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‘The Dealership’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Dealership

911. The Dealership

Aired January 8, 1997

Jerry and friends go to a car dealership so he can get a special deal from Puddy. George is upset when a mechanic eats a Twix bar he bought. Elaine questions her relationship with Puddy. Kramer takes a car out for a test drive.

Quote from George

George: When are they gonna have the flying cars, already?
Jerry: Yeah, they have been promising that for a while.
George: Years. When we were kids, they made it seem like it was right around the corner.
Jerry: I think Ed Begley Jr. has one.
George: No. That's just electric.
Jerry: What about Harrison Ford? He had one in, uh, Blade Runner. That was a cool one.
George: Well, what's the competition, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?
Jerry: Well, what do you think the big holdup is?
George: The government is very touchy about us being in the air. Let us run around on the ground as much as we want. Anything in the air is a big production.
Jerry: Yeah, right. And what about the floating cities?
George: And the underwater bubble cities?
Jerry: It's like we're living in the '50s here.


Quote from George

Jerry: I told you, Puddy's getting me an insider deal.
George: Since when is Elaine's boyfriend selling cars? I thought he was a mechanic.
Jerry: I guess he graduated.
George: That's an easy move. Go from screwing you behind your back to screwing you right to your face.
Jerry: [Kramer honks the horn] Thank you!
George: Puddy's just gonna give you the car, huh? You'll see. First they stick you with the undercoating, rust-proofing, dealer prep. Suddenly, you're on your back like a turtle.
Jerry: All right. Calm down.
George: My father had a car salesman buddy. He was gonna fix him up real nice. Next thing I know, I'm getting dropped of in a Le Car with a fabric sunroof. All the kids are shouting at me, "Hey, Le George! Bonjour, Le George! Let's stuff Le George in Le Locker!"

Quote from David Puddy

Jerry: So, Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more "grease monkey".
David Puddy: I don't care for that term.
Jerry: Oh. Sorry, I didn't know.
David Puddy: No, I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector.
Jerry: I saw one once that could do sign language.
David Puddy: Yeah, I saw that one. Uh... Koko.
Jerry: Yeah, Koko.
David Puddy: Right, Koko. That chimp's all right. High-five.

Quote from George

George: Excuse me. I believe you just ate my Twix bar. It was dangling. And when you purchased your Twix bar, you got a little freebie, and you never bothered to ask why, or seek out its rightful owner.
Mechanic: First of all, it wasn't a Twix. It was a 5th Avenue bar.
George: Huh. You must think I'm pretty stupid. That was no 5th Avenue bar. I can see the crumb right there in the corner of your lip! Now, that-that-that is a cookie and we all know Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch.
Mechanic: Yeah, it's just a little nougat.
George: Nougat? Please. I think I've reached the point in my life where I can tell between nougat and cookie. So, let's not just say things that are obvious fabrications.
Mechanic: You know, you're gettin' a little vein there..
George: I know about the vein!

Quote from George

George: I'd like to report a problem with one of your mechanics.
Willie: When did you bring the car in?
George: [scoffs] Yeah, right. I'm gonna get my car repaired at a dealership. Why don't I just flush my money down the toilet?
Willie: Sir, what, exactly, is the problem?
George: One of your guys - Kip, or Ned, short name - stole my Twix candy bar.
Willie: Are you saying he grabbed the candy bar away from you?
George: He might as well have. I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.
Willie: I thought you said it was a Twix.
George: Oh, it was. But he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.
Willie: Maybe it was.
George: Oh, no, no. Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.
Willie: What about the $100,000 bar?
George: No. Rice and caramel.
Willie: Nougat?
George: No.
Willie: Positive?
George: Please.
Assistant: You know they changed the name from $100,000 bar to 100 Grand?
George: All I want is my seventy-five cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: This is nice. What kind of car is this?
Cabbie: Caprice Classic.
Elaine: [to Jerry] You couldn't just give him one high-five?
Jerry: And where does it end? Then, everyone's doing it. It's like the wave at ball games. Air quotes. The phrase, "Don't go there." Someone's gotta take a stand.

Quote from Kramer

Rick: And look at these features, Mr. Kramer. Anti-lock breaks, automatic climate control. Uh, make a right at this corner, please. An adjustable steering wheel, and.. Oh, Mr. Kramer, you missed the turn..
Kramer: No. No, I didn't.
Rick: Well, that's okay. We'll make this next right, and swing around to get back to the dealership.
Kramer: Well, it's a test drive, right? I never drive around here. If I'm gonna recommend this car, I need to see that it'll handle my daily routine.
Rick: So where are we going?
Kramer: Just a little place I like to call, "You'll see".

Quote from George

Kramer: That is good suspension!
Jerry: Would you stop it? You'll have plenty of time to destroy it after I get it. Hey, George, I'm buying this car.
George: What is wrong with you? You never tell them you like the car. You're not sure what you want. You don't even know why you're here.

Quote from Kramer

Rick: You've got a good eye, there. I see you've noticed the uni-body construction. I'm Rick. Are you looking to buy or lease?
Kramer: Uh, borrow. It's for my friend. Yeah, he'll be buying..
Rick: Maybe I should talk to him.
Kramer: Oh, I don't think so. No, he's an entertainer. You know, all over the place. That's where I come in.
Rick: I see. So, you're his manag-
Kramer: Yeah, neighbor. That's right. Yeah, why don't we take this boiler out for a shakedown?

Quote from George

George: Look at these salesmen. The only thing these guys fear is the walk-out. No matter what they say, you say, "I'll walk out of here right now!"
Salesman: Can I help you with something?
George: Hold it! One more step and we're walking!
Jerry: George. [to the salesman] Sorry, we're just waiting for David Puddy.
George: He is. You don't know what I'm doing here.

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