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‘The Limo’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Limo

319. The Limo

Aired February 26, 1992

Jerry and George assume new identities to hail a limo back from the airport, unaware that its intended occupant is a neo-Nazi who's holding a rally in New York.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Do you think that the people at the airport that run the stores have any idea what the prices are every place else in the world? Or do you think they just feel they have their own little country out there and they can charge anything they want? "You hungry? Tuna sandwich is nine dollars. You don't like it? Go back to your own country." I think the whole airport airline complex is a huge scam just to sell the tuna sandwiches. I think that profit is what's supporting the whole air travel industry. I mean think about it. The terminals, the airplanes, it's all just a distraction so that you don't notice the beating that you're taking on the tuna.

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Quote from Jerry

Tim: You know, it's funny. You don't look like an O'Brien.
George: Me? [George and Jerry laugh nervously]
Tim: And you really don't look like a Murphy.
Jerry: I may not look like a Murphy but I act like a Murphy.
George: He's extremely Murphy. He's Murphy to a fault.
Tim: Where are you from?
Jerry: Dublin. Originally. Parents came over here when I was eighteen. Cereal famine. Couldn't get a bowl anywhere. Bad. [Celtic accent] 'tis a beautiful country, though. Lush rolling hills. And the peat! Ah, the peat.
Tim: Sounds more like Scottish.
Jerry: We were right on the border.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: I'm telling you, something's going on. I can feel it, sense it.
Elaine: I'm sure he was just joking around.
Kramer: Oh, no, no, no. This is no joke. O'Brien's coming in from Chicago, Jerry's in a limo, says he's O'Brien?
hat's not funny. Oh, my God. Yes. Yes!
Elaine: What? What is it?
Kramer: Don't you see? There's always been something very strange about Jerry. Always so clean and organized. Do I have to spell it out for you? The limo? The name? The rally at Madison Square Garden? Jerry and O'Brien are the same person. Jerry is the leader of the Aryan Union!
Elaine: Jerry's a nazi?!
Kramer: I can't believe I didn't see it.
Elaine: Listen, you idiot! Just calm down! I know Jerry, he's not a Nazi.
Kramer: You don't think so?
Elaine: No, he's just neat.

Quote from George

George: It's all departures. I see nothing but departures. [to a woman] Do you know where the arrivals are? [woman walks away] Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?
Man: There's a clock over there.
George: Where?
Man: There.
George: But you have a watch on.
Man: It's right by the escalator.
George: Why don't you just look at your watch?
Man: I told you, it's right over there.
George: Let me see the watch. [George grabs the man's wrist]
Man: Hey! What are you, some kind of nut?!
George: You know, we're living in a society!

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: You know what I never get with the limo? The tainted windows on the limo. I mean, nobody cares who's in the limo anyway. You see a limo go by, you know it's either a rich guy, or 50 prom kids with $1.75 each. Being in the back of a limo... I'm sorry, it's just not that cool. Most of the time, you feel like you're in some, like, depressing single guy's apartment, like, from 1975. All that maroon Velour furniture, a couple of bottles of wine, three cassette tapes. You're counting, there must've been 10,000 asses already on this seat.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: [claps] Maybe he's with the company.
Elaine: What?
Kramer: The CIA! Maybe they placed him in there to infiltrate the organization from within.
Elaine: What about his comedy act?
Kramer: That's the perfect cover! All that time on the road? Look, Jerry, he's too normal to be a comedian. These comedians, they're sick, neurotic people.
Elaine: Well, what about George?
Kramer: What about him, he's part of it. His whole personality is a disguise. No real person can act the way he does. Elaine, I'm telling you they're with the organization. They're all part of it. He's in there with Helms and Hunt
and Liddy, that whole crowd. George and Jerry, they probably know who killed Kennedy!

Quote from George

Jerry: I'll tell you one thing, this chauffeur's gonna be waiting a while. O'Brien's not showing up.
George: How do you know?
Jerry: He was in Chicago, the flight was overbooked, wouldn't let him on the plane. He kept screaming how he had to get to Madison Square Garden.
George: We should take his limo.
Jerry: Yeah, right.
George: Wait a second. Think about it. He's not showing up. Wait till you see the line of cabs. It's, like, forty-five minutes long. You said he's in Chicago.
Jerry: He's definitely in Chicago.
George: Well, the guy's just standing there.
Jerry: How would we do it?
George: We just go up to him, we say, "We're O'Brien."
Jerry: Maybe he knows O'Brien?
George: No, he doesn't know O'Brien. If he knew O'Brien he wouldn't have a sign. Let's just do it.
Jerry: What if we get caught?
George: What's gonna happen? They can't kill us.

Quote from George

George: Can you believe this? This is incredible! This is one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life! I'm gonna call my mother.
Jerry: What for?
George: To tell her I'm in a limo. [on the car phone] Hello, ma? It's me. Guess where I am. In the back of a limo. No, nobody died. It's a long story, I can't tell you now. Because I can't. I said I can't. If I could, I would. Would you stop it? All right, look, I'm getting off. No, I'm not telling you! How's this? I'm never telling you! I don't care! No! Fine! Never!
Jerry: She happy for you?

Quote from George

George: Where are we going? Why are we pulling off here?
Jerry: Maybe it's a shortcut.
George: We're on the Grand Central, there's no traffic.
Jerry: [opens partition] Excuse me, driver, why are we getting off this exit?
Chauffeur: Pick up the other members of your party.
George: Right. The other members of our party. [closes partition] Other members of our party? What other members of our party? I didn't even know we were in a party. Oh, I'm telling you, the jig is up.
Jerry: It was a bad jig to begin with, we never should have started this jig.
George: It was a good jig.
Jerry: It was a bad jig, a terrible terrible jig. What are we gonna do now? They're gonna know you're not O'Brien.
George: There could be more than one O'Brien on a plane who ordered a limo.
Jerry: First of all, you don't look like any O'Brien, period.

Quote from Jerry

George: Well, you should have been O'Brien.
Jerry: I don't want to be Murphy anymore. Do I still have to be Murphy?
George: Yes, you have to be Murphy.
Jerry: It makes no sense now, me being Murphy.
George: You're Murphy!
Jerry: I'm Seinfeld!
George: You're Murphy! Look, let's just jump out of the car.
Jerry: We're doing sixty miles an hour!
George: So we jump and roll. You won't get hurt.
Jerry: Who are you, Mannix?

Quote from George

Jerry: Well, we gotta make a plan before they come back, what are we gonna do?
George: I don't know.
Jerry: Let's just make a run for it.
George: I can't run, I have a bad hamstring.
Jerry: How'd that happen?
George: I hurt it in a hotel room. You know where they tuck the covers in real tight in those hotel rooms? I can't sleep like that so I tried to kick it out and I pulled it.
Jerry: I know. Why do they make that bed so tight? You gotta sleep with your feet like that.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: So I was watching this movie the other night. It was a World War Two movie and there was Nazis in the movie. And I noticed that the Nazis in those movies always had, like, two separate Heils. They had like the regular Heil that they would do. And then when they were around the offices they had, like, this casual Heil. Rremember that one, you ever notice that? They come in... "Yeah, Heil, how are you? Is the kid back with the coffee yet? Come on, are you finished with the copier? Yeah. World domination, Aryan race... Whose donuts are those? Yeah, Heil. Nice to see, you. Can I have one of those donuts?"


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