Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Ron: Well, what do you got here? You know, you got "Don Ho: Live At Honolulu", you got "Jerry Vale Sings Italian Love Songs" you got Sergio Mendes, now come on...
Kramer: Wait, wait, wait. Sergio Mendes has a cult following.
Newman: They follow him like a cult.
Kramer: He can't even walk down the street in South America.
Ron: Look, that's his problem, all right? Now you don't like it, too bad.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] I don't like it.
Newman: I don't like it.
Ron: Well, then get the hell out of my store, all right? You bring me something decent, I'll give you some money.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] All right, we'll be back, jack.
Newman: All right, we'll be back, jack!

Uncle Leo: Look at this. I told them medium rare. It's medium.
Jerry: Hey, it happens.
Uncle Leo: I bet that cook is an anti-Semite!
Jerry: He didn't see you. He has no idea who you are.
Uncle Leo: They don't just overcook a hamburger, Jerry.
Jerry: All right. Anyway, the point I was making before Goebbels made your hamburger is...

Elaine: You got a comfort problem there?
Kramer: No, I think these Jockeys shrunk.
Elaine: I thought you wore silk underwear.
Kramer: No. Well, you know, I wore them for about a month, but I couldn't stick with it. I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house.
Elaine: That's nice. Listen, Kramer, you know, if you ever wanna have kids, you shouldn't wear briefs. Boxers are much better for your sperm count.
Kramer: Sperm count? Well, how many sperm should I have?
Elaine: A lot.