Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld

Seinfeld

The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.

Starring: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Original Run: 1989-1998.

Quote of the Day

Thursday, May 13, 2021

Quote from Frank Costanza in The Serenity Now

George: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit sideways.
Frank Costanza: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like an animal! Serenity now! Serenity now!
George: What is that?
Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, "Serenity now!"
George: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn't specific.
George: What happened to the screen door? It blew off again?
Estelle Costanza: I told you to fix that thing.
Frank Costanza: Serenity now!

Rate

Popular Quotes

Quote from George in The Kiss Hello

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Quote from Kramer in The Package

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Quote Collections

Trending Quotes

Quote from Kramer in The Doodle

Elaine: Did you read the whole thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Elaine: Yeah? So, what's it about?
Kramer: Well, it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Elaine: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Kramer: That's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Elaine: Oh, boy.
Kramer: You see, Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy, you might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high-stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Elaine: Oh, my God.

Quote from Kramer in The Van Buren Boys

George: Jerry, this whole Ellen situation has gone far enough.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: Jerry, she's a loser.
Jerry: Where is this coming from? She's great.
George: Why are you doing this, Jerry? Is it your career? Things are going to pick up.
Jerry: There's nothing wrong with my career.
Kramer: Well, I still like the Bloomingdale's executive training program for him.
George: I thought we said we weren't going to discuss that now.
Kramer: Well, you know, I think it's something he should consider.
George: Of course he should consider it, but now is not the time!
Kramer: Listen, George, all these issues are interrelated.

Quote from Jerry in The Note

Julianna: And usually for lunch I'll have a salad, and for dinner, I eat whatever I want.
Jerry: What do you think the worst part of being blind is?
Julianna: Excuse me?
Jerry: You know, if you were blind what do you think the worst part of it would be?
Julianna: I don't know.
Jerry: I think it would be not being able to tell if there was bugs in my food. How could you ever enjoy a meal like that? I'd constantly be feeling around with my lips and my tongue.
Julianna: Well, that's how my five-year old eats. He's a very picky eater.