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Long Away

‘Long Away’

Season 8, Episode 6 -  Aired December 7, 2005

Fez and Jackie are suspicious of how much time Donna is spending with Randy. Meanwhile, Red hires Leo to be the photographer at a veterans' event.

Quote from Red

Bob: Hey, look. I finally got invited to the Point Place veterans' reunion.
Red: What? They don't invite National Guardsmen.
Bob: They didn't. But I wrote a bunch of angry letters until they changed their policy.
Red: Well, that's just great, Bob. Maybe if you'd written a bunch of angry letters to Hitler we could've avoided a war in the first place.
Kitty: I don't think that would have worked. That Hitler seemed like a real cranky bear.

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Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Oh, my God, Fez, I feel really bad for Eric. When Michael was cheating on me, I was devastated. But eventually I learned that the saying is true. It's better to have loved and lost than to be butt-ugly.

Quote from Jackie

Fez: It's been two weeks since we send Eric our letter. Shouldn't he be home by now?
Jackie: Well, it takes about a week to get a letter to Africa, then there is three days of Eric twitching and fidgeting. Oh, then there is a two day hippo-ride to the airport. So, yeah, he should be home by now.

Quote from Jackie

Hyde: Did you two have something to do with Forman and Donna breaking up?
Fez: Are you suggesting... Yeah, yes, we did. But we never... Actually we did that, too. But you can also blame... Actually there is no one else to blame.
Jackie: Look, Steven, all we did was write a letter to Eric telling him that Donna was cheating on him with Randy. What, my magic 8-ball said it was a good idea and that thing is right like, what, one out of six times which is pretty good for a ball.
Hyde: If you two were puppies, I'd smack you in the nose with a magazine. In fact... [smacks Fez] You two idiots need to tell Donna what you did.
Jackie: [scoffs] Are you kidding? No, no, no, no. She'll stomp on us with her giant feet. I do not want the last words I hear to be Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum!

Quote from Red

Red: I can't believe that Leo is a veteran. I don't know whether to like him a little more or like myself a little less.

Quote from Leo

Red: Damn, Leo. I'm impressed. From one veteran to another, I'd like to buy you a drink.
Leo: Actually I'd like to buy you a drink.
Bob: I'll take a drink.
Red: Sorry. This round is for men who fought for Uncle Sam. Not spent the war hiding in their Uncle Sam's house.
Leo: Hey, man, even if he didn't see action, he still deserves a drink.
Red: All right, fine.
Leo: Bartender, one Shirley Temple! [Red and Leo laugh]

Quote from Fez

Fez: I can't believe Eric and Donna are through. I always thought they'd live happily ever after, like Romeo and Juliet.
Hyde: Have you ever read Romeo and Juliet?
Fez: I didn't have to finish it. It is so obvious what happens.

Quote from Red

Kitty: I'm so surprised you were in the army, Leo. I just can't picture you shining your shoes. Can't really picture you finding your shoes.
Leo: Yeah, well, I fought for my country and I have the scars to prove it.
Red: Hey, me, too. Look at that. Guadalcanal, 1942. I took some shrapnel, spent a month in the hospital. That's how I met Bob Hope. Bastard made me laugh even though I had two busted ribs. Dumbass comedian.

Quote from Fez

Fez: But, why I wonder, did you invite Donna instead of any of us? Is it because she is beautiful, blonde and curvy? Actually, you know what, that's a good choice.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Look at them! They're sharing fries!
Jackie: I know. And did you see how fast Randy changed the subject when you mentioned Eric?
Fez: Yeah, something is definitely up. The needle on the Hanky-Panky meter is all the way up to Panky!
Jackie: You know what? I think Donna is cheating on Eric.
Fez: Oh, my God, I think you're right. That is awful. I can just picture that hot-blooded seductress giving it away in a sweaty moment of lust. Oh, why do I do that to myself?

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