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‘The Pothole’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Seinfeld: The Pothole

816. The Pothole

Aired February 20, 1997

Jerry accidentally drops his girlfriend's toothbrush in the toilet. Kramer adopts a section of highway. Elaine pretends to live in a building across the street to get food delivered. George obsesses about a set of keys he lost in a pot hole.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: What's this?
Kramer: Well, you know those annoying little bumps on the lane-lines? [makes bumping noises]
Jerry: Isn't that some kind of safety thing?
Kramer: Well, I had to pull them up if I'm gonna widen the lanes.
Jerry: What the hell are you talking about?
Kramer: Ah, you know how in planes they got first class? More legroom, better ride. Well, I'm bringing that concept to mile 114.
Elaine: How are you gonna widen the lanes?
Kramer: Well, you black out lane-lines one and three, and a four-lane highway becomes a two-lane comfort cruise. [to Jerry] So, you got any black paint?
Jerry: Yeah, in my tool shed, next to the riding mower.

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Quote from Kramer

Kramer: [smoking a cigar] Well, I'm a poppa.
Jerry: Bring it on. Nothing's throwing me at this point.
Kramer: [hands Jerry a cigar] Well, as of today I am a proud parent of a one-mile stretch of the Arthur Berkhardt Expressway.
Jerry: Oh, that adopt-a-highway thing.
Kramer: Yeah, I'm part of the solution now, Jerry. Yeah, I went down there and I checked it out this morning. Here, take a look. Mile 114.
Jerry: Aw, looks just like you.
Kramer: Aw, I'm beaming Jerry.
Jerry: So what do you have to do? Pay to keep it clean?
Kramer: They try to push you into using their cleaning crew, with all their so-called maintenance equipment.
Jerry: That old scam.
Kramer: Yeah, well, that's why I'm doing it all myself. This parenting isn't about delegating responsibility, it's about being there.
Jerry: At the side of the road with a pile of garbage.
Kramer: Quality time.

Quote from George

George: So?
Jerry: So? She used the toothbrush!
George: You said you grabbed it out of there real fast, right?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: So I'm sure whatever germs it landed on were knocked out, and by the time the rest of them realized what was going on, you had already grabbed it out.
Jerry: How many years of med school did you have?

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Hey. Look at this. I'm in the passing lane of the Arthur Berkhardt expressway, going seventy and... Dragged this thing for five exits.
Jerry: Why didn't you pull over?
Kramer: Well I was drafting behind a semi. I didn't wanna lose him. The infrastructure, Jerry, it's crumbling.
Key ring: Holy cow!
Kramer: Well, look at that. A talking Nixon.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: It's a hundred thousand revolutions a second. It's the most powerful one they make.
Jenna: It's like I'm holding a blender.
Jerry: The engine's made by McDonnell-Douglas. [as she stops brushing] Oh no, you keep going. It shuts off automatically.
Jenna: Really, it does?
Jerry: [to himself] When the battery runs out.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: You still couldn't kiss her?
Jerry: She has a taint. I can't see it, but I know it's there.
Elaine: Oh, so now you're finding fault on a sub-atomic level.
Jerry: Maybe if I could shrink myself down, like in Fantastic Voyage, and get inside a microscopic submarine, I could be sure. Although if there was something there, it might be pretty scary. Course, I would have that laser.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: What's with the signs?
Kramer: Hey, you should see the Berkhardt, Jerry. My mile is spotless. I mean the big stuff was easy. Cinderblocks, air-conditioners, shopping carts, I just rolled them into the woods.
Jerry: Yeah, that stuff's all natural anyway.
Kramer: [holds sign] Speed limit, 165 miles per hour. See? They slipped a one in there. [laughing] Those kids with the spray paint, God love 'em.

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: 1Q? Whose apartment is that?
Elaine: That's the janitor closet across the street.
Jerry: You're pretending to live in a janitor's closet, just to get this flounder?
Elaine: It's better than eating it alone in the restaurant like some loser.

Quote from Jerry

George: Was she mad? [off Jerry's face] You didn't tell her.
Jerry: Jenna's like me. She's very...
George: Finicky? Prissy? Fastidious?
Jerry: I'll take fastidious.

Quote from George

Jerry: What is that?
George: Ah, Steinbrenner gave 'em to us, in honour of Phil Rizzuto being inducted into the Hall of Fame.
Key ring: Holy cow!
Jerry: They don't actually have to squeeze his head to get him to say "Holy cow", do they?
George: Just the last few innings of a double-header.

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