Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Dinner Party’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Dinner Party

513. The Dinner Party

Aired February 3, 1994

On their way to a dinner party, Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer stop to get some alcohol and a pastry to take with them.

Quote from George

Elaine: Oh, listen. We should stop off on the way and get a bottle of wine or something.
George: What for?
Elaine: These people invited us for dinner. We have to bring something.
George: Why?
Elaine: Because it's rude, otherwise.
George: You mean just going there because I'm invited... that's rude?
Elaine: Yes.
George: So, you're telling me, instead of being happy to see me they're going to be upset because I didn't bring anything. You see what I'm saying?
Jerry: The fabric of society is very complex, George.

Rate

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: See, the thing about eating a black-and-white cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow, racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.
Elaine: Your views on race relations are fascinating. You really should do an op-ed piece for the Times.
Jerry: Um, um. Look to the cookie, Elaine. Look to the cookie.
[Jerry raises his cookie to an African-American man, who mirrors the gesture]

Quote from George

George: I don't even drink wine. I drink Pepsi.
Elaine: You can't bring Pepsi.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because we're adults?
George: What, you're telling me that wine is better than Pepsi? [snorts] Huh, no way wine is better than Pepsi.
Jerry: I'm telling you, George, I don't think we want to walk in there and put a big plastic jug of Pepsi on the table.
George: I just don't like the idea that any time there is a dinner invitation there's this annoying little chore that goes along with it.
Jerry: You know, you're getting to be an annoying little chore yourself.

Quote from George

Elaine: We should bring some cake. Can you stop off at the bakery?
George: Why don't you just get some Ring Dings at the liquor store?
Elaine: Ring Dings?
George: Hey, Ring Dings are better than anything you'll ever get at a bakery.
Kramer: Oh, I like Ring Dings.
Elaine: George, we can't show up at someone's house with Ring Dings and Pepsi.
Kramer: [shouts to a passing vehicle] Hey, your lights are on!
George: It's a funeral procession. And I got news for you. I show up with Ring Dings and Pepsi, I become the biggest hit of the party. People be coming up to me, "Just between you and me I'm really excited about the Ring Dings and the Pepsi. What are we, Europeans with the Beaujolais and Chardonnay?

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: It is my opinion we never should have landed a man on the moon. It's a mistake. Now everything is compared to that one accomplishment. Now everybody goes, "I can't believe they could land a man on the moon... and taste my coffee!" I think we all would have been a lot happier if they hadn't landed a man on the moon. Then we'd go, "They can't make a prescription bottle top that's easy to open? I'm not surprised they couldn't land a man on the moon. Things make perfect sense to me now." Neil Armstrong should have said, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for every complaining SOB on the face of the earth. "

Quote from George

Elaine: I was just thinking. You know, the four of us can't show up with just one bottle of wine.
George: Oh, here we go.
Elaine: What?
George: Why don't we get them a couch? We'll rent a U-Haul. We'll bring them a nice sectional.

Quote from George

George: I really can not comprehend how stupid people can be sometimes. Can you comprehend it?
Kramer: No, no I can't comprehend it?
George: I mean, we can put a man on the moon but we're still basically very stupid. The guy who's car this is? He could be one of the guys who built the rocket. You see what I'm saying?
Kramer: Well, yeah, yeah. He could build the rocket but he's still stupid for double-parking and blocking somebody in.
George: So you really understand my point about building a rocket and double-parking.
Kramer: Yeah, on one hand he's smart with rockets. And on the other part he's dumb with parking. It's cold out here, huh?
George: Maybe it's not even stupidity. Maybe it's just a blatant disregard for basic human decency. This how dictator's start. You think Mussolini would circle the block six times looking for a spot?
Kramer: How about Idi Amin?
George: I'll tell you, if I was running for office I would ask for the death penalty for double-parking. If this is allowed to go on this is not a society. This is anarchy!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Is it cold out?
Elaine: It's really cold.
Jerry: Scary cold.
Elaine: I don't know. What's your definition of scary cold?
[George enters in a thick Gore-Tex jacket]
Jerry: That.

Quote from George

Elaine: What is that?
George: What?
Jerry: When did you get that?
George: This week. My father got a deal from a friend of his. It's Gore-Tex. You know about Gore-Tex?
Jerry: You like saying Gore-Tex, don't you?
Elaine: Look at you, you can't even turn around in that thing.
Jerry: Look at this. [both start pounding George]
Elaine: Hey, George, can you feel this? Can you?
George: All right, all right. Knock it off!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Where's the heat in this car? Come on, Elaine, warm me up. Oh, I'm cold. Give me a squeeze.
Elaine: Jerry, get off of me. Get off of me!
Jerry: You're pretty comfortable up there, huh, Bubble boy?
George: Oh, yeah. You wish you had this coat.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Umm, I love the smell of bakeries.
Jerry: Oh look, Elaine, the black-and-white cookie. I love the black-and-white. Two races of flavor living side by side in harmony. It's a wonderful thing isn't it?
Elaine: You know, I often wonder what you'll be like when you're senile.
Jerry: I'm looking forward to it.
Elaine: Yeah, I think it will be a very smooth transition for you.

Quote from Kramer

George: All right. I'll tell you what, why don't you go into the store and I'll wait in the car?
Kramer: Why don't you go into the store and I'll wait in the car?
George: Because, I've got the coat. I can sit in the car and not get cold.
Kramer: So what? I'm going to leave the car running and the heater'll be on.
George: Does the heater even work in this car?
Kramer: No.

Quote from Kramer

George: All right, so what are we getting? It's hot in here!
Kramer: What do you say we get a Mouton Cadet?
George: What's that?
Kramer: Well, it's a Bordeaux. It's robust, bold, very dry. As opposed to a Beaujolais, which is richer and fruitier. Here's one. Twelve dollars.
George: Twelve dollars?! I knew we should have gone to the bakery. I guarantee you they aren't getting no twelve dollar cake.
Kramer: All right, but I am going to have to pay you back latter I don't have my wallet.
George: Why not?
Kramer: Because I don't like to carry my wallet. My osteopath says it's bad for my spine. It throws my hips off-kilter.
George: Throws your hips off-kilter. So where's your money?
Kramer: I never take it.
George: So what do you do?
Kramer: Oh, I get by.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Well, how about a carrot cake?
Jerry: Carrot cake? Now why is that a cake? You don't make carrots into a cake. I'm sorry.
Elaine: Black Forrest?
Jerry: Black Forrest? Too scary. You're in the Forrest, ooh. Hey, how about a Napoleon?
Elaine: Napoleon? Who's he to have a cake? He was a ruthless war monger. Might as well get Mengle.
Jerry: That was our babka. We had that babka!

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: What's this one?
Clerk: That's Cinnamon babka.
Jerry: Another babka?
Clerk: There's chocolate and there's cinnamon.
Jerry: Well, we've got to get the cinnamon.
Elaine: No, but they got the chocolate. We'll be going in with lesser babka.
Jerry: I beg your pardon? Cinnamon takes a back seat to no babka. People love cinnamon. It should be on tables at restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime anyone says, "Oh, this is so good. What's in it?" The answer invariably comes back, Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Again and again. Lesser babka? I think not.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: What are you doing? You're going to get a number now?
Jerry: Well, I'm not going to eat a cake with a hair on it.
Elaine: It was a little hair. I took it off.
Jerry: A little hair? Do you think that makes it better?
Elaine: What if it's your hair?
Jerry: What if it's your hair?
Elaine: What is wrong with my hair? Nothing. Nobody takes better care of their hair than me. You can serve dinner on my head.
Jerry: You use that misty herbal rain water crap they sell in the health food store. I use Prell, the hard stuff. A hundred proof, takes your roots out.

Quote from George

George: All right, we got the wine. Aren't we lucky? We got wine. Whoop-di-whoa. Imagine if we didn't bring wine. We'd be shunned by society. Outcasts! Where's your wine?! Get out!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: I had a bad experience with a hair when I was younger.
Elaine: What happened?
Jerry: I'd rather not talk about it.
Elaine: You can't tell me?
Jerry: All right. I once had a hair in my farina and I freaked out.
Elaine: You found a hair in your farina?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: What happened?
Jerry: Well, I started screaming, "There's a hair in my farina. There's a hair in my farina." Then I ran out of the house. And I was running and running... And I was little but I could run very fast. And I just kept running. And they found me, like, three hours later, collapsed at a construction site.
Elaine: Wow. Who's hair was it?
Jerry: My mother's.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: You sold us a hair with a cake around it. I'd like another one.
Clerk: [strenuously coughing]
Jerry: Oh, that's lovely.
Elaine: Ah.
Jerry: That's what you want to see. Yeah, you want to trade your hair for some phlegm. You win the pennant with that trade. Hair for phlegm.
Clerk: Here you are.

Quote from George

George: We're really late now. We're in big trouble. Big trouble.
Kramer: Why?
George: You know, Elaine.
Kramer: What about her?
George: I'm a little scared of her.
Kramer: You're scared of Elaine?
George: Yes!
Kramer: Why?
George: Did you ever see her lose her temper? I was once late because I bought a Panama hat. She grabbed it by the brim, pulled it down so hard my head came right through the top of it.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Wait until I get my hands on that George. I am going to pull that big hood over his little head, tie the string and suffocate him. You remember that Panama hat? That was nothing.

Quote from George

George: Do chickens have individual personalities?
Kramer: [shivering] I don't care.
George: If you had five chickens, could you tell them apart by just the way they acted? Or would they all just be walking around? Cluck, cluck, cluck? Because if they have individual personalities, I don't think we should be eating them.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I heard a weatherman say that 75% of your body heat is actually lost through the top of the top of the head. Which sounds like you could go skiing naked if you got a good hat. But there's no hat that makes a statement quite like a hat with the flaps. [picks up such a hat] The hat with the flaps makes a statement like no other hat makes. This hat says to the world, "I would rather have the heat in my skull rather than anything society could possibly offer." In fact, I would say if you're on trial for a serious crime and you lawyer recommends the insanity defense, this is the hat to wear. I mean, your lawyer should really insist on it. [puts on the hat] He should just go, "Your honor, 'The defense rests'".


 Episode 512 Episode 514 
  Select another episode