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‘Down the Road Apiece’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

That '70s Show: Down the Road Apiece

717. Down the Road Apiece

Aired March 2, 2005

Eric decides to travel the country as a documentary filmmaker. Meanwhile, Fez tries to help Jackie and Hyde patch things up.

Quote from Leo

Eric: So, Leo, what have you been doing since you left town?
Leo: Uh, just wandering around trying to find my place in life.
Eric: Yeah, I've been trying to find my place in life, too. It's like... You know, like, where do I fit in?
Leo: No, I've been looking for my house, man.

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Quote from Red

Red: I told him this was a stupid idea, and now we're stuck out here in the middle of nowhere. My foot is shaking, it wants to kick his ass so bad.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Okay, I think it's obvious what happened to Eric. We got an abandoned car, a flat tire and footprints heading off in that direction. Ms. Forman, your son's been kidnapped by coyotes.
Red: Isn't it more likely that he had a flat tire, couldn't change it himself and went off to find some help?
Kelso: And the coyotes got him along the way. Yeah, now you're thinking like a cop.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Okay, enough pussyfooting around, which, by the way, does not mean what I thought it meant. Why don't you just get back together? You know you want to. I don't even know why you broke up in the first place.
Jackie: Because he's an incredibly immature jerk who can't commit to a future with me.
Hyde: What she said, but I agree with me.
Fez: Nice rebuttal, which, by the way, also does not mean what I thought it meant.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Oh, it's as quiet as a basement with two former lovers in it. I can eat the tension with a fork.
Jackie: Wouldn't you cut the tension with a knife?
Fez: Why cut it if you're not gonna eat it?

Quote from Leo

Eric: You know what, Leo? This is my first truck stop and I love it. It's like... How did you find this golden oasis?
Leo: I woke up in the parking lot once.
Eric: And these truckers, they're like... They seem like great salt-of-the-earth guys, you know? Hey, 10-4, good buddies! Oh, crap, they're looking at me.
Leo: No, they're looking at me, man. Truckers love me. They think I'm Bob Seger.

Quote from Eric

Eric: [to video camera] Oh! Hello, America, and welcome to Eric Forman's journey to happiness. Not to be mistaken with Eric Forman's journey to Fatso Burger, or Eric Forman's journey to pee behind the Piggly Wiggly, which... [chuckles]... you just saw earlier. I'll tell you, being on the road like this really makes you feel like a man. [tire bursts] [screams] I guess I'll just have to edit that part out later.
[later:]
Eric: [to video camera] Okay. I think what we've learned today is that the road can be a cruel, cruel mistress. She caresses your tire with her asphalt hand one minute, punctures it the next. But, hey, at least that didn't stop me from making it out of Point Place.
[Eric notices a sign behind him saying "You're now leaving Point Place", so he turns the camera away]
Eric: I think what we've learned today is that the road can be a cruel, cruel mistress. But, hey, at least that didn't stop me from making it out of Point Place.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: What if he stopped to take a picture and he got kidnapped by white slavers? They're gonna kill him. He can't do anything.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Okay, I don't understand why you're taking a video camera on a road trip. You should be packing more sensible items. Like, toilet paper and your mother.
Eric: Look, Mom, accept it. I'm going. Okay, my year off is now officially over, and I think I've finally decided on a sensible career that's gonna provide me with a really stable future. I'm gonna be a traveling documentary filmmaker.
Red: Oh, come on, you made that up. Hey, Kitty, I'm going ice-skating on a rainbow.

Quote from Red

Red: So, they're a family of monsters?
Kelso: No, they're Munsters.
Red: And they're living in a neighborhood of normal people. Why don't the neighbors just get together with some guns and go over there and kill them?
Kelso: I'm pretty sure they're saving that for the last episode.

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