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‘The Slicer’ Quotes

Seinfeld: The Slicer

907. The Slicer

Aired November 13, 1997

When George starts a great new job, he realizes he had a run in with the boss a decade earlier. Jerry questions the life-saving credentials of dermatologist Sara (guest star Marcia Cross). Meanwhile, Kramer starts slicing meats and lends his slicer to Elaine.

Quote from George

George: ...and then when I saw the photo I remembered where I'd seen him. The boom box incident.
Jerry: The boom box incident?
George: Summer of '89, I'm at the beach. This family sets up next to me. I go in to the surf. When I come from out, my clothes, my towel, my umbrella, they're all gone. I am furious, I start screaming to these kids demanding my stuff back and finally I lose it; I grab their boom box and I chuck it in to the ocean.
Jerry: Seems reasonable.
George: Then I see my clothes floating out there. The tide took them out, not the kids.
Jerry: Even more reasonable.
George: So now, the father is screaming at me, he's demanding that I pay for the boom box. Finally, I gave them a fake address and got the hell out of there.
Jerry: And that guy is your new boss?
George: Until that stupid photo jogs his memory.

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Quote from George

Clerk: Here you go, airbrushed in to sand and sky.
George: What did you do here? You took out the wrong guy.
Clerk: I thought you said you wanted to be out?
George: Well, I'm still here. You took out the other guy!
Clerk: You've really lost a lot of hair.
George: I am aware!

Quote from George

George: What about the Coast Guard? Seems like a lot of pride there. A lot of tradition.
Jerry: True. You mean for you?
George: I think.
Jerry: What about your sea sickness?
George: Maybe I could be a land guy.
Jerry: I don't know if they have land guys.
George: Someone's got to unhook the boat before it leaves... the place!

Quote from George

Kruger: George, come in. I'm just going over our annual report. Boy, did we take it on the chin last year.
George: Listen, Mr. Kruger, I got a message from Dr. Van Nostrand and he says it might be wise to you to see another doctor about that mole.
Kruger: I'm not too worried about it.
George: Well, he said it could be cancerous. Maybe you should get it checked out.
Kruger: George, take a look at this photo. This was taken 10 years ago. That mole looks exactly as it does today. So, there's no cause for concern, huh?
George: Whatever.
Kruger: Actually, funny thing about this photo. We were at the beach and there was this dumb looking guy near by. When he went in for a swim, my sons and I took all his stuff and threw it in the ocean! What a pear-shaped loser.
George: Well, that pear-shaped loser was me! And I was in that photo, until I broke in here, stole the photograph and airbrushed myself out of it.
Kruger: Well, I'll be. You have lost a lot of hair.
George: That's what they tell me!

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Yeah, how's the doctor date?
Jerry: Eh, died on the table. She spent hour and a half making me feel if I don't save lives, I'm worthless.
Elaine: Well, you know, she's very focused. Dermatology is her life.
Jerry: Dermatology?
Elaine: Yes, she's a dermatologist.
Jerry: Saving lives? The whole profession is, "Eh, just put some aloe on it".

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Doc, huh?
George: Oh, Kramer, this is perfect. I need you to go in there, pretend you're a doctor and check this guy for moles.
Kramer: Moles. Yes. Freckle's ugly cousin.
George: And get a picture of him, with his shirt off.
Kramer: You really are cooking up a scheme here, aren't you?

Quote from George

George: When are you going on your next date with her?
Jerry: Oh, what's the point?
George: What, you're gonna pass up a wonderful opportunity to put that aloe pusher in her place?
Jerry: Revenge date? That sound like you more than me.
George: This good be so sweet, Jerry. Saving lives? She's one step away working at the Clinique counter!
Jerry: Dermatologist? Skin doesn't need a doctor!
George: Of course not! Wash it, dry it, move on!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: I think we are looking half a millimetre.
Elaine: Can it cut that thin?
Kramer: Oh, I've cut slices so thin, I couldn't even see them.
Elaine: How did you know you cut it?
Kramer: Well, I guess I just assumed.

Quote from George

Kruger: Your background is impressive, George, but how does it apply to what we do here at Kruger Industrial Smoothing?
George: Well, at the Yankees it was all about smoothing things over, you know, chiseling away, grinding down. In fact, we used to call it 'the grind'.
Kruger: It says here that you worked at Play Now for four days?
George: That should be 14, let me just... [corrects it with pen]
Kruger: George, I'll be honest. I could go either way on you. But what the hell, we need someone, huh.
George: You won't regret this, sir.
Kruger: I don't care. Let's find you an office.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Kruger? That's not Kruger Industrial Smoothing, is it?
George: Yeah.
Kramer: Grinders, sanders, wet stones. They are the ones who botched the Statue of Liberty job.
Jerry: Right, they couldn't get the green stuff off.
George: It is a horrible company. There's no management what so ever. I could go hog wild in there.
Kramer: You now what you do? You sneak that photo out of there for couple of days and get it air brushed.
George: Like retouched?
Kramer: You remember that photo of me and Gerald Ford? And I took it in, got that Ford right out of there.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Well, our meat problems are solved.
Jerry: Where did you get this thing?
Kramer: I traded it for my sausage press. I mean, look how thin that is, see that's all surface area. The taste has nowhere to hide.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: This slicer is indomitable.
Jerry: Where did you get that butcher's coat?
Kramer: You buy enough meat, they'll give you anything.

Quote from Jerry

Sara: Restaurant, flowers... this is so nice.
Jerry: Well, I'm a classy guy. How's the life saving business?
Sara: It's fine.
Jerry: It must take a really really big zit to kill a man!
Sara: What is with you?
Jerry: You call yourself a lifesaver. I call you Pimple Popper, M.D.!
Parry: [approaches table] Dr. Sitarides?
Sara: Mr. Parry, how are you?
Parry: I just wanted to thank you again for saving my life.
Jerry: She saved your life?
Parry: I had skin cancer.
Jerry: Skin cancer. Damn.

Quote from George

Clerk: Here you Mr. Costanza.
George: What is this? This is a drawing.
Clerk: Looks real, doesn't it?
George: This is a cartoon!
Clerk: Hey, I had to draw that guy from memory. Considering, I think that's damn good.
George: But it's not a photograph, I need a photograph!
Clerk: Then you better get a camera.

Quote from George

Jerry: He looks like a Peanuts character.
George: I know. The only way to fix it now, is to get a whole new photo of Kruger.
Jerry: You can do that.
George: Without his shirt on.
Jerry: You can't do that. Well, maybe Kruger wasn't the place for you.
George: It seemed so disorganized.
Jerry: I understand.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Of course she treats skin cancer. That's how I met her. She was doing a skin cancer screening at Peterman. This what dermatologists do.
Jerry: Sadly, that knowledge could have helped me.

Quote from Kramer

George: Kramer, I really owe you one.
Kramer: George, we got a problem.
George: What?
Kramer: Well, he's got a mole on his shoulder. Very suspicious.
George: So, tell him you're concerned about it and he should see someone else.
Kramer: George, why would I, a Julliard-trained dermatologist, send him to another doctor?
George: Because, you're not a dermatologist.
Kramer: No, but he thinks I am. I'm not gonna betray that trust. Here's what I wanna do;.I think I can get a section...
George: Whoa, whoa, a section?!
Kramer: Yeah, if I could crab my slicer and he holds still...
George: No, you're not taking a deli slicer to my boss.
Kramer: It'll be ultra-thin. He'll barely feel it.
George: No! Absolutely not!
Kramer: Well, it's my medical opinion, that you're making a big mistake. And it's going in my chart.

Quote from George

Jerry: I can't believe Kruger didn't fire you after all you did.
George: He said he didn't care. Oh, God I love that place.


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