Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Invitations’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Invitations

724. The Invitations

Aired May 16, 1996

George freaks out as his wedding to Susan approaches. Jerry falls in love when he meets a woman just like him.

Quote from George

George: It's coming, Jerry. It's coming.
Jerry: What's coming?
George: The day.
Jerry: Ah, the day.
George: We ordered the wedding invitations today. Nothing can stop it now. Nothing. It's here! It's happening. Can I do this? I can't do this! Look at me. Look at me. I can't do this! I can't do this! Help me, Jerry, help me.
Jerry: Why don't you just break it off with her? Tell her it's over.
George: I can't.
Jerry: Why not?
George: 'cause I can't face that scene. You know what kind of scene that would be? I'd rather be unhappy for the rest of my life than go through something like that. I can't! I can't! I've tried to psyche myself up a million times, I cannot go through that.

Rate

Quote from George

Jerry: So write a letter, move to another borough. Move to Staten Island. It's a lot easier to blend in a sea of people in Staten Island than China believe me.
George: Yeah. Yeah. Staten Island. What about my clothes, how do I get the rest of the clothes?
Jerry: Aah, you come back for your clothes.
George: I'm not going back in there.
Jerry: So forget about your clothes.
George: Well, I'm not starting up a whole new wardrobe now!
Jerry: Look, freedom with no clothes is a lot better than no freedom with clothes.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I think I'm in love.
Kramer: Oh, come on.
Jerry: No, it's true. This woman saved my life. I was crossing the street .I was almost hit by a car. And then we talked, and the whole thing just seemed like a dream.
Kramer: If a guy saved your life you'd be in love with him too.
Jerry: No, this woman is different. She's incredible. She's just like me. She talks like me. She acts like me. She even orders cereal in a restaurant. We even have the same initials. Wait a minute, I just realized what's going on.
Kramer: What?
Jerry: Now I know what I've been looking for all these years... Myself. I've been waiting for me to come along. And now I've swept myself off my feet.
Kramer: You stop it man. You're freaking me out!

Quote from Susan Ross

Susan Ross: Hi. Hey I've been going over the list. What about The Drake? Wanna invite him?
George: Oh, got to invite The Drake. Listen, there's something that's been on my mind and we haven't really talked about it and it's kind of important to me.
Susan Ross: What is it?
George: Well, I put a lot of thought into this and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptial agreement.
Susan Ross: A prenup?
George: Yeah.
Susan Ross: [bursts out laughing]
George: What's so funny?
Susan Ross: You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. [laughs] Yeah! Give me the papers, I'll sign them. [laughing] A prenup!

Quote from George

George: If she would just take a plane somewhere.
Jerry: And what, hope for a crash?
George: It happens.
Jerry: You know what the odds are on a crash? It's a million to one.
George: It's something. It's hope!

Quote from George

George: What about a letter?
Jerry: A letter.
George: I... I write a letter and then I... I go to China. I disappear in a sea of people for, like, six months, a year. You know, just while things simmer down. Eh... Eh... "Dear, Susan. I'm sorry. I made a terrible mistake. I'm really , really sorry."
Jerry: That's it?
George: What? Too short?
Both: Seems a little short, yeah.
Jerry: You can't go to China. What about your job?
George: Right. My job.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Me and Kramer...
[fantasy: Jerry is reading on his couch when Kramer enters the apartment:]
Kramer: Hey, buddy. I thought of a great invention for driving. A periscope in a car, so you can see the traffic.
Jerry: How you gonna drive when looking through a periscope? Besides which, it's not a submarine. There's no room for a periscope in a car.
Kramer: Huh! You make a higher roof.
Jerry: They're not making higher roofs.
Kramer: Well, why can't you make a higher roof?
Jerry: Because it's a stupid idea. No one's gonna go for it. Don't you understand? It's stupid. It's stupid...
[reality: Jerry is about to walk out into the street]
Jerry: Stupid , stupid.
Jeannie: Hey! Hey! Look out. [pulls Jerry back] Are you okay?
Jerry: Yeah! Thanks. Oh, my God, you saved my life.
Jeannie: Shouldn't there be some kind of reward for that?

Quote from Jerry

Jeannie: You see, to me, this is a waste.
Jerry: What?
Jeannie: The shirt you got on under your sweater. It sits in a drawer for three weeks waiting to come out, and when it finally does, it only sticks up half an inch out of your collar.
Jerry: I'm Jerry Seinfeld.
Jeannie: Jeannie Steinman.
Jerry: Hey! Same initials. How do you like that?
Jeannie: I like it.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Well, it's been quite a night. I could sure use a cup of coffee.
Jeannie: Hey, what's the deal with decaf? How do they get the caffeine out of there and then where does it go?
Jerry: [weakly] I don't know.
[As fellow patron gets up to leave, he trips and falls over]
Jeannie: That's a shame.
Jerry: [to waitress] I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Jeannie: Bowl of Corn flakes.
Jerry: More cereals? That's your third bowl today. You had it for breakfast and lunch.
Jeannie: Hey. So, what's the deal with brunch? I mean if it's a combination of breakfast and lunch, how come there's no lupper or no linner?

Quote from Jerry

Kramer: Come on. Come on. What's the matter?
Jerry: I think I may have made a big mistake.
Kramer: Oh, come on.
Jerry: No, all of a sudden it hit me, I realized what the problem is. I can't be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything I need to be with someone the complete opposite of me. It's too much. It's too much, Kramer. I can't take it. I can't take it!
Kramer: It's too bad you got engaged.
Jerry: Yeah! Too bad.

Quote from George

George: [on the phone] Yes I'd like to speak to Marisa Tomei, please? Marisa., hi, it's George Costanza. I'm the short, funny, quirky bald man you met a little while ago. Yeah, I was just calling 'cause I wanted you to know that I'm not engaged anymore. Well, she died. Toxic glue from the wedding invitations. Well, we were expecting about two hundred people. Yeah. Anyway, I got the funeral tomorrow but, my weekend is pretty wide open and I was wondering... [dial tone] Hello? Hello?


 Episode 723 Episode 801 
  Select another episode