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‘The Non-Fat Yogurt’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Non-Fat Yogurt

507. The Non-Fat Yogurt

Aired November 4, 1993

Jerry and Elaine suspect that a new yogurt place Kramer supports is serving up full-fat yogurt as non-fat. Meanwhile, George gets trapped in a lie about an involuntary elbow nudge.

Quote from George

George: So, he made an appointment for me to see Dinkins' doctor. He's just trying to humiliate me.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
George: And I have to go. If I don't go, he'll know I'm lying.
Jerry: Well, so, what are you going to do? Sit in the doctor's office doing this? He's going to think you're a mental patient.
George: I don't care. Look, Lloyd doesn't know what he's up against. This is nothing to me. My whole life is a lie!

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Quote from Newman

Newman: Well, I wouldn't hear of it. I said, "Nice try, granny!" And I sent her to the back of the line! [laughs]
Jerry: Hello, Newman.
Newman: Hello, Jerry. Say, this yogurt is really something, huh? And it's non-fat. I've been waiting for something like this my whole life. And it's finally here!

Quote from George

George: The next morning, I woke up, and it was going like this. I can control it if I really concentrate. But otherwise, oh!
Doctor: Yes, well, I'm going to have to be perfectly honest with you.
George: Please, doctor.
Doctor: I've examined you.
George: Yes.
Doctor: I've looked at your X-rays.
George: Uh-huh.
Doctor: And I find that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
George: Hmm. Really? Nothing?
Doctor: Nothing that would indicate involuntary spasms.
George: Well, it's kind of a mystery, isn't it?
Doctor: No, not really.
George: How so?
Doctor: May I suggest the possibility that you're faking?
George: Faking? What makes you think that I have time to see doctors, take X-rays, make appointments, when there's absolutely nothing wrong with me? What kind of a person would do a thing like that?
Doctor: I don't know what kind of a person would do something like that. Obviously a very sick person. A very immature person. A person who has no regard for wasting other people's valuable time. Good-bye.
George: Now, see here, doctor.
Doctor: I said, good-bye.
George: Fine. [stands up, hits elbow on table] Ow!

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: How did I gain eight?
Elaine: I don't get it. I, I've been doing the same exercises. I haven't been eating anything different.
Jerry: Me, either. Wait a second. Wait a second. Maybe it's that yogurt.
Kramer: No, no, no. That's hundred percent yogurt.
Jerry: Well, how else could this have happened?
Kramer: Well, maybe it's the Oreos.
Elaine: I don't eat Oreos.
Kramer: You don't eat Oreos? The way you break them open? You're practically having sex with them.

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: Tommy Tune is a very good dancer. You ever see Tommy Tune dancing?
George: No.
Estelle Costanza: I like tap dancing.
Frank Costanza: Tap dancing. Anyone can tap dance. It's all in those shoes.
Estelle Costanza: Are you kidding? They practice for years, those people.
George: What's for supper?
Estelle Costanza: Somebody's at the door.
Frank Costanza: Tommy Tune is very tall. That helps. It makes him lankier.

Quote from Jerry

Maryedith: Well, I hope you're satisfied.
Jerry: What?
Maryedith: Every word out of my son's mouth now is [beep], [beep], [beep]. You know what he said to me five minutes ago? Where's my [beep]ing cupcake?
Jerry: Gee, I'm really sorry.
Maryedith: He wants to be like you because you're a comedian. Maybe you could talk to him?
Jerry: I'd be happy to.
Maryedith: Thank you.
Jerry: Ah, Mary, we've been eating a lot of your husband's yogurt at the yogurt place. Does that have any fat in it?
Maryedith: No [beep]ing way!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: You can't take the chemist out.
Kramer: Why not?
Jerry: Because she's like the jury. She's got to be sequestered.
Kramer: I'm not taking her out just to influence the results.
Jerry: Well, I think the whole thing stinks.
Elaine: It smells. Smells bad. Smells really bad.
Jerry: That's enough.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: Well, with the smells.

Quote from George

George: Oh, look, he's going to ask you about my arm. So, just tell him I banged it against a desk. And it's been moving involuntarily ever since.
Elaine: I can't say that.
George: Why not?
Elaine: What if I like him? I'm going to start out lying to this guy?
George: So, you're taking his side?
Elaine: No. But what if we get married or something? We'll always have that between us.
George: Already you're marrying this guy?
Elaine: You never know.
George: All right, believe me, you're not going to marry him.
Elaine: All right. Well, then what if we become a couple, George? Every time we see you you're going to be walking around going like this? Even you can't keep that up.
Jerry: No, I believe he can.

Quote from Jerry

Maryedith: You know Jerry.
Matthew: Of course, he's the funny [beep]er.
Maryedith: See!
Jerry: Listen, Matthew, I want to explain something to you. Now, cursing is not something that most comedians do.
Matthew: You did it.
Jerry: That's true. But it was an accident. And I haven't done it since. And I would never do it again. And if you continue cursing, you'll never become a comedian like me when you grow up. [phone rings] Excuse me one second.
Elaine: [to George] You know, Lloyd advises Dinkins on everything he does.
George: [to Elaine] Yeah, yeah. Big advisor.
Elaine: He tells him which soap to use.
[Matthew pulls the tape out of Jerry's cassette]
Jerry: What the [beep] are you doing? You little piece of [beep].

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Oh, did you hear about that Dinkins?
Elaine: No. What about him?
Kramer: You didn't hear?
Elaine: Nuh-uh.
Kramer: He's proposing a plan where everyone in the city should wear name tags.
Jerry: Name tags?
Kramer: Yeah! So people can go around saying "hello" to one another. Jerry Oh, I see. So you can go, "Hey, you know who I saw wilding today? Herb!" He's becoming a laughing stock! You know The Times has already stated it could cost him the election. Name tags! [laughs]

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