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‘The Voice’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Voice

902. The Voice

Aired October 2, 1997

George is no longer welcome at Play Now after they discovered he's not really handicapped. Kramer hires an intern. Jerry makes up a funny voice based on his girlfriend's stomach. Meanwhile, Elaine keeps getting back together with David Puddy.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Dean Jones, you wanting to talk to me?
Dean Jones: I've been reviewing Darin's internship journal. Doing laundry?
Kramer: Yeah.
Dean Jones: Mending chicken wire? High tea with a Mr. Newman?
Kramer: I know it sounds pretty glamorous, but it's business as usual at Kramerica.
Dean Jones: As far as I can tell, your entire enterprise is more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.
Kramer: And with Darin's help, we'll get that chicken.
Dean Jones: I'm sorry, but we can't allow Darin to continue working with you.
Kramer: Well, I have to say this seems capricious and arbitrary.
Dean Jones: Your fly is open.

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Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Look at this, they are redoing the Cloud Club.
Jerry: Oh, that restaurant on top of the Chrysler building? Yeah, that's a good idea.
Kramer: Of course it's a good idea, it's my idea. I conceived this whole project two years ago.
Jerry: Which part? The renovating the restaurant you don't own part or spending the two hundred million you don't have part?
Kramer: You see, I come up with these things, I know they're gold, but nothing happens. You know why?
Jerry: No resources, no skill, no talent, no ability, no brains...?
Kramer: No. No time! It's all these menial tasks. Laundry, grocery, shopping, coming in here talking to you. Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment?
Jerry: I can ball park it.

Quote from George

Jerry: [on the phone] What's going on?
George: Siege mentality, Jerry. They really want me out of here. They've downgraded me to some sort of a bunker. I'm like Hitler's last days here.
Jerry: So, are you going to leave?
George: Oh, no. I'm invigorated. They'll never get me out. I'm like a weed, Jerry.
Jerry: I thought you're like Hitler in the bunker?
George: I'm a weed in Hitler's bunker.
Jerry: I'm getting a little uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff.

Quote from George

George: Well, Play Now is through playing. They turned the heat way up in my office. They tried to sweat me out.
Jerry: [to Darin] Do you have to write all this stuff down?
Darin: Well, Mr. Kramer is in a meeting with Mr. Lomez, but he didn't want to miss anything.
Jerry: [to George] So, how hot did it get?
George: I don't know, 120, 130…Then they sent some guys to sandblast for 6 hours. Tomorrow, they are putting in asbestos.
Jerry: I guess you can take anything, but actual work.
George: Bring it on!

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Well, that's it. You two are back together.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: The bump into. The bump into always leads to the backslide.
Elaine: David and I will not be getting back together.
Jerry: Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
George: That's beautiful.

Quote from George

Thomassoulo: George, you're not really handicapped, are you?
George: I've had my difficulties.
Thomassoulo: I saw you running down Amsterdam Avenue lifting that 200 pound motorized cart with one hand.
George: Mr. Thomassoulo, during times of great stress, people are capable of super human strength. Have you ever seen the Incredible Hulk, sir?
Thomassoulo: No
George: How about the old Spider Man live action show?
Thomassoulo: George, I've realized we've signed a one-year contract with you, but at this point I think it's best that we both go our separate ways.
George: I don't understand.
Thomassoulo: We don't like you. We want you to leave.
George: Clearer.

Quote from George

Jerry: So you're staying at Play Now?
George: Why not? Pay is good, I got dental, private access to one of the great handicapped toilets in the city.
Jerry: But they not you aren't handicapped. Aren't you ashamed?
George: They're the ones who should be ashamed. They signed me to a one-year contract. As long as I show up for work every day, they have to pay me.

Quote from Jerry

Clare: So I'll call you tonight?
Jerry: Yeah.
Clare: What's wrong with the belt?
Jerry: I went to the movies last night, I went to the bathroom and I unbuckled a little wobbly and the buckle kind of banged against the side of the urinal. So… [throws away belt] that's it!
Clare: So, you're insane?
Jerry: Oh yes, quite.
Kramer: [enters] Hello.
Jerry: Of course, it's a sliding scale.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Man, 2.9 percent financing on a Toyota one-ton. That was my idea too!

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Who's he?
Kramer: My intern from NYU. Well, you remember my corporation, Kramerica Industries?
Jerry: All right.
Kramer: Well, apparently NYU is very enthusiastic about their students getting some real-world corporate experience.
Jerry: But you only provide fantasy-world corporate experience.
Kramer: Well, this will really free up my time so I can focus on more important things, like my bladder system.
Jerry: All right, it's time to go.
Kramer: No, Jerry, it's not for people. It's for oil tankers.
Jerry: I know!
Kramer: You see, the idea is for a rubber ball inside the tanker so if it crashes, the oil won't spill out.
Jerry: Actually, that is not a bad idea. Now, it's time to go.

Quote from George

Thomassoulo: You win, George. We've had it. If you leave right now and Play Now will give you six months' pay. That's half of your entire contract. Please, just- Just go.
George: You see, if I stay the whole year, I get it all.
Thomassoulo: Want to play hardball, huh? Fine. [over intercom] Attention, Play Now employees, George Costanza's handicapped bathroom is now open on the sixteenth floor to all employees and their families.
George: Well played.
Thomassoulo: I'll see you in hell, Costanza.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: Jerry, did you bring the video camera?
Jerry: Yeah, I put a six hour tape in. That should cover the experiment, the arrest, and most of your trial. All right, I'll see you.


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