Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Serenity Now’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Serenity Now

903. The Serenity Now

Aired October 9, 1997

George goes into business with his father who has a new method to lower his stress. Kramer turns the space in front of his apartment into a slice of rural America. Meanwhile, Jerry's girlfriend is upset that he never shows his emotions, and Elaine attends Mr. Lippman's son's bah mitzvah.

Quote from Frank Costanza

George: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit sideways.
Frank Costanza: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like an animal! Serenity now! Serenity now!
George: What is that?
Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, "Serenity now!"
George: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn't specific.
George: What happened to the screen door? It blew off again?
Estelle Costanza: I told you to fix that thing.
Frank Costanza: Serenity now!

Rate

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: I got no leg room back here. Move your seat forward.
Estelle Costanza: That's as far as it goes.
Frank Costanza: There's a mechanism. You just pull it, and throw your body weight.
Estelle Costanza: I pulled it. It doesn't go.
Frank Costanza: If you want the leg room, say you want the leg room! Don't blame the mechanism!

Quote from Frank Costanza

George: Dad, the hinges are all rusted here. That's why the wind keeps blowing the door off.
Estelle Costanza: [o.s.] I hate that old door. Throw it out!
Frank Costanza: Serenity now!

Quote from Kramer

George: What are you doing?
Kramer: Oh, I'm putting up Frank's screen door. This beauty's got a little life in her yet.
Jerry: What do you need it for?
Kramer: The cool evening breezes of Anytown, USA. Let's see how this baby closes. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Patty won't call me back. I don't know if I can live without her.
Kramer: She's really gotten to you, hasn't she?
Jerry: I don't know what's happening to me.
Kramer: Simple. You let out one emotion, all the rest will come with it. It's like Endora's box.
Jerry: That was the mother on Bewitched. You mean Pandora.
Kramer: Yeah, well, she had one, too.

Quote from Jerry

George: Oh, please don't tell me you love me again, Jerry. I can't handle it.
Jerry: George, letting my emotions out was the best thing I've ever done. Sure I'm not funny anymore, but there's more to life than making shallow, fairly-obvious observations. How about you?

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: You're late again, Costanza, so listen up. Starting tonight, we're having a little sales contest. The loser gets fired, the winner gets a Waterpik.
Estelle Costanza: [o.s.] You're not giving away our Waterpik!
Frank Costanza: Serenity now!

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: Hey, Braun, I got good news and bad news. And they're both the same: you're fired. Costanza, you've won the Waterpik.
Estelle Costanza: [o.s.] You're not gonna give away that Waterpik.
Frank Costanza: You wanna bet? Serenity now! Serenity now!

Quote from Kramer

George: Hey, any of you guys want to come out and help me fix my father's screen door in Queens?
Jerry: Sorry, I'm fixing a screen door in the Bronx.
Kramer: I'll do it.
George: Really? You wanna come?
Kramer: Yeah, I love going to the country.

Quote from Frank Costanza

Estelle Costanza: [o.s.] Get George to put those boxes in the garage.
George: Dad, what is all this?
Estelle Costanza: It's junk.
Frank Costanza: My computers. I've been selling them for two months now. [to Estelle in the other room] Shut up!
George: You're selling computers?
Frank Costanza: Two months ago, I saw a provocative movie on cable TV. It was called The Net, with that girl from the bus. I did a little reading, and I realize, it wasn't that far-fetched.
George: Dad, you know what it takes to compete with Microsoft and IBM?
Frank Costanza: Yes, I do. That's why I got a secret weapon. My son.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: So Adam, I just talked to your father, and, apology accepted.
Adam: I'm not apologizing. It was great. I told everyone.
Elaine: Yeah, I know. Uh, by the way, could you do me a favor and tell Mitchell Tanenbaum that I will be unable to attend this Saturday.
Adam: Are you free Friday night?
Elaine: I am, but that is not the point. You are thirteen, and I am in my early... 20s.
Adam: But I'm a man. The rabbi said so.
Elaine: No, you are not a man. It takes a long time to become a man. I mean, half my friends aren't even there yet.
Adam: Well, if I'm not a man, then this whole thing was a sham! First, they said I was gonna get great gifts, and then, somebody gives me Boggle. I renounce my religion!
Mr. Lippman: [enters] Who wants cookies?
Adam: As of this moment, I am no longer Jewish. I quit!
Mr. Lippman: [mouths] What?
Elaine: Walnuts, mmm.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Anytown, U.S.A. Hello? Is Kramer home? Oh, hey.
Kramer: [sprays his flowers] Hello, neighbor.
Jerry: Boy, those azaleas are really coming in nicely.
Kramer: Oh, you gotta mulch. You've got to.
Jerry: You barbecuing tonight?
Kramer: Right after the fireworks. [knocks wind chimes]

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: [holding a sparkler] Hey, buddy!
Elaine: Hey. Happy New Year!
Kramer: Y'all come back real- [Elaine closes Jerry's front door]

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Did you and Patty just break up?
Jerry: Yeah! In fact, she broke up with me! And I don't want to talk about it!
Elaine: Well, then you're free tonight. You know what, I heard about this great place called La Caridad.
Jerry: [emotional] That's the last thing she said to me. She wanted to go there also, but I wasn't in the mood.
Elaine: Whoa. What is the matter?
Jerry: It's Patty.
Elaine: Jerry, you break up with a girl every week.
Jerry: What- What is this salty discharge?
Elaine: Oh my God. You're crying.
Jerry: This is horrible! I care!

Quote from George

Elaine: So now the other Lippman kissed me.
George: Well, sure. They're Jewish, and you're a shiksa.
Elaine: What?
George: It means a non-Jewish woman.
Elaine: I know what it means, but what does being a shiksa have to do with it?
George: You've got "shiks-appeal". Jewish men love the idea of meeting a woman that's not like their mother.
Elaine: Oh, that's insane.

Quote from Frank Costanza

Frank Costanza: You single-handedly brought Costanza and Son to the brink of bankruptcy.
George: Well, what about all the Lloyd Braun sales?
Frank Costanza: He's crazy. His phone wasn't even hooked up. He just liked ringing that bell.
Estelle Costanza: [enters] I told you to clean out this garage. I have to put my car in!
Frank Costanza: This is a place of business. I told you never to come in here. Serenity now!
Estelle Costanza: All right.
George: Dad, you really should lay off the serenity now stuff.
Frank Costanza: So, what am I supposed to say?
George: 'Hoochie mama'?
Estelle Costanza: [garage door opens] Move your crap, I'm comin' in!
Frank Costanza: No you're not! Hoochie mama! Hoochie mama!


 Episode 902 Episode 904 
  Select another episode