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‘The Puerto Rican Day’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Puerto Rican Day

920. The Puerto Rican Day

Aired May 7, 1998

On their way back from a baseball game, Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer get stuck in traffic.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: You want to get outta here? Here's what we do. We leave the car here, we take the plates off, we scratch the serial number off the engine block, and we walk away.
Jerry: Walk away?
Kramer: You've got insurance. You tell them that the car was stolen, and then you get another one free.
Jerry: Isn't there a deductible?
Kramer: All right, what is your deductible?
Jerry: I don't know.
Kramer: Yes, because they've already deducted it.
Jerry: From what?
Kramer: The car, which we're leaving. So the net is zero. See you pocket the money, if there is any, and you get a new car.

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Quote from Jerry

Mrs. Nyhart: Would you like to see the rest of the apartment, Mister, um--
Jerry: Uh... Varnsen. Kel Varnsen. Actually, this room intrigues me. Why is it called the TV room?
Mrs. Nyhart: Well, it's--
Jerry: [at TV] Balk?! How was that a balk?! You have any snacks?
Mrs. Nyhart: Mr. Varnsen, if you like the apartment, I should tell you I've also had some interest from a wealthy industrialist.
Jerry: Not Pennypacker.
Mrs. Nyhart: You know him?
Jerry: I wish I didn't. Brace yourself, madam, for an all-out bidding war. But this time, advantage Varnsen!

Quote from Kramer

Mrs. Nyhart: Did the broker send you over?
Kramer: Uh, yes, most likely. Yes. I'm, uh, H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. Yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with. [sniffs wall] Mmm. Mombasa, hmm?
Mrs. Nyhart: The asking price is $1.5 million.
Kramer: Oh, I spend that much on after shave. Yes, I buy and sell men like myself every day. Now, I assume that there's a waterfall grotto?
Mrs. Nyhart: No.
Kramer: How about a bathroom?
Mrs. Nyhart: It has 4.
Kramer: Yes, and where would the absolute nearest one be?
Mrs. Nyhart: Just down the hall.
Kramer: Oh, thank you.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Uh, well, uh, here--here is good.
Cab Driver: Oh, yeah, sure, and now I'm gonna be stuck here. But you knew the way to go. You went to college.
Elaine: Hey, I went to Tufts! That was my safety school. So don't talk to me about hardship.

Quote from Kramer

Mrs. Nyhart: Right this way, Mr. Vandelay.
George: Well, this is a lovely apartment. Lovely! My kids are gonna go crazy. I, uh, I wonder if I could see the bathrooms. Preferably one with some paint thinner and, uh, some rags?
Mrs. Nyhart: It's down the hall.
Jerry: Oh, hello...
George: Art.
Jerry: Mr. Vandelay, of course.
Mrs. Nyhart: You two know each other? [Kramer bursts in through the door] Mr. Pennypacker!
Kramer: Uh, yes, uh, I--I wanted to, uh, stop by and make sure that my shark tank fits-- Uh, hello.
Mrs. Nyhart: Mr. Pennypacker, this is Mr. Vandelay, And you know Mr. Varnsen.
Kramer: Varnsen.
Jerry: Pennypacker.
Kramer: Vandelay.
George: Pennypacker. Varnsen.
Jerry: Vandelay. Wait a second. Mr. Pennypacker, if you're here, and Mr. Vandelay is also here, then who's watching the factory?
Kramer: The factory?
Jerry: The Saab factory?
Kramer: Jerry, that's in Sweden.

Quote from George

George: So I saw that new movie about the Hindenburg.
Elaine: Oh, yeah. What's that called?
George: Blimp: The Hindenburg Story.
Jerry: How was it?
George: I found it morose. Why dwell on these negative themes?
Jerry: Yeah. They should make a movie about all the Hindenburg flights that made it.
George: Anyway, right in the middle, the ship blows up-- burning debris, bodies falling-- and then just as this eerie silence settles over the airfield, I yelled out, "That's gotta hurt!"
Jerry: Heh.
George: The place went nuts.
Jerry: Imagine the laugh you could have gotten if you'd yelled that out at the actual disaster.
George: Yeah.

Quote from Elaine

Announcer: [on radio] And the Mets score two in the eighth inning.
Jerry: See? If we had stayed, we could have seen those runs.
George: I could have had some ice cream. I think that might have calmed down the nachos.
Elaine: I'm going to miss 60 Minutes. You know, I hate to miss 60 Minutes. It's part of my Sunday weekend wind-down.
Jerry: I don't know how you can unwind with that clock ticking. It makes me anxious.

Quote from George

Kramer: Wow. He's givin' you a mustache. Where is this guy?
George: Don't look around. Don't look around. That's what he wants.
Elaine: All right. Well, I'll see you. Hey, George, I think there's a sniper looking to pop you.
George: This thing can't hurt me, can it? I mean, it is a laser. What if it hits my eye?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: I can't be blind, Jerry. The blind are courageous.
Kramer: You'll be fine as long as it doesn't hit you right in the pupil. Because then the whole ball will go up like the Death Star.

Quote from Kramer

George: Man, I'm starving.
Elaine: How can you be hungry after what you ate at that Mets game?
George: Because ballpark food doesn't count as real food.
Jerry: Right. It's just an activity. It's like that paddle with the ball and the rubber band.
Kramer: You know, my friend Bob Saccamano made a fortune off of those. See, he came up with the idea for the rubber band. Before that, people would just hit the ball, and it would fly away.

Quote from George

Jerry: I can't believe you all made me leave before the end of the game.
Elaine: Oh, come on, Jerry. It was nine to nothing. We were getting shellacked.
George: Those nachos are killing me.
Elaine: I thought you were hungry.
George: It's complicated.

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