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‘The Chinese Woman’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Seinfeld: The Chinese Woman

604. The Chinese Woman

Aired October 13, 1994

Jerry starts dating a woman he spoke to on the phone named Donna Chang. Meanwhile, Elaine gets in the middle of another of Noreen's relationships, and Frank Costanza is seen in the city with a caped man.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Well, looks like you've adjusted to the boxers.
Kramer: Well, I wouldn't go as far as that.
Jerry: You went back to the Jockeys?
Kramer: Wrong again.
Jerry: Oh, no.
Elaine: What? What?
Jerry: Don't you see what's going on here? No boxers, no Jockeys.
Elaine: Eww.
Jerry: The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine.
Jerry: Kramer, say it isn't so.
Kramer: Oh, it be so. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it!
Jerry: Don't you need a little help?
Kramer: Surprisingly, no. I'm free. I'm unfettered. I feel like a naked, innocent boy roaming the countryside.

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Quote from Estelle Costanza

Estelle Costanza: You're not Chinese?
Donna: No.
Estelle Costanza: I thought you were Chinese.
Donna: I'm from Long Island.
Estelle Costanza: Long Island? I thought I was getting advice from a Chinese woman.
Donna: I'm sorry.
Estelle Costanza: Well, then that changes everything.
George: What?
Estelle Costanza: She's not Chinese. I was duped!
George: So what? She still gave you advice. What's the difference if she's not Chinese?
Estelle Costanza: I'm not taking advice from some girl from Long Island.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Here, take my Jockey shorts.
Elaine: Whoa, whoa!
Jerry: Hey, what is that?
Kramer: Look, you gotta help me. I have to get off Jockey shorts.
Jerry: What, you have low sperm count?
Kramer: Very low! Come on, take them.
Jerry: I don't want them.
Kramer: Jerry, look, you gotta help. If I have one pair in my house, I'll wear them.
Jerry: I don't want them.
Kramer: All it takes is one pair.
Jerry: I'm not gonna be able to sleep if those are in the house.
Kramer: Boxers! How do you wear these things? Look at that. They're bagging up. They're rising here. And there's nothing holding me in place. I'm flipping, I'm flopping. What am I gonna do? Jerry, I'm going crazy in these things. [exits]
Jerry: Well, I'm gonna have to move now.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: What would you say if I told you I never impregnated a woman?
Jerry: Really? You never slipped one past the goalie in all these years? Boy, I'm surprised. You've slept with a lot of women.
Kramer: A lot of women! Do you think maybe I'm... depleted?
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you're not totally depleted.
Kramer: Yeah, but what if I am? I'm the last male Kramer. We're facing extinction.
Jerry: So go to a fertility clinic, have your sperm count check.
Kramer: Yeah, but then I'd have to... Well, you know.... Into a cup in the middle of the day?
Elaine: What, does that conflict with your regular schedule?

Quote from Frank Costanza

George: All right, so let me ask you a question. Who was the man in the cape?
Frank Costanza: He was my lawyer.
George: Your lawyer wears a cape?
Frank Costanza: Yeah. So what?
George: Who wears a cape?
Frank Costanza: He's very independent. He doesn't follow the trends.
Estelle Costanza: He looks ridiculous in that thing.
Frank Costanza: You have no eye for fashion!
Estelle Costanza: I have no eye for fashion?

Quote from George

George: Oh, my God! You know what I just realized? If they get divorced and live in two separate places, that's twice as many visits.
Jerry: I never thought of that.
George: Imagine if I had to see them both on the same day. It's like running a double marathon.

Quote from Jerry

George: You know what this has to do with?
Elaine: What?
George: The man in the cape. I bet you he is mixed up in this. I don't trust men in capes.
Jerry: You can't cast aspersions on someone just because they're wearing a cape. Superman wore a cape. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and let you say something bad about him.
George: All right, Superman's the exception.

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: You know what I like about Manhattan? There's no mosquitoes.
George: There's plenty of mosquitoes.
Frank Costanza: Queens is full of mosquitoes.
George: So, Dad-
Frank Costanza: Gnats, too, if I'm not mistaken.

Quote from George

Elaine: Hey, George, we saw your father on the street before.
George: What's he doing in the city today?
[Jerry and Elaine shrug their shoulders]
George: You didn't ask him?
[Jerry and Elaine shake their heads]
George: You didn't say hello?
Elaine: Well, he was with someone... A man in a cape.
George: Why was he wearing a cape?
[Jerry and Elaine shrug their shoulders]
George: Was my father wearing a cape?
Jerry: No, jacket and tie. No cape.
George: Huh. A cape. What was a man with a cape doing with my father? What was my father doing with a man in a cape? Why a cape? [walks out]

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I think the thing I admire most about the Chinese is that they're hanging in there with the chopsticks. Because if you think about it, you know, they've seen the fork by now. I'm sure they've seen the spoon. They're going, "Yeah, they're okay. We're gonna stay with the sticks." I mean, I don't know how they missed it. Thousands of years ago, Chinese farmer gets up has his breakfast with the chopsticks goes out and works all day in the field with a shovel. Hello? Shovel? Not going out there plowing 40 acres with a couple of pool cues.

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