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‘The Doorman’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Doorman

618. The Doorman

Aired February 23, 1995

When Elaine apartment sits for Mr. Pitt, Jerry is picked on by the building's doorman (guest star Larry Miller). Kramer invents a new undergarment for men. Meanwhile, George tries to get Frank out of his apartment.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Does your back hurt?
Frank Costanza: How did you know?
Kramer: Well, it's obvious, you know. You're carrying a lot of extra baggage up there.
Frank Costanza: Up here?
Kramer: Oh, yeah. Top floor. [sits next to Frank] Listen, Frank, have you ever considered wearing something for support? Now, look at this. Mind you, this is just a prototype.
Frank Costanza: You want me to wear a bra?!
Kramer: No, no. A bra is for ladies. Meet, the Bro.

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Quote from Frank Costanza

Kramer: I told you! Now, Frank, listen. Here's what I'm thinking. Now, you have a friend in the bra business, right?
Frank Costanza: Of course. Sid Farkus. He's the best in the business.
Kramer: Here's our chance. What d'you say? It'll be me, you and the Bro, bro.
Frank Costanza: Let's do it! Except, we gotta do something about the name.
Kramer: Why, what's wrong with Bro?
Frank Costanza: No, bro's no good. Too ethnic.
Kramer: All right, you got something better?
Frank Costanza: How 'bout uh... the Mansiere?
Kramer: Mansiere?
Frank Costanza: That's right. A brassiere for a man. The mansiere, get it?

Quote from Estelle Costanza

Estelle Costanza: Is it safe to come in?
George: Oh, of course. Of course.
Estelle Costanza: You're not having any of your transvestite parties?
Frank Costanza: Will you stop it?
Estelle Costanza: I lived with him for forty years, I never saw him trying on my underwear. As soon as he leaves the house, he turns into J. Edgar Hoover!

Quote from Estelle Costanza

Frank Costanza: We'll go out for dinner tonight.
Estelle Costanza: I can't tonight, I'm busy.
Frank Costanza: What do you mean, busy?
Estelle Costanza: I'm having dinner with someone.
Frank Costanza: With whom?
Estelle Costanza: Sid Farkus.
Frank Costanza: Sid Farkus?! You're not having dinner with a bra salesman.
Estelle Costanza: Hey, he only sells them. He doesn't wear them!

Quote from George

George: Was she, uh... Was she a big, uh, woman?
Estelle Costanza: Big? No, just my height.
George: Bosomy?
Estelle Costanza: Bosomy? You wanna know if your grandmother was bosomy?!
George: No, I was just wondering. The information could be relevant.
Estelle Costanza: Where do you get your genes from?!
George: [to himself] That's what I'd like to know.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Now, it's called the Bro.
Frank Costanza: Or the Mansiere.
Kramer: Yeah, but I prefer the Bro.
Frank Costanza: I like Mansiere.
Farkus: Well, I have to tell you, it's a very interesting idea.
Kramer: Yeah.
Farkus: You know, selling bras exclusively to women, we're really only utilizing fifty percent of the market.
Frank Costanza: That's what we figured, huh?
Kramer: I told you.
Farkus: And, to be perfectly frank, I've always felt I could use some support. I know, when I'm wearing Ban-Lon, there appears to be some jiggling.
Frank Costanza: I wouldn't be caught dead in Ban-Lon.
Farkus: So uh, what d'you see in the back? Hooks? Velcro? What?
Kramer: Uh.
Frank Costanza: Definitely velcro.
Kramer: Say you're getting intimate with a woman uh, you don't want her fumbling and struggling back there. [all chuckle] I think we've all experienced that.

Quote from Frank Costanza

Farkus: Frank, I wanna tell you how sorry I am to hear about you and Estelle separating.
Frank Costanza: Oh, thank you, Sid, but that's all in the past. I'm ready to move on.
Farkus: I've always been very fond of Estelle. Beautiful woman. I, uh, I hope you don't think uh, this is out of line, but would it be okay with you, if I were to ask her out?
Frank Costanza: You wanna go out with my wife?! Where do you get the nerve to ask me something like that?!
Farkus: Oh, no, Frank, I was just saying...
Frank Costanza: I know what you're saying, and I know what you're thinking!
Farkus: No, Frank.
Frank Costanza: Come on, Cosmo, I'm not doing business with this guy.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: You remember a few years ago in New York, we had the doorman strike? They have a union in the fancy buildings, and they went out on strike. Now you would think, if any group of people would not wanna demonstrate what life would be like without them, it would be doormen. "Let's see how they do without us!" There's no doorman, people open the door, they walk in. It's, you know... Who's gonna walk out next? The guys who clean your windshield at the traffic light, with the dirty rag? "We demand shorter yellows, and longer reds!"

Quote from George

George: My father opened his shirt...
Jerry: Yeah, and?
George: Tell him, Kramer.
Kramer: [matter of fact] He had breasts.
Jerry: What do you mean, breasts?
George: Big breasts!
Jerry: So what? A lot of older men have that.
Kramer: No, not these. These were real hooters.
George: I was throwing up all night. It was like my own personal Crying Game.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: You know, Frank can't be too comfortable with those things clanging around. He should wear something for support.
George: You mean like a bra?
Kramer: A bra is for ladies. I'm talking about a support undergarment specifically designed for men.
Jerry: Boy, that brain never stops working, does it?
Kramer: I tell you, I'm gonna go noodle with this.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Hey, hey, wait a second. You live here?
Mr. Green: Of course I live here. I've lived here for twenty years. Now, if you don't let me in, I'm going to call the police and have you arrested.
Jerry: [steps aside] All right. All right. [as the man walks away] You think you're better than me?

Quote from George

Estelle Costanza: So, is your father excited about coming home? [George is distracted] George?
George: Hey, Mom. What kind of woman was grandma?
Estelle Costanza: All of a sudden you're interested in your grandmother?
George: Well, you know. You get to a certain point, you wanna know about your roots.
Estelle Costanza: Well, she was a lovely woman.
George: Yeah. What about physically?
Estelle Costanza: Physically?
George: Yeah, you know, what'd she, uh, look like?
Estelle Costanza: Well, you've seen pictures.
George: You can't tell much from those pictures.

Quote from Frank Costanza

George: Well, you've scared her off. We may never see Mom again.
Frank Costanza: Hey George, what do you like better? The Bro, or the Mansiere?
George: Dad. We need to talk.

Quote from Elaine

Mrs. Payton: I was just speaking to the doorman here, about the couch robbery.
Elaine: Oh really? The doorman. And, pray tell, what did the doorman say?
Mrs. Payton: He said he asked a friend of yours to watch the door.
Elaine: Oh, my. Well, the doorman certainly has a wild imagination, doesn't he?
Doorman: Well, what do we have here? Perhaps Miss Benes could explain why a Jerry Seinfeld signed for this package at the exact same time the couch was stolen.
Elaine: [frantic] He never watched a door before, Mrs Payton, he didn't know how to do it. You know, he's a comedian, Mrs Payton, they don't know how to do anything. Don't you see what's going on here? He set us up. He's playing all these mind games.

Quote from George

George: Jerry took the couch back.
Frank Costanza: He took it back? Didn't you tell him I was using it?
George: Oh, I pleaded with him.
Frank Costanza: Where am I supposed to sleep?
George: Well, I took the liberty of packing your things. Mom's coming to get you.
Kramer: I thought Jerry didn't want that couch, because of the stain?
Frank Costanza: What stain?
Kramer: Oh, you didn't notice? It has a pee-stain.
Frank Costanza: You had me sleeping on a pee-stained couch?
George: No, no, no, no. The cushion was turned over.
Frank Costanza: But, the very idea. You had me lying in urine!


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