‘I Love Cake’
Season 2, Episode 7 - Aired November 9, 1999
Eric is caught off guard when Donna tells him that she loves him. Meanwhile, Bob leaves his house after an argument with Midge.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Oh, my God. Did you hear that? It sounds like a bloody hook scraping against the back door. What's... What's wrong? You're like a million miles away.
Donna: I don't- I don't know. It's just that my parents are fighting like, all the time. It just makes me so mad. Like I want to kick their asses, but I can't. But I want to do something.
Eric: Okay. Take me, Donna.
Eric: Go ahead. Take me. Punish your parents by using me for sex. Do your business and be done with it. Go ahead. Don't be shy. I can take it. But... God, do be gentle.
Donna: You didn't actually think that was gonna work, did you?
Eric: No, but I'm a virgin, and it's driving me crazy. But that's not your fault... No, wait. Yes, it is.
Quote from Jackie
Donna: And then he punched me in the arm and said, "Man!"
Jackie: Oh, my God. What a horrible disaster. Well, go on!
Donna: I guess I, like, totally screwed things up. 'Cause ever since I said, "I love you," he's been acting so weird.
Jackie: Okay, wait a second. I'm a little confused. Why did you say, "I love you"?
Donna: Because I love him?
Jackie: Oh! Donna, that's got nothing to do with it! You are way too young to be saying, "I love you."
Donna: Shut up, Jackie. You say it to Kelso all the time, and you're, like, younger than me.
Jackie: Not in love years. All right, look, Eric doesn't know how to handle that kind of thing. You probably just scared him off. All you can do right now is play it cool for a while, turn down the emotional heat, and, Donna, God willing, he'll forget you threw yourself at him.
Donna: I know it sounds impossible, but what you just said actually makes sense.
Jackie: Look, the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be.
Quote from Bob
Bob: Hi, you two. Thought you might wanna know. Midge and I worked things out.
Red: Well, that's just great, Bob.
Bob: Yeah. We're separating.
Red: You can't stay with us.
Bob: No. I'll be staying at home. We're gonna live together. We're just gonna see other people.
Red: Okay, Bob, I want you to think about this. You're living in the same house, but you're dating other people. I'm not saying for sure there'll be problems, but I want you to think about it. Think hard, Bob.
Bob: I think it's gonna be sexy.
Quote from Eric
Eric: So, they're really gonna separate?
Donna: Yeah, but they're still gonna live together.
Eric: Oh. Wow. Are... Are you okay?
Donna: Yeah, but, I mean, that's just like the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I mean, how's that supposed to work?
Eric: Well, I imagine it'll be like when Gilligan and the Skipper had a fight, and they drew a chalk line down the center of their hut. That worked out great.
Donna: Yeah. That solved all their problems.
Eric: Yeah. [Donna chuckles] I love you.
Donna: I love you, too.
Eric: All right, then. [Donna chuckles] [they kiss]
Quote from Eric
Hyde: What did you do?
Eric: Nothing! I did what you said. I told her I loved her.
Hyde: You're lying.
Eric: No, it's true, except... Except... And I might've, you know... Popped her one on the shoulder and called her, "Man."
Fez: You idiot.
Eric: Hey, this isn't my fault. It's your fault! You said if I told her I loved her, she'd say it back, but she didn't, man. She just stared at me.
Hyde: Well, did you give her a chance to answer? How long did you wait before you completely muffed out?
Eric: Forever, man. Like, five minutes.
Hyde: You're lying!
Eric: No. It's true. It was like... Well, maybe just a couple seconds, but I... Time ceased to exist, okay? I was just hangin' out there, really far out there. Just... hangin'.
Hyde: "Eric contributes in class, but does not follow directions."
Quote from Red
[After Red knocks on Midge's door, she opens the shutters]
Midge: Oh. It's you. I'm not taking him back, Red.
Red: No, no, no, no. I'm just gonna trim a few of these branches for you.
[Red closes the shutters, runs down the side of the house and grabs a severed tree branch. He lays down on the ground and places the branch on top of himself.]
Red: Help! Midge, I'm trapped under this very heavy branch! Help!
Midge: [comes out] Oh, my God! Red! Are you hurt?
Red: Go, Bob, go!
[Midge screams as Bob quickly runs into the house and closes the door.]
Bob: I'm in!
Midge: Oh! Red, that was not nice.
Red: I'm not sorry, Midge.
Quote from Bob
Red: Morning, Bob.
Bob: Morning, Red. Probably wondering why I'm in your car, huh?
Red: No. Just get out and have a nice day.
Bob: Midgie and I got into a fight, Red, and I walked out. Guess that'll teach her, right?
Red: Well, you're the one sleeping in the car, Bob.
Bob: Right. Well, that's 'cause when I stormed out, I sort of forgot some stuff. You know, keys, wallet, blow dryer. All I need now is a place to stay. Maybe with some friends.
Red: Well, uh... We don't, uh, have a blow dryer, Bob.
Bob: Laurie's got a blow dryer. I know 'cause she's got that Farrah Fawcett hairdo. That's not natural. You... You know, I wouldn't even need my own room. Just a little corner to sleep in.
Red: Oh, Bob- I mean- Oh, cripes. Okay.
Bob: Oh, thanks, Red. You're my best friend.
Red: No, I'm not.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Why is Bob in my bathtub? You told me you sent him home. That's what you said, "He went home."
Red: [clears throat] He did go home... And then Midge kicked him out.
Kitty: But he went home.
Red: Well, now he's back.
Kitty: Red, he's in my bathtub. I can't have him in my bathtub. His Afro gel is gonna leave a ring.
Red: This isn't easy on me, either, Kitty. He tried to talk to me about his feelings. He almost started to cry. I really wanted to punch him!
Kitty: Bob can't stay here, Red. I know that makes me a bad person. I don't care. I'm bad, so let's just get him out of here!
Red: Well, then go talk to Midge and fix it up.
Kitty: [laughs] No. You let the stray in. You find him a home.
Red: It's not that simple, Kitty.
Kitty: Do you want me to go to my unhappy place, Red?
Red: I'll talk to Midge first thing in the morning.
Kitty: Thank you, Red. You're a wonderful husband. Now, when you're done with the paper, you get upstairs and scrub my tub. Okay. You're done!
Quote from Eric
Donna: How do you do that?
Eric: Do what?
Donna: You always make me feel better.
Eric: Uh... Well, thank you. [Donna kisses Eric]
Donna: I love you, Eric.
Eric: I love cake.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Do you think when girls have sleepovers, sometimes, they, they play games and giggle, and then, every once in a while, they start to make out all together in a big naked heap?
Hyde: I sure hope so.
Fez: Me, too.