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The Money

‘The Money’

Season 8, Episode 12 -  Aired January 16, 1997

Jerry tries to buy back the Cadillac that his parents sold. George's parents decide to spend George's inheritance. Meanwhile, Kramer is uncomfortable sharing a bed with his girlfriend Emily (guest star Sarah Silverman), and Elaine is granted stock options at work.

Quote from Morty Seinfeld

Elaine: Well, Mr Seinfeld, I..I'm not sure I understand why you want a job here.
Morty Seinfeld: What's not to understand?
Elaine: Well, for one thing, you live in Florida.
Morty Seinfeld: I'm very comfortable working out of the house. I have a phone. We have a Kinko's nearby. You know, I think that my resume speaks for itself.
Elaine: Where is your resume?
Morty Seinfeld: I don't have it. I'll mail you one.
Elaine: All right, Mr Seinfeld, I... What kind of position did you have in mind?
Morty Seinfeld: You sell clothes here, don't you?
Elaine: Yeah.
Morty Seinfeld: Well, I sold raincoats in the garment center for thirty-eight years. In 1949...
Elaine: All right. All right, all right. You come in tomorrow, we'll find something for you to do.
Morty Seinfeld: You won't regret this, Miss Benes. What time should I be in? I get up at 4:00, I could be here as early as 4:25.


Quote from J. Peterman

J. Peterman: So, anyway, effective immediately, Miss Benes will return to her old position, at her original salary and I, of course, will return to mine. Kudos, Elaine, on a job... done.
Elaine: What about my stock options?
J. Peterman: I think not.

Quote from Estelle Costanza

George: Why is there a Cadillac parked in front of the house?
Frank Costanza: That's your mother's new car.
George: You bought that?
Frank Costanza: It's a coupe de elegance.
Estelle Costanza: Your father wanted a Mercedes, but I won't ride in a German car.

Quote from Frank Costanza

George: I been, uh, thinking about the family. Tell me, uh, about Aunt Baby.
Frank Costanza: [looks to the heavens] She's deceased.
George: Yeah. Um, why did she die so young?
Frank Costanza: [looks to Estelle] She had problems. [Estelle nods] Internal.
George: Is that common in our family?
Estelle Costanza: Well, your uncle Moe, he died a young man.
Frank Costanza: Also internal problems.
Estelle Costanza: It's that temper on your side. They're yelling and yelling and then one day, they're all gone.
Frank Costanza: What about your side? Your cousin Hennie. She was sickly from the moment I met her!
Estelle Costanza: Don't you talk about Hennie!
George: I guess you two are the lucky ones.
Frank Costanza: So far.
Estelle Costanza: Frank, if Aunt Baby were alive today, how old would she be?
Frank Costanza: She'd never make it.

Quote from George

George: What kind of money you think your parents have?
Jerry: Excuse me?
George: I bet they have more money than mine.
Jerry: Come on, your parents have money.
George: You think?
Jerry: When did they ever spend any money?
George: Never.
Jerry: What are their living expenses?
George: Nothing.
Jerry: Where do they ever go on vacation?
George: Nowhere.

Quote from George

George: You see what just happened here?
Jerry: What?
George: She treated me to the Arabian mocha java.
Jerry: And you misinterpret this how?
George: She's sticking it to me that she makes more money than me.
Jerry: I'm sure she was just being nice buying you the coffee.
George: No, not nice. She's sticking it to me.
Jerry: You're crazy.
George: Sticking it to me, Jerry.
Jerry: George.
George: Sticking it!

Quote from Helen Seinfeld

Jerry: You sold my Cadillac to Jack Klompus?
Morty Seinfeld: And we want you to have the money.
Jerry: I don't need the money.
Morty Seinfeld: What're you talking about? You had a check bounce at the bodega.
Jerry: Oh, is that what this is all about?! I bounce a check and you sold a Cadillac?!
Helen Seinfeld: Well, also, Jerry, we read an article in the Sun Sentinel. It says stand-up comedy is not what it used to be, what with def jam and all.
Kramer: Yeah, that def jam is a force.

Quote from Kramer

Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, you know, I hear wonderful things about Bloomingdales' executive training program.
Kramer: You know, you've given this comedy thing your best shot. Yeah, you had some good observations, but it's over. Now, this Bloomingdale thing, that could be the next wave.
Jerry: [groans]

Quote from George

George: How much money do you think they have?
Jerry: Few hundred grand?
George: You're saying I stand to inherit three hundred thousand dollars, is that what you're saying?!
Jerry: Of course you may not see it for twenty years.
George: Twenty years? That long?
Jerry: Does your father still eat bacon and eggs every day?
George: Fortunately, yes.
Jerry: How's your family history?
George: I have an aunt that died at seven.
Jerry: Really?
George: Aunt Baby.

Quote from Frank Costanza

George: Mom? Dad?
Estelle Costanza: Well, look who's here. [coldly] Hello, Seinfelds.
George: Wh- What are you doing here?
Frank Costanza: We're having an upscale dinner.
George: What?
Estelle Costanza: Well, after talking to you, we realized we may not have much time left.
Frank Costanza: So, we're blowing it all. Look George, it's a Pierre Cardin.

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