Jackie Burkhart Quotes Page 1 of 32    

Quote from Garage Sale

Jackie: Okay, Michael, I want you to take me to the movies today.
Kelso: I'm way ahead of you, Jackie. 2:00, Smokey and the Bandit.
Jackie: No. No, no, no. I told you. I don't want to see that again. I don't like the South.


Quote from Halloween

Jackie: Hey, you guys, you know what? My church is doing a haunted house.
Donna: I really don't think anyone's gonna be scared by a bunch of Episcopalians.
Kelso: Unless they have chainsaws. Let's go see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Jackie: Michael, I told you, I don't like Texans.

Quote from Fez Gets the Girl

Kelso: Jackie, why do you wanna go anyway? You hate Led Zeppelin.
Jackie: I never said I hated them, Michael. For your information, I think Led is hot.

Quote from Kitty's Birthday (Is That Today?!)

Hyde: What are you doing back there, Fez?
Fez: I- I was- I was just showing Caroline the back of my new car and my tongue.
Kelso: Fez, this isn't your car.
Jackie: Yeah. Foreigners can't drive here unless it's a cab.

Quote from The Trials of Michael Kelso

Jackie: Donna and I were discussing our careers. I'm going into high-end cosmetics and Donna thinks she'll make a great lumberjack.
Donna: Stop telling everybody that.

Quote from Surprise, Surprise

Jackie: Thank you for helping me, Mrs. Forman. Steven is gonna love these cookies.
Kitty: Okay, now start by cracking a couple of eggs into the bowl.
Jackie: I can't touch an egg.
Kitty: Why not?
Jackie: 'Cause it came out of a chicken butt.
Kitty: Honey, they wash it.
Jackie: Well, wash it all you want, it still came out of a butt.

Quote from On with the Show

Donna: Jackie, how are you gonna tell people the news if you don't know any news?
Jackie: Well, I know all the news that's really important, like, who's got a new car, what store is having a sale on leggings, and if there'll ever be peace in the Middle East. [giggles] Who am I kidding? No one cares about China.

Quote from Red Fired Up

Laurie: Hey! This is my house.
Jackie: So what? Eric wants me here. Don't you, Eric?
Eric: Why, yes, I do.
Laurie: You better watch your back.
Jackie: Really? 'Cause you should stop spending so much time on yours.
Kelso: Oh. Burn! [laughs] Hey, I'm sorry. I just got swept away by the super-good burn.
Laurie: Shut up!

Quote from Join Together

Jackie: All right, Donna, put your chair here. I wanna get Steven's attention, and with you next to me I'll look like a tiny porcelain doll.
Donna: You know, Jackie, some people actually find me to be of normal height.
Jackie: Sure, if they're green and jolly.

Quote from Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Jackie: Okay. You know what, Michael? I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna do my homework.
Eric: You do your homework on a Saturday night?
Jackie: Yeah.
Eric: Look, I mean, look at me. I've got a 1,000-word term paper due Monday but you don't see me sweating. I've got a whole crappy Sunday to do it.
Kelso: Jackie, don't go home. I mean, Steve Martin's hosting Saturday Night.
Jackie: I hate that show, okay? They have commercials that you think are real but they're not real. And then you wanna buy the stuff.

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