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‘Long Away’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: Long Away

806. Long Away

Aired December 7, 2005

Fez and Jackie are suspicious of how much time Donna is spending with Randy. Meanwhile, Red hires Leo to be the photographer at a veterans' event.

Quote from Red

Bob: Hey, look. I finally got invited to the Point Place veterans' reunion.
Red: What? They don't invite National Guardsmen.
Bob: They didn't. But I wrote a bunch of angry letters until they changed their policy.
Red: Well, that's just great, Bob. Maybe if you'd written a bunch of angry letters to Hitler we could've avoided a war in the first place.
Kitty: I don't think that would have worked. That Hitler seemed like a real cranky bear.

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Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Oh, my God, Fez, I feel really bad for Eric. When Michael was cheating on me, I was devastated. But eventually I learned that the saying is true. It's better to have loved and lost than to be butt-ugly.

Quote from Jackie

Fez: It's been two weeks since we send Eric our letter. Shouldn't he be home by now?
Jackie: Well, it takes about a week to get a letter to Africa, then there is three days of Eric twitching and fidgeting. Oh, then there is a two day hippo-ride to the airport. So, yeah, he should be home by now.

Quote from Jackie

Hyde: Did you two have something to do with Forman and Donna breaking up?
Fez: Are you suggesting... Yeah, yes, we did. But we never... Actually we did that, too. But you can also blame... Actually there is no one else to blame.
Jackie: Look, Steven, all we did was write a letter to Eric telling him that Donna was cheating on him with Randy. What, my magic 8-ball said it was a good idea and that thing is right like, what, one out of six times which is pretty good for a ball.
Hyde: If you two were puppies, I'd smack you in the nose with a magazine. In fact... [smacks Fez] You two idiots need to tell Donna what you did.
Jackie: [scoffs] Are you kidding? No, no, no, no. She'll stomp on us with her giant feet. I do not want the last words I hear to be Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum!

Quote from Red

Red: I can't believe that Leo is a veteran. I don't know whether to like him a little more or like myself a little less.

Quote from Leo

Red: Damn, Leo. I'm impressed. From one veteran to another, I'd like to buy you a drink.
Leo: Actually I'd like to buy you a drink.
Bob: I'll take a drink.
Red: Sorry. This round is for men who fought for Uncle Sam. Not spent the war hiding in their Uncle Sam's house.
Leo: Hey, man, even if he didn't see action, he still deserves a drink.
Red: All right, fine.
Leo: Bartender, one Shirley Temple! [Red and Leo laugh]

Quote from Fez

Fez: I can't believe Eric and Donna are through. I always thought they'd live happily ever after, like Romeo and Juliet.
Hyde: Have you ever read Romeo and Juliet?
Fez: I didn't have to finish it. It is so obvious what happens.

Quote from Red

Kitty: I'm so surprised you were in the army, Leo. I just can't picture you shining your shoes. Can't really picture you finding your shoes.
Leo: Yeah, well, I fought for my country and I have the scars to prove it.
Red: Hey, me, too. Look at that. Guadalcanal, 1942. I took some shrapnel, spent a month in the hospital. That's how I met Bob Hope. Bastard made me laugh even though I had two busted ribs. Dumbass comedian.

Quote from Fez

Fez: But, why I wonder, did you invite Donna instead of any of us? Is it because she is beautiful, blonde and curvy? Actually, you know what, that's a good choice.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Look at them! They're sharing fries!
Jackie: I know. And did you see how fast Randy changed the subject when you mentioned Eric?
Fez: Yeah, something is definitely up. The needle on the Hanky-Panky meter is all the way up to Panky!
Jackie: You know what? I think Donna is cheating on Eric.
Fez: Oh, my God, I think you're right. That is awful. I can just picture that hot-blooded seductress giving it away in a sweaty moment of lust. Oh, why do I do that to myself?

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