Kramer: Anyway, it's been two years. I mean isn't there like statue of limitations on that?
Jerry: Statute.
Kramer: What?
Jerry: Statute of limitations. It's not a statue.
Kramer: No, it's statue.
Jerry: Fine, it's a sculpture of limitations.
Kramer: Just wait a minute. Elaine, Elaine! Now, you're smart, is it statue or statute of limitations?
Elaine: Statute.
Kramer: Oh, I really think you're wrong.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: You know, there's always that one location, one store location that's constantly changing hands. Everybody has this in their neighborhood. It's a leather store, then it's a yogurt shop, it's a pet supply. It's constantly changing and nobody can do business there. It's like some sort of Bermuda triangle of retail, you know? Stores open up and then they just disappear without a trace. Nobody knows what happened to 'em. I guess eventually, when, like, aliens land in mother ship of close encounters, bottom will slowly open and all these store owners will come wondering out in a daze going, "I thought there would be more walk-in traffic didn't you?"

Babu Bhatt: Welcome to the Dream Cafe.
Jerry: Well, I've been looking forward to it.
Babu Bhatt: Oh, how did you hear about us?
Jerry: Eh, people, people are talking.
Babu Bhatt: Smoking or non-smoking? We are proud to offer both.
Jerry: Non-smoking would be great.
Babu Bhatt: Very good. My name is Babu Bhatt, I will be your waiter. A steaming hot face cloth for your pleasure.
Jerry: Thank you. [throws the cloth around like a hot potato]
Babu Bhatt: Our specials are tacos, moussaka, and franks and beans.
Jerry: Well, what do you recommend my good fellow?
Babu Bhatt: Oh, the turkey.
Jerry: Oh, the turkey it'll be. And may I say you have a splendid establishment here , my friend. I'm sure you will flourish in this location for many many years.
Babu Bhatt: You're a very kind man. Very kind, thank you. Very kind.
Jerry: [inner monologue] Very kind. I am a kind man. Who else would do something like this? Nobody. Nobody thinks about people like I do. All right, snap out of it you stupid jerk. You're eating a turkey sandwich. What do want, a Nobel price?

Jerry: Babu, you're Pakistani?
Babu Bhatt: Yes, Pakistani. Yes.
Jerry: Babu, may I say something?
Babu Bhatt: Of course, you're a very smart man. I'll listen.
Jerry: I'm not a restaurateur by any means, but it occurred to me that perhaps you might serve some dishes from your native Pakistan? As opposed to, say, the franks and beans, for example.
Babu Bhatt: But there are no Pakistani people here.
Jerry: Doesn't matter. You would have the only authentic Pakistani restaurant in the whole neighborhood.
Babu Bhatt: Yes, you see everything, don't you?
Jerry: Well, not everything. I do what I can.
Babu Bhatt: I'll close down today and when I open again it'll be whole Pakistani restaurant. Thank you. Thank you, very much. You're a very special person, very special.
Jerry: [inner monologue] I am such a great guy. Who else would've gone through the trouble of helping this poor immigrant? I am special. My mother was right. Of course, I've never had Pakistani food. How bad it could be?

Monica: What happened to the test?
George: What? Oh, I spilled some food on it.
Monica: Food? What food?
George: What are you talking about?
Monica: Where did you get food?
George: From my pocket.
Monica: What?
George: I, uh... I had a sandwich in my pocket.
Monica: And coffee?
George: Yeah. Had some coffee, yeah.
Monica: Where did you get the coffee?
George: Where did I get the coffee? Where do think I got the coffee? At the grocery store.
Monica: How did you get there?
George: I walked.
Monica: How did you get out of the apartment? I didn't see you leave.
George: I climbed out the window.
Monica: You climbed out the window?
George: Of course.
Monica: Why didn't you go out the door?
George: The door? Why would I go out the door? The window is right here.
Monica: You are a fascinating man, George Costanza.

Jerry: Babu? Babu... [waves Babu to come to table] Babu, you know, I got to tell you, I never do this, but the shrimp, it's just that it's a little stringy. You have any chicken?
Babu Bhatt: The shrimp is stringy?
Jerry: Well, maybe your refrigerator...
Babu Bhatt: Quiet!
Jerry: No, I-
Babu Bhatt: You shut up! You make me change restaurant, but nobody comes! You say make Pakistani, Babu Bhatt have only Pakistani restaurant. But where are people? You see people? Show me people. There are no people!
Jerry: You know, I think I'll just take the check.
Babu Bhatt: You bad man! You very very bad man! [exits]
Jerry: [inner monologue] Bad man? Could my have mother been wrong?

[stand-up:]
Jerry: It's tough to do a good deed. Let's lok at your professional good deed doers. Your Lone Rangers, your Supermen, your Batmen, your Spidermen, your Elasticmen. They are all wearing disguises. Masks over their faces. Secret identities. Don't want people to know who they are. It's too much aggravation. "Superman, yeah, thanks for saving my life, but did you have to come through my wall? I'm renting here. They've got a security deposit. What am I supposed to do?"

Elaine: Now, what is this test?
Jerry: This woman he's dating is making him to take this IQ test for this course.
Elaine: Oh, that sounds like fun.
George: Yeah, fun. IQ tests are totally bogus. They prove nothing.
Elaine: You'll do well, you're smart.
Jerry: No see, he's not smart. People think he's smart, but he's not.
Elaine: What did you get on your SAT's?
George: It varies.

George: She wants me to take an IQ test.
Jerry: That's because you're stupid enough to wear the cologne.
George: No, she's taking this course in education for her masters. It's part of her research project, I have to be a guinea pig.
Jerry: I've never been a guinea pig. I've been a sheep, a toady...
George: You know, I can't talk to you anymore.
Jerry: All right, I'm sorry. Go ahead, you're taking the IQ test.
George: Yeah, and she's going to find I'm a moron. You know, people think I'm smart, but I'm not smart.
Jerry: Who thinks you're smart?

George: I'm sure I have a low IQ. I've been lying about my SAT scores for 15 years.
Jerry: What did you get?
George: What did I get or what do I say I got?
Jerry: What do you say?
George: I say 1409.
Jerry: 1409, that's a good score.
George: You're telling me.
Jerry: What did you really get?
George: You are my friend.
Jerry: Of course.
George: I tell you everything, right?
Jerry: I hope so.
George: Well, this I take to the grave.