George: The tenant association made me give it to this guy because he was an Andrea Doria survivor.
Elaine: Andrea Doria? Isn't that the one they did the song about?
Jerry: Edmund Fitzgerald.
Elaine: I love Edmund Fitzgerald's voice.
Jerry: No, Gordon Lightfoot was the singer. Edmund Fitzgerald was the ship.
George: You could fit 15 people in that bathroom..
Elaine: I think Gordon Lightfoot was the boat.
Jerry: Yeah, and it was rammed by the Cat Stevens.

George: I was handcuffed to the bed in my underwear, where I remained... [cut] She certainly seemed interested in me. Though she was attractive, she was also, in fact, a Nazi... [cut] The water that I had been swimming in was very cold. And, when I dropped the towel, there had been significant shrinkage... [cut] Her parents were looking at me. So, there I was, with a marble rye hanging from the end of a fishing pole... [cut] In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man. Thank you. [gets up] Oh, also, my fiance died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out. [The board members sob and cry] Thanks again. [walks out]

Kramer: [coughs repeatedly]
Jerry: What is with that?!
Kramer: Well, it's coughing, Jerry. It expells the diseased germs out of the body into the air.

Kramer: No expiration date on this. [opens it and starts coughing on the food]
Jerry: There is now. Kramer, you should really get that cough checked out by a doctor.
Kramer: Nah, nah, nah. No doctors for me. A bunch of lackeys and yes-men all towing the company line. Plus, they botched my vasectomy.
Jerry: They botched it?
Kramer: I'm even more potent now!

George: So, uh, Mom, Dad, I was hoping that you could help me to remember my childhood a little clearly..
Estelle Costanza: I feel a draft. [grabs the bread basket and her drink] Let's change tables.
Frank Costanza: Get outta here! We have a booth.
Estelle Costanza: Frank, I'm cold!
Frank Costanza: Order a hot dish.
Estelle Costanza: Why can't we sit over there?
Frank Costanza: That's not a booth!
Estelle Costanza: So, who says we have to sit in a booth?!
Frank Costanza: I didn't take the subway all the way to New York to sit at a table like that!
Estelle Costanza: Well, I didn't take the subway to be in a drafty restaurant!
George: Mom, Dad.
Frank Costanza: Now, George, what do you want to know about your childhood?
George: Actually, I think I'm pretty clear on it.
Frank Costanza: Where's that breeze coming from?

Jerry: You ate more bread?
Elaine: That is not the point. The guy was stabbed.
Jerry: Did you find out who stabbed him?
Elaine: Yeah, it turns out it was his ex-girlfriend.
Jerry: Well, you're not going near this hooligan anymore.
Elaine: Well, I don't know. I mean, think about it, Jerry. There must be something exciting about this guy if he can arouse that kind of passion. I mean, to be stab-worthy, you know? It's kind of a compliment.
Jerry: Yeah, too bad he didn't get shot. He could have been the one.

Kramer: [between coughs] Hey.
George: What's with the dog?
Kramer: Yeah, this is Smuckers. I borrowed him. [Smuckers coughs] Yeah, we share the same affliction, so I'm gonna have a vet check us out.
George: A vet?
Kramer: Oh, I'll take a vet over an MD any day. They gotta be able to cure a lizard, a chicken, a pig, a frog all on the same day.
George: So, if I may jump ahead, you're gonna take dog medicine?
Kramer: You bet we are! Huh, Smuckers? [Smuckers coughs]

Mrs. Ricardi: Uh, George, unfortunately, Clarence Eldridge in 8C has decided that he wants the apartment.
George: Yeah, but you- You promised it to me.
Mrs. Ricardi: Yes, but, you see, Mr. Eldridge is an Andrea Doria survivor. And, in light of the terrible suffering that he's already been through, we've decided to give it to him.
George: Well... The Andrea Doria. That was quite a fire.
Mrs. Ricardi: Shipwreck.
George: I remember it. [leaves]

Jerry: Newman?
Newman: I guess.
Jerry: Listen, I want you to get the mail out of my storage unit.
Newman: Sometimes we don't get what we want.
Jerry: What are you talking about?
Newman: I didn't get my transfer.
Jerry: Transfer?
Newman: To Hawaii. The most sought-after postal route of them all. The air is so dewy-sweet you don't even have to like the stamps.. But it's not to be. So, I'm hanging it up.
Jerry: You quit the post office?
Newman: Kind of. I'm still collecting checks, I'm just not delivering mail.
Jerry: Well, get it out of my storage. It's illegal.
Newman: And yet, it's perfectly legal to take a man's soul and crush it out like a stale Pall Mall.
Jerry: Well, the law's a law.

George: Ahoy! Mr. Eldridge. I understand you were on the Andrea Doria.
Eldridge: Yes, it was a terrifying ordeal.
George: I tell you, I hear people really stuff themselves on those cruise ships. [laughs] The buffet, that's the real ordeal, huh, Clarence? (Laughs)
Eldridge: We had to abandon ship.
George: Well, all vacations have to end eventually.
Eldridge: The boat sank.
George: According to this, it took 10 hours. It eased into the water like an old man into a nice warm bath. No offence. So, uh, Clarence, how about abandoning this apartment, and letting me shove off in this beauty?
Eldridge: Is that what this is all about?! I don't think I like you. [enters his apartment and closes the door]
George: It's my apartment, Eldridge! The Stockholm may not have sunk you but I will!