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‘The Nap’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Nap

818. The Nap

Aired April 10, 1997

George starts sleeping under his desk at work. Jerry has an indecisive contractor working on his kitchen. Kramer starts swimming in the East River. Meanwhile, Elaine dates a guy who is very concerned with back ergonomics.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: You're swimming in the East River? The most heavily-trafficked, overly-contaminated waterway on the eastern seaboard?
Kramer: Technically, Norfolk has more gross tonnage.
Jerry: How could you swim in that water?
Kramer: I saw a couple of other guys out there.
Jerry: Swimming?
Kramer: Well, floating. They weren't moving much. But they were out there.

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Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

Mr. Steinbrenner: Costanza? Where's Costanza? Excuse mois? Have you seen Costanza?
Secretary: I've seen him around.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Um. He was humming this song yesterday. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I've got to know the name of that. "She's a heartbreaker A love-taker Brubaker run this prison like a man Ooh Ooh" Something like that. Very catchy tune. Very, very catchy. Well, you know what? I'm gonna sit here and wait for that guy. What is this, People? "The Most Beautiful People" People. Connie Sellecca. Nothing wrong that, huh?

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: [enters Jerry's renovated kitchen] Oh man, I'm on the wrong floor again.
Elaine: Hey, thanks for ruining my mattress. It reeks.
Kramer: Hey, you know what I think it is? I think it's that East River. I think it might be polluted.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: I got pool problems Jerry.
Jerry: What happened?
Kramer: Well, I had been swimming for three hours and I was in a real groove so I decided to keep going. But at ten, they start the aquacise. 35 geriatrics throwing elbows. It was like I was swimming through a flabby-armed spanking machine.
Jerry: Well, how long did that last?
Kramer: A half hour then diving class started. Well, that got a little messy. I gotta find a new place to swim, 'cause that pool can't hold me, Jerry.

Quote from Jerry

George: You know that manslaughter is the least serious murder charge?
Jerry: You don't say.
George: Manslaughter. Literally, the slaughter of a man. Sounds brutal, doesn't it?
Jerry: Heinous.
George: Yet it's the most socially acceptable form of murder.
Jerry: So you think we should change the name?
George: Yes, I do. How about, "inadvertent life-ending"? "Unintentional snuff-out."
Jerry: How about "I can't believe it's not murder"?

Quote from Elaine

Jerry: So what are you doing now?
Elaine: I'm going to take a little stroll through the park.
Jerry: With a gentleman caller?
Elaine: Yes, his name is Hal.
Jerry: The walking date is a good date. You don't have to look right at the other person.
Elaine: Hey, it's the next best thing to being alone.

Quote from Kramer

Elaine: Hey, Kramer, listen, you've seen The Omen, right?
Elaine: What exactly was that kid?
Kramer: Oh, Damien? Nothing, just a mischievous, rambunctious kid.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: So what are you going to do with the mattress?
Elaine: I don't know. Chuck it?
Kramer: Oh, no, no, no, no, I'll take it. Why don't you come over? Let's see if it will fit in my bedroom.
Elaine: Oh, all right.
Kramer: My old one sprung a leak.
Elaine: You have a water bed?
Kramer: Sand. It's like sleeping on the beach.

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

Mr. Steinbrenner: Where the hell is this guy? I've been waiting here for three and a half hours for crying out loud. Should I go? No way, Jack! I'm not going humming it to the guy at the record store again, I'll tell you that.
Secretary: Mr. Steinbrenner?
Mr. Steinbrenner: That's what they call me.
Secretary: Your grandchildren are here to see you.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, well, send them in. Send the little tykes in. Hey, you little kids. Who are you people? Come here. Come here. How about a ride on the Stein-pony express? Get up here. What's your name, Shorty? Mel? Are you Mel?

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

Mr. Steinbrenner: George, can you imagine what went through my mind when I saw there wasn't going to be enough room under that desk for me and my babies.
George: I'm sorry, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: You know what I think? I think you knew about that bomb ahead of time.
George: What?
Mr. Steinbrenner: You had a premonition about the bomb. You climbed under that desk because you have ESP. Quick, George, put a thought in my mind. Mmm. Meatballs! Huh? Unbelievable. You're a wonder, George. Anyway, this terrorist had a specific demand. No more cheap adjustable hats for Hat Day. He wants fitted hats just like the players wear.

Quote from George

George: Fitted Hat Day? That's what you asked Steinbrenner for?
Jerry: You mean they're actually doing the fitted hats? Cool.
George: Guess who he put in charge of Fitted Hat Day? Me.
Jerry: Hey, look at you.
George: Yeah, look at me. Now, I gotta figure out the different head sizes of 59,000 different people! What if a pinhead shows up? I gotta be on top of that.

Quote from Elaine

Hal: What is that smell?
Elaine: What smell?
Hal: I think it's the mattress. Did something happen to it?
Elaine: No, no. Oh, you know what that is? I went clamming the other day and I forgot to hose off my boots.
Hal: Clamming?
Elaine: Yeah, I clam and scallop. I clam and scallop.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: I liked that stuffed-crust pizza, cheese-in-crust pizza.
Hal: It's just more cheese.
Elaine: Hey, let me tell you something. It'll be years before they find another place to hide cheese on a pizza.

Quote from Kramer

Hal: You and Elaine are pretty close.
Kramer: Oh, we go back a ways.
Hal: And you've.... How do I put this? You've been in her bed.
Kramer: That's right.
Hal: But this isn't still going on?
Kramer: No, no, no, she put a stop to that.
Hal: That's all I needed to know. So you actually swim in this thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah. Exercises every muscle in the body. It's great for the back.
Hal: Great for the back. Right.
Kramer: Four hours in this chop, and I'm a full inch taller. Giddyup.

Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner

George: Sir, I'm sure it's not a bomb.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, yeah? Don't be so brave, George. You mess with them. They're messing with you. All right, boys, send it in. [the bomb disposal robot enters George's office and heads towards a Godzilla toy] Wait. What's that thing straight ahead? Is that's anything? Is that Mothra? Okay, let's check the desk. That's where I heard the ticking. We're gonna search each of those drawers, starting with the top one. Oh. It's just empty calories and male curiosity, hey, Georgie?
Bomb Squad Cop: Looks like there's more compartments underneath.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Compartments underneath? Probably where it is. Okay, boys, let it rip. [a saw cuts through George's desk] I'll tell you what, George, starting tomorrow, no more desks. Just a Lucite table and four legs.

Quote from Kramer

Man: [to his son] And over there, that's Brooklyn . That's where Spike Lee lives.
[The boy sees Kramer in the water through the periscope]
Boy: Hey, there's a man swimming in the water.
Man: No, that's probably just a dead body, son. You see, when the mob kills someone they through the body in the river.


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