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‘The Mom & Pop Store’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Mom & Pop Store

608. The Mom & Pop Store

Aired November 17, 1994

George is excited to own a car which used to belong to a celebrity. Jerry wonders whether or not he's invited to a party being thrown by dentist Tim Whatley (guest star Bryan Cranston). Kramer supports a small business by taking in Jerry's sneakers to be cleaned.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Jerry, you know that shoe repair place at the end of the block? Well, if they don't get some business, they're gonna have to shut down and make way for one of those gourmet coffee or cookie stores.
Elaine: I like coffee.
George: I like [imitates Kramer] "cookies."
Kramer: Yeah, of course you do. And do you know why? Because you're a bunch of yuppies. It's your go-go corporate takeover lifestyles that are driving out these Mom and Pop stores and destroying the fabric of this neighborhood.
George: Well, what's so great about a Mom and Pop store? Let me tell you something. If my Mom and Pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.
Kramer: Hey, Bogambo. They've been in the neighborhood for 48 years.

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Quote from George

Jerry: I thought Consumer said Volvo was the car.
George: What Consumer? I'm the consumer.
Jerry: All right. Seems like a strange choice.
George: Well, maybe so. But it was good enough for Mr. Jon Voight.
Elaine: Jon Voight? The actor?
George: That's right. He just happened to be the previous owner of the vehicle.
Jerry: You bought a car because it belonged to Jon Voight?
George: No, no...
Jerry: I think yes, yes. You like the idea of telling people you're driving Jon Voight's car.
George: All right, maybe I do. So what.
Elaine: I've never even seen him in a car. I mean, look at his movies. No cars. Deliverance, canoe. Midnight Cowboy, boots. Runaway Train, runaway train.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Hey, so where's my sneakers?
Kramer: That's what I wanna know.
Jerry: What do you mean?
Kramer: Well, I saw Mom and Pop this morning, but when I went by the store on my way home? The place was empty. Everything is gone. Mom and Pop... vanished.
Jerry: So all my sneakers are gone?
Kramer: I'm afraid so. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've been asking around. They didn't even have any kids.
Jerry: Mom and Pop aren't even a Mom and Pop?!
Kramer: It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored, big time.
Elaine: So. Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years. And then, run off with Jerry's sneakers.
Kramer: Apparently.

Quote from George

Mr. Morgan: So George, what kind of promotional events are we talking about?
George: Well, I think we need more special days at the stadium, you know? Like, uh, Joe Pepitone Day. Or, uh, Jon Voight Day.
Mr. Morgan: Jon Voight? The actor? Uh, I make a motion that we have no more of these meetings that have been initiated by George Costanza.
George: I suppose if I had suggested Liam Neeson Day, you'd all be patting me on the back.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Car names are so stupid, aren't they? Like, no baron has ever owned a LeBaron. Or the Ford LTD. "LTD." Limited. It's a "limited" edition. What did they make, fifty million of those? "Yes, it's 'limited' to the number we can sell." Or when they try and mangle a positive word into a car name, you know how they'll do that? The "Integra." Oh, integrity? No, Integra. The "Supra." Or the "Impreza." Yeah? Well, I hope it's not a "lemona"... or you'll be hearing from my "lawya."

Quote from Kramer

Pop: Kramer, without you, we'd be out of business.
Kramer: Well you know, these sneakers, they belong to my neighbor, Jerry Seinfeld? The comedian.
Mom: So many sneakers!
Kramer: Well, he's got a Peter Pan complex.
Pop: They'll be ready a week from Thursday.
Kramer: Oh, well, no rush.

Quote from George

George: You are gonna love this car. Even if you don't like Jon Voight.
Jerry: I like Jon Voight. Just seems like kind of a strange reason to buy a car, because he might have driven it.
George: What do you mean "might"? You don't think he really owned this car?
Jerry: I don't know.
George: Well, why would the guy make up something like that? Of all the names he could pick, why settle on Jon Voight?
Jerry: Don't you see, that's the genius of it. If he had said Liam Neeson, you'd know he's making it up.
George: Neeson? How are you comparing Liam Neeson with Jon Voight? Jerry, we're talking about Joe Buck. If you can play Joe Buck, Oskar Schindler's a cake walk.
Jerry: Oh, look at this, I stepped in gum.
George: Whoa, whoa, you're not getting in my car with gummy shoes.
Jerry: All right, I'll change my shoes.
George: Liam Neeson. You know, he's not American.

Quote from George

George: [sings] Everybody's talkin' at me...I can't hear a word they're sayin'...just drivin' around in Jon Voight's car...

Quote from Jerry

George: Get out of the car!
Jerry: What?
George: That's right, you heard me. Get out. You are ruining this whole experience for me.
Jerry: Oh, look. There's Gregory Peck's bicycle.
George: Get out.
Jerry: And Barbara Mandrell's skateboard.
George: Get out!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: You don't wanna go with me?
George: Jerry, for all I know, this guy went out of his way to not invite you. How am I gonna feel if I show up with an uninvited, unwelcome intruder?
Jerry: The way I feel when I go places with you?

Quote from Kramer

George: These are the balloons? Big deal. All I see is Woody Woodpecker.
Kramer: You got a problem with Woody Woodpecker?
George: Yeah. What is he, some sort of an instigator?
Kramer: That's right. He's a troublemaker.

Quote from Jerry

Tim Whatley: Jerry.
Jerry: Hey, Tim.
Tim Whatley: Jerry. I didn't think you'd show.
Jerry: Did you say, "Jerry, I didn't think you'd show"... or "Jerry, I didn't think you'd show."

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: The marching band is a perfect example of taking something bad and making it difficult too. I mean, why does the band have to march? We're not moving. Maybe if they hold still, we could all leave. Is that why they do it? People try and get away. "No, you don't. I'm right with you. Right with you, buddy." The human urge to wave at total strangers just moving by... is very strong, isn't it? Parades and ocean liners and those little trains that go through amusement parks. It's always that bittersweet, kind of hello-goodbye combination wave, isn't it? Just, I've never seen these people before in my life... and they're leaving.


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