Red: Oh, no. She hasn't done this since Elvis died on the crapper. Now I've gotta sit by her bed for four days and tell her that she's beautiful. It's hard to say that to a cold-cream-smeared loony in bunny slippers.
Eric: I remember that week. The shades were drawn. The food supply ran low. We were sucking on bouillon cubes to stay alive.

Bea: So what were you saying, dear?
Eric: Um, well, I was saying that I'm getting married.
Bea: Oh, honey, how wonderful! So, who's the lucky girl?
Eric: Well, um, Donna.
Bea: Oh. Well, I guess this is a small town. [chuckles] [kisses Eric's head and walks away]
Donna: Okay, what the hell did that mean?
Eric: That, my friend, is the seldom heard but much feared Grandma burn. Your only warning is the jingle of costume jewelry and the overpowering scent of BenGay.

Eric: Okay, let me get this straight. After my grandpa's funeral, Kelso and Annette are making out. Jackie sees them and yells, "Get off my boyfriend"? Right in front of you?
Fez: Yeah, it brought the whole funeral way down.
Eric: Hyde, that's horrible, man. You know what's even worse? I totally missed it.
Hyde: Yeah? Well, nobody else missed it. Half the fricking town was there. And today at The Hub, you know that kid Jimmy with the headgear? He said he felt bad for me. Jimmy Headgear felt bad for me! I knew it was a mistake hooking up with Jackie, and I did it anyway. You know why? 'Cause she makes you stupid. I bet Kelso was composing symphonies before her.

Kelso: Hyde. Man, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 'Cause what Jackie did to you was embarrassing. You must be so embarrassed. I told a lot of people what happened and they all agreed that it was... just really embarrassing.
Eric: Kelso, now is not the time.
Kelso: No, I just wanna buck our boy up, 'cause what happened to him was so embarrassing!
Hyde: That's it. I'm gonna kick your ass.
Eric: Whoa, whoa! Why don't we go upstairs. We got that new JCPenney catalog. There's a full-color section on bras. Word has it the airbrush guy totally missed a nipple.
Kelso: I don't know why he's so mad. I was just being sensitive!

Donna: Mrs. Forman, this chili is great.
Kitty: Thanks. Daddy used to love my chili. Remember, Mom?
Bea: I remember it gave him the toots.
Red: Well, that's a nice place to start reminiscing.

Bea: So, Eric, are you excited about your big Valentine's dance?
Eric: Yeah. I'm just glad it's in the gym. There's nothing like celebrating the most romantic night of your life in the room where I got my first wedgie.
Donna: It meant I liked you, Eric.

Kitty: If you don't mind, I'd like to talk about my father.
Bea: Well, Kitty, we can dwell on what was or we can talk about what is. If I've learned anything from losing my Burtie Bear, it's that all that really matters is making sure that the people we love know we love them.
Kitty: Mom, that was wonderful.
Bea: I mean it. Eric, I love you.
Eric: Oh. Well, thanks, Grandma.
Bea: Kitty... I think I'll go for a walk. [exits]
Kitty: [chuckles] Well, this was fun. I'm gonna go to bed for a few days.

Donna: Yeah, but did you hear what your grandma said about love being the only thing that matters? Eric, we should tell her that we're engaged.
Eric: What?
Donna: She could be the one person who'd be happy for us. We're gonna need someone on our side when we tell our families.
Eric: Yeah. And you know what? Even if she's not on our side, the minute Grandma thinks it's a bad idea my mom will be booking the big room at the Holiday Inn just out of spite.
Donna: So, it's a win-win.
Eric: Yeah. We're gonna do what Luke Skywalker was too afraid to do. Use the Dark Side to our advantage.
Donna: Eric, if we're gonna be married, you really gotta ease up on the Star Wars stuff. All right? It doesn't apply to everything.
Eric: I'm gonna have to rewrite my vows.

Red: Kitty, I'm just going to the corner to get you some soup. I'm not leaving you for somebody younger and less dramatic. [to Bea] This is your fault. If I wanna get my wife out of bed, I gotta tie a rope around her and attach it to my bumper and pull her out like a stump.

[circle:]
Eric: So, my grandma doesn't think Donna's good enough for me. How great is that? Finally, someone thinks Donna's the lucky one. No more, "Hey, how'd he get her?" Or, "Oh, that skinny guy must really be rich." Yeah, that's right. I heard the whispers. I just pretended not to.
Fez: Who was whispering? We said it right to you.
Hyde: Well, I'm done with Jackie, and I feel like a guy who had a 95-pound mole removed. A 95-pound, Donny Osmond loving shoe-shopping, Ice Capade attending mole.
Kelso: Hyde, I know that's just coming from a place of deep, deep pain. And I really do feel bad that my "foxitude" broke you and Jackie up. And I'd tone it down, but I just don't know how.