Trending ‘Seinfeld’ Quotes

Quote from Frank Costanza in The Non-Fat Yogurt

Lloyd: Ooh! I asked Mr. Dinkins if he knew any good orthopedists, and he said he had the best. So, I made an appointment for you. Dr. Dekter.
Estelle Costanza: Mayor Dinkins got an appointment for him?
Frank Costanza: You mentioned George's name to Mayor Dinkins? You discussed George with the mayor of New York?
Estelle Costanza: Dinkins was talking about you. He was discussing you.
George: You know, Lloyd, I've been to the doctor. There's really nothing they can do.
Frank Costanza: Hey, Mayor Dinkins set this up for you. You know what kind of a doctor this must be if Dinkins knows him?
George: All right. All right. I'll go.

Quote from George in The Raincoats

George: I guess I've been hanging on to them for so long 'cause I couldn't accept the fact that Dad was really gone forever. [holds a piece of clothing]
Rudy: Uh-huh.
George: They will get a good home won't they?
Rudy: Look, I gotta be honest with you there's nothing here too spectacular.
George: Oh, I beg to differ. My father took great pride in his appearance. He was a very handsome man. A Casanova really.
Rudy: I'll give you, uh, $200 for the three boxes.
George: Could you make it $225 that was his high-game in bowling.
Rudy: Yeah, I'm in a good mood here.
George: Thank you.

Quote from Elaine in The Chicken Roaster

Ipswich: Ms. Benes, the hat you charged to the company was Sable. This is Neutria.
Elaine: Well, that's a kind of Sable.
Ipswich: No, it's a kind of rat.
Elaine: That's a rat hat?
Ipswich: And a poorly made one, even by rat hat standards. I have no choice but to recommend your prompt termination to the board of directors. Nothing short of the approval of Peterman himself will save you this time.
Elaine: But... But he's in the Burmese jungle.
Ipswich: And quite mad, too, from what I hear.
Elaine: Wait. Can I fire you?
Ipswich: No.

Quote from Jerry in The Opposite

Jerry: You know, chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna. Salmon is the opposite of tuna. 'cause salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.
George: Good for the tuna.

Quote from Newman in The Soul Mate

Newman: [to Kramer] With your looks and my words, we'll have built the perfect beast.

Quote from Kramer in The Junk Mail

Kramer: Come on, Jerry, just let me help you.
Jerry: OK.
Kramer: All right! OK! Right, here we go. Yeah. OK, so... "For sale. A big, juicy van." And, ooh, you gotta put down, "interesting trades considered."
Jerry: I don't want to trade.
Kramer: No, you don't have to. It's all about tickling their buying bone.
Jerry: Hey, you know what? This is all your mail. They're putting it in my box now.
Kramer: Oh, that's it. They have gone too far. They keep pushing me and pushing me. Now I got no choice but to go down there... and talk to them.

Quote from Kramer in The Pledge Drive

Kramer: Jerry, did you get my Fortune magazine in your mail?
Jerry: Check the pile.
Kramer: Oh, who sent you a card?
Jerry: I don't know.
Kramer: Open it, it's from Hallmark.
Jerry: Oh.
Kramer: Hello, my love.
Elaine: Hello, darling.

Quote from Kramer in The Boyfriend

Kramer: What's going on?
Jerry: Keith Hernandez just asked me to help him move.
Kramer: What? Well, you hardly know the guy! What a nerve! You see, wasn't I right about this guy? Didn't I tell you? Now, you're not going to do it are you?
Jerry: I said yes.
Kramer: You said yes? Don't you have any pride or self respect? I mean, how can you prostitute yourself like this? I mean, what are you going to do? You're going to start driving him to the airport?
Jerry: I'm not driving him to the airport.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. [gets ready to leave]
Jerry: Hey, Kramer, do me a favor, will you?
Kramer: What?
Jerry: Don't mention it to anybody.
Kramer: I wish you never mentioned it to me!

Quote from George in The Wallet

Jerry: You what? You passed? How could you do that?
George: Jerry, my young friend... you're so naive. You are so, so nave. You know about a few things. You know about comedy, a little bit about relationships, some baseball, but you are so far out of your element here, you are embarrassing yourself. Now, listen to me. I am negotiating. Negotiation, this is what you do in business.
Jerry: Let me explain to you what you just did. There are literally hundreds of people trying to get pilot deals with them this year. They go with maybe five, okay? If we pass, they go to the next show.
George: Ooh, I'm scared. Oh, they're not going to do the show.
Jerry: We're lucky they're even interested in the idea in the first place. We got a show about nothing. With no story. What do you think, they're up there going, "Hey, maybe we should give those two guys, who have no experience and no idea, more money!"
George: Oh, what are we going to do? I'm shaking! I'm shaking!

Quote from Kramer in The Pilot

Kramer: [enters singing and dancing] Hey, pistol-packin mama, you swing that gal around, Allemande left with the old gray hag, around and around you go. Yee-ha!
Jerry: Well, well, well.
Elaine: Congratulations.
Kramer: Well, thank you.
George: You went for the big "E".
Kramer: Wet and wild.

Quote from Kramer in The Lip Reader

Kramer: Hey, George, I saw you on TV yesterday.
George: Really? At the tennis match?
Kramer: Yeah. You were at the snack bar eating a hot fudge sundae.
George: Get out of here. I didn't see any cameras there.
Kramer: Oh, the cameras was.... there. The announcers, they made a couple of cracks about you.
George: Cracks? What were they saying?
Kramer: That you had ice cream all over your face. They were talking about how funny you looked.
George: Maybe Gwen saw it. Maybe that's what did it.
Kramer: Well, I'll tell you it wasn't a pretty sight.

Quote from Kramer in The Scofflaw

Elaine: So he refused to tell you where he got the glasses?
Kramer: Flat out refused!
Elaine: Yeah, isn't that just like him? You know, he has to be the only one who has them.
Kramer: Yeah, tell me about it, soul sister.

Quote from George in The Jimmy

Wilhelm: So, George, have you heard anything about the missing equipment?
George: No. Not a thing.
Wilhelm: You know, George, there's nothing I hate more than a liar.
George: Well, there's no room for someone like that in this organization.
Wilhelm: Are you feeling all right, George?
George: Huh, what?
Wilhelm: You look a little warm.
George: It's the chicken
Wilhelm: You're a terrible liar, George. Look at you, you're a wreck! You're sweating bullets.
George: It's the Kung Pao. George likes his chicken spicy.

Quote from George in The Wig Master

George: I want to know how did that get into my car?
Jiffy Park Guy: Hey, look. You walk in this city you got to expect things are gonna stick to your foot. You open in your car and, bing, condom.
George: That doesn't explain the lipstick on the dashboard?
Jiffy Park Guy: Here, take a few shirts.

Quote from Elaine in The Wait Out

Elaine: God, it is so great to drive again. I miss it so much. [shouts] How about a left turn signal, you moron! Whoa!
Jerry: [inner monologue] I'm so nauseous. She's the worst driver. You know what, on my first road test, I hit a dog. I think it was a golden retriever. No, no, no, it was a yellow lab. I gotta check my messages. [dials phone]
Man: [crossing road] Hey!
Jerry: [inner monologue] I'm so carsick I'm gonna vomit.
Elaine: Oh, my God, Jerry. My friend Kim called. David and Beth got separated last night. They're getting divorced! [suddenly brakes]

Quote from Kramer in The Van Buren Boys

George: Jerry, this whole Ellen situation has gone far enough.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: Jerry, she's a loser.
Jerry: Where is this coming from? She's great.
George: Why are you doing this, Jerry? Is it your career? Things are going to pick up.
Jerry: There's nothing wrong with my career.
Kramer: Well, I still like the Bloomingdale's executive training program for him.
George: I though we said we weren't going to discuss that now.
Kramer: Well, you know, I think it's something he should consider.
George: Of course he should consider it, but now is not the time!
Kramer: Listen, George, all these issues are interrelated.