even a word, dummy.
Eric: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Fez: It's okay, Eric. Different strokes for different strokes.
Eric: Right.

Quote from Bob

Bob: You know, you two just don't get it, do you? That jam was on my property. I'll show you the deed. [clears throat] There's my lot. There's yours. There's the property line right there. [Red rotates the deed 180 degrees] Oops.
Red: Well... [clears throat] Looks like I own part of your property.
Bob: I, uh... I will not stand for this trickery! You get out of my house!
Red: No problem. [walks to the door and stands there]

Quote from Fez

Fez: Well, I'll have to remember that phone number.
Caroline: Hi, Fez!
Fez: Caroline! What are you doing?
Caroline: I knew you'd be in here. I saw you had the large root beer.
Fez: Caroline, you have to leave me alone.
Caroline: But I wanna be with you!
Fez: But I told you we're through because I am with Donna. Yes? Remember? Donna?
Caroline: Well, you'd better be, because if you're not that means you still love me. And if you still love me but you're not with me, I'll make you pay.
Fez: That would only be scary if I was lying about Donna and me. [weak chuckle]
Caroline: Well, if you are lying I'll know, because I'll be watching you.
Fez: Go ahead. I'm not afraid.

Quote from Hyde

Kelso: I don't wanna blink, 'cause I'm afraid to miss even a second of your cuteness.
Jackie: I know. It's torture for me too.
Hyde: I could tear your eyelids off.
Jackie: Let's go, Michael, to a place where our love is understood.
Eric: Oh, hey, while you're there check out the new monkey house. [Jackie and Kelso leave]
Fez: Oh, it never ends with those two. I love you, I love you, I love you- [blows raspberry]
Hyde: Guys, it won't last. Look, an object in an unnatural state must return to its natural state. Thus, Kelso and Jackie'll have a fight any day.
Fez: Really?
Hyde: It's simple physics.
Eric: Hey, you guys, you know what? We should get a pool going. We'll draw days for five bucks. And if they fight on your day, you win the pot.
Fez: The pot? If that's the prize, I am in.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Donna, I can't thank you enough for agreeing to help me with Caroline.
Donna: Hey, anything for a friend. But if she tries to hurt me, I'm using you as a shield.
Fez: Likewise.

Quote from Eric

Eric: [yawns] Yep, yeah, yep, yep, yeah. So, should I watch a ballerina movie or Get Smart? - [snaps] Get Smart it is. That's right. I said Get Smart. [turns TV on] I'm sorry, Donna. Did you want the last piece? [laughs] Well, it's too late. [chuckles] That's right. I said too late. Yeah, that was me. That's right. That was me. [Hyde enters] Hey, Hyde! Welcome to the bachelor life. You know, without Donna I've realized that I can revert to my natural state. I'm dirty, I'm lazy and I don't wear pants. I'm just like you.
Hyde: Oh, no, no. See, I'm an original. A Warhol. You're just a print.
Eric: Well, those are some pretty strong words coming from a guy who's wearing pants. Wait. This is my favorite part. [off Hyde's look] Oh, yeah, that was me. That's right. That was me.

Quote from Bob

Red: Bob, that's my stuff! You put the hell back my stuff!
Bob: Sorry, Red. It was in my part of the garage.
Kitty: What are you talking about? What is he talking about?
Red: Kitty- Kitty, let me talk to him. Bob, get the hell out of my garage!
Bob: Fine. [walks to the side nearest his property] There ya go.

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