Trending Seinfeld Quotes

Quote from Newman in The Old Man

Ron: Well, what do you got here? You know, you got "Don Ho: Live At Honolulu", you got "Jerry Vale Sings Italian Love Songs" you got Sergio Mendes, now come on...
Kramer: Wait, wait, wait. Sergio Mendes has a cult following.
Newman: They follow him like a cult.
Kramer: He can't even walk down the street in South America.
Ron: Look, that's his problem, all right? Now you don't like it, too bad.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] I don't like it.
Newman: I don't like it.
Ron: Well, then get the hell out of my store, all right? You bring me something decent, I'll give you some money.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] All right, we'll be back, jack.
Newman: All right, we'll be back, jack!

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Quote from Kramer in The Summer of George

Raquel Welch: "You are a fraud Dr Tarnover. You haven't even been to Scarsdale."
Kramer: [knocks and enters] Ms. Welch.
Raquel Welch: Who are you?
Kramer: Well, I'm Cosmo Kramer. I'm one of the producers.
Raquel Welch: [answers phone] Hello, Sidney! No. No, I told you I don't want to do that! If you bring it up again I will feed your genitals to a wolf! [hangs up] Kids! You're still here.
Kramer: Well, I- Uh, Ms. Welch I do need to talk to you about a little problem regarding your performance.
[Raquel kicks a chair out of her way and walks up to Kramer]
Raquel Welch: What kind of problem?
Kramer: Well, it seems that due to the vagaries of the production parameters, vis-a-vis the fragmenting of the audience due to cable television, carnivals, water parks...
Raquel Welch: Out with it!
Kramer: Well, you're fired because you don't move your arms when you tap dance. You're like a gorilla out there. I've gotta go...
[As Kramer attempts to run out of the dressing room, Raquel Welch drags him back in]

Quote from Elaine in The Face Painter

[As several women weep at the funeral]
Elaine: You know I really hate my clothes.
Jerry: Hmm.
Elaine: I open up my closet, there's just nothing.
Jerry: Hmm.
Elaine: Nothing. I hate everything I have, I really hate it. [the weeping intensifies] I mean, at this point, it's like I can wear something three or four times and that's it.
Jerry: Hmm.
Elaine: It's getting to be a terrible problem for me.

Quote from Elaine in The Doodle

Elaine: It's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Mandel: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's what led to [clears throat] Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Mandel: Interesting take. So you believe that had he not been so enthusiastic, he could have averted disaster.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, that's right. You see... You see, Billy Mumphrey was a simple country boy, some might say a cockeyed optimist, who got caught up in the dirty game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Mandel: So it was more a question of attitude than politics.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, Mr. Mandel.

Quote from Kramer in The Big Salad

Kramer: You know he talked about Pinkus on the course?
Jerry: He did?
Kramer: Oh yeah, he said he brought a pair of pants into Pinkus' and they came back stained with some kind of dry-cleaning fluid. And Pinkus denied responsibility. You see, he was very upset with Pinkus.
Jerry: So it had nothing to do with you.
Kramer: Yeah, but maybe I pushed him over the edge.
Jerry: No, I don't think so.
Kramer: Poor Pinkus. Poor little Pinkus.

Quote from Frank Costanza in The Sniffing Accountant

Frank Costanza: I'm not saying go to the library and read the whole history, but it wouldn't kill you to know a little bit about it.
George: All right, it wouldn't kill me.
Frank Costanza: How long does it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds. You know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.
George: I-I know about the cups.
Frank Costanza: You got the A, B, C the D. That's the biggest.
George: I know the D is the biggest. I've based my whole life on knowing that the D is the biggest.

Quote from Kramer in The Shoes

Kramer: I just kissed Gail Cunningham.
Jerry: You what?
Kramer: Yeah, I kissed her.
Jerry: You kissed her?
Kramer: Right on the mouth.
Jerry: What kinda great friend are you? How do you go from snubbing to kissing?
Kramer: Well, you know, I saw her outside the Y. You know, she came up to me, she started yelling because I snubbed her. And then we started talking a little bit, and I walked her to her building. And just before I left, I put my arm around her waist, I pulled her to me, and I... I planted one!
Jerry: And what did she do?
Kramer: She kissed me back.
Jerry: I don't get this. I go out with this girl three times, she doesn't want to shake my hand. Why's she kissing you?
Kramer: Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, they like that! Yes! I understand women. The snub is good, they love the snub!
George: No, they don't. I tried that once. I snubbed for a year. Nothing. Every woman I saw, I snubbed. You never saw people so pleased.

Quote from Kramer in The Pony Remark

Jerry: What is this about?
Kramer: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.
Jerry: What are you doing?
Kramer: Levels.
Jerry: Levels?
Kramer: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels. You know, with steps. And it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.