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‘The Gymnast’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Gymnast

606. The Gymnast

Aired November 3, 1994

When Jerry dates a former gymnast with whom he has no chemistry, he is hopeful things will be more interesting in the bedroom. George embarrasses himself in front of his girlfriend's mother. Elaine disrupts a business transaction her boss, Mr. Pitt, is involved in. Meanwhile, Kramer has a kidney stone.

Quote from George

George: [buttoning his shirt] A gymnast! I can't believe it, you didn't tell me she was a gymnast.
Jerry: What is this?
George: What? I'm putting my shirt back on.
Jerry: "Back on"? What was it doing off?
George: I take it off when I go to the, uh... You know, to "the office".
Jerry: What for?
George: Well, it frees me up. No encumbrances.
Jerry: Unbuttoned, or all the way off?
George: All the way, baby!

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Quote from George

Jerry: So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an eclair, in the receptacle. And you think to yourself, "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."
George: No, no. No, no, no. It was not trash!
Jerry: Was it in the trash?
George: Yes.
Jerry: Then it was trash.
George: It wasn't down in, it was sort of on top.
Jerry: But it was in the cylinder!
George: Above the rim.
Jerry: Adjacent to refuse, is refuse.
George: It was on a magazine! And it still had the doily on.
Jerry: Was it eaten?
George: One little bite.
Jerry: Well, that's garbage.
George: But I know who took the bite. It was her aunt!
Jerry: Well, you, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.

Quote from Elaine

Mr. Pitt: I have been accused of wrong-doing. But these false accusations will not deter us. We will annex Poland by the Spring, at any cost! And our stock will rise high! [salutes]

Quote from George

George: [on the phone] No, Lindsay, it was not in the garbage. It was above the garbage. Hovering. Like an angel. Of course I know your aunt bit it. I kissed her goodbye. Listen, can I tell you something else? In my family, we used to eat out of the garbage all the time. It was no big thing. That's right. Oh, okay. Buh-bye.

Quote from George

Jerry: I cannot believe Lindsay's still seeing you after that Breakfast at Tiffany's thing.
George: I think she finds my stupidity charming.
Jerry: As we all do.

Quote from George

George: Anyway, she's uh, having some kind of a family lunch, I'll swing by after.
Jerry: Oh, so you're gonna meet the mother?
George: Yeah, I'll zip in, "How do you do?", zip out. She'll love me.
Jerry: You're good with the mothers.
George: You know, I'm better with the mothers than I am with the daughters.
Jerry: Maybe you should date the mothers.
George: Well, if I could talk to the mothers and have sex with the daughters, then I'd really have something going.
Jerry: Oh, you got something going.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Yeah, well, I think I'm bailing.
Kramer: "Bailing"?
Jerry: Yeah, you know, Kramer, there's always a price to pay for just a sexual dalliance.
Kramer: Jerry, you should pay that price.
Jerry: She's Romanian. What am I gonna talk to her about, Ceausescu?
Kramer: Ch- What?

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: You always take the shirt off?
George: Always.
Jerry: Boy, I tell you, knowing you is like going out in the jungle. I never know what I'm going to find next, and I'm real scared.

Quote from Kramer

Mr. Pitt: Oh, this is very odd.
Kramer: Yeah, it's 3-D art. Computers generate it. Big computers.
Mr. Pitt: Yes, I've heard about these. How do they work?
Kramer: Well, you blur your eyes like you're staring straight through the picture. And you keep your eyes unfocused. And then... [both stare at the picture] Oh, oh, oh, yeah!
Mr. Pitt: I don't see it.
Kramer: Yeah, it's a spaceship, surrounded by planets, asteroids...
Mr. Pitt: I still don't see it.
Elaine: Okay, Kramer, that's enough. Mr. Pitt has got work to do.
Kramer: You ever dream in 3-D? It's like the boogeyman is coming right at you.
Mr. Pitt: A spaceship, where?
Kramer: [pointing] Right in here. Just keep your eyes unfocused.

Quote from George

Mrs. Enright: Oh, George, it is so nice to finally meet you. And I'm sorry we've kept Lindsay so long.
Lindsay: Mother...
George: Oh, no, no, not at all. No, I have always felt that the most important thing in the world is spending time with family.
Mrs. Enright: Oh? Are you and your family close?
George: Very close, yes. Almost painfully close.

Quote from George

Lindsay: Mother, I'm going to walk Nana and Aunt Phyllis to the elevator. George, do you mind waiting just one more minute?
George: Mind? Why would I mind? I would love to wait! [shakes hands with Nan] Nana, nice to see you. Ni-ni-ni-ni-Nana! [embraces another guest] Aunt Phyllis, always a pleasure. What a pleasure! Hey, let's do this again real soon. I had fun, huh?
Mrs. Enright: Can I offer you anything to eat?
George: Oh, no no no, I'm fine. Let me help you with these dishes, huh?
Mrs. Enright: Oh no, George, you don't have to...
George: No, I know I don't have to, I want to.
Mrs. Enright: George, you are such a gentleman.
George: I'd argue if I could, Mrs. Enright.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: What's with you?
Kramer: I got a stone.
Jerry: What stone?
Kramer: A kidney stone.
Jerry: What is that, anyway?
Kramer: It's a... It's a stony mineral concretion, formed abnormally in the kidney. And this jagged shard of calcium pushes its way through the ureter into the bladder. It's forced out through the urine!
Jerry: Oh, that's gotta hurt.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Oh, come on. One thing? One thing! What?
Jerry: Well... Frankly, I thought, you know, I was gonna kinda be like the apparatus.
Elaine: You mean like the uneven parallel bars?
Jerry: See, again, I really don't feel that...
Elaine: The balance beam?
Jerry: Could we stop?
Elaine: [gasps] Not the pommel horse?
Jerry: All right. Let's just drop it.

Quote from George

George: [on the phone] No, Lindsay, I had accidentally spilled coffee on the gentleman's windshield. Why would I do that? I have a job! Well, did she see a squeegee? Well, you're not going to make a dime without a squeegee. That's right. That's right. Just tell your mother it was all a big misunderstanding. You won't regret it. Okay, I'll see you later. Buh-bye. [hangs up]
Jerry: Strike two!
George: You think I'm going down?
Jerry: You're behind in the count.
George: I know.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Mr. Pitt, you have got to stop staring at that poster!
Mr. Pitt: I see something that could be a spaceship. Is it round? Is it pointy?
Elaine: [takes poster, smashes it] No, you don't see it, and you're never going to see it! [grabs Pitt by the lapels] Mr. Pitt, you have to meet with the shareholders, you have to leave now. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?!
Mr. Pitt: Hmm. My godness. what's happened to me? [straightens lapels] When's the meeting?
Elaine: In about twenty minutes.
Mr. Pitt: Oh! [puts ink-stained finger to mouth, leaving a Hitler-style moustache] Do I have time to change?
Elaine: Um, no.
Mr. Pitt: Well, excuse me, I'd better get straight over there.
Elaine: Uh, Mr. Pitt...
Mr. Pitt: Yes?
Elaine: Um, there's a just... [points at her own upper lip]
Mr. Pitt: [sees Elaine's hands covered in ink] Is that ink?
Elaine: No.

Quote from Jerry

Katya: He'll be all right. I must go and be with Misha now. I don't want you to come with me.
Jerry: Oh, why not?
Katya: It has been three days since our night together. Misha said that was all the time I needed to put in.
Jerry: Really?
Katya: In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the comedian. You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no comedian.


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