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‘The Label Maker’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Seinfeld: The Label Maker

612. The Label Maker

Aired January 19, 1995

After Jerry gives Superbowl tickets to Tim Whatley (Bryan Cranston), the dentist "regifts" a label maker that Elaine gave him. Meanwhile, George dates a woman who is living with a man just like him, and Kramer and Newman play a game of Risk.

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Love the Label Baby, baby. You know, those things make great gifts. I just got one of those for Tim Whatley for Christmas.
Jerry: Tim Whatley?
Elaine: Yeah. Who sent you that one?
Jerry: One Tim Whatley!
Elaine: No, my Tim Whatley?
Jerry: The same. He sent it as a thank you for my Super Bowl tickets.
Elaine: I think this is the same one I gave him. He recycled this gift. He's a regifter!

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Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Loyalty to any one sports team is pretty hard to justify. Because the players are always changing, the team can move to another city. You're actually rooting for the clothes when you get right down to it. You know what I mean, you are standing and cheering and yelling for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city. Fans will be so in love with a player but if he goes to another team, they boo him. This is the same human being in a different shirt, they hate him now. Boo! Different shirt! Boo.

Quote from George

Jerry: Come on, take them. You could take Bonnie.
George: You paying my hotel and airfare to Miami?
Jerry: What do you think?
George: So in order to use these, I gotta spend, like, fifteen-hundred bucks. This is a bill for fifteen-hundred dollars. Plus, she'd ask about the sleeping arrangements. I find the sleeping arrangement conversation is depressing.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Or maybe he liked your gift so much, he decided to get me the same thing. Perhaps it's an homage.
Elaine: Yeah, perhaps.
Jerry: Well, how did he react when you gave it to him?
Elaine: Um, he said, "Oh, a label maker. How about that?"
Jerry: He repeated the name of the gift?
Elaine: Yeah, so?
Jerry: Oh, well, if you repeat the name of the gift, you can't possibly like it.
Elaine: What do you mean?
Jerry: Oh, you know, like when someone opens something up and they go, "Oh. Tube socks."

Quote from George

George: The wedding is off. Now you can go to the Super Bowl.
Jerry: I can't call Tim Whatley and ask for the tickets back.
George: You just gave them to him two days ago. He's gotta give you a grace period.
Jerry: Are you even vaguely familiar with the concept of giving? There's no grace period.
George: Well, didn't he regift the label maker?
Jerry: Possibly.
George: Well, if he can regift, why can't you degift?
Jerry: You may have a point.
George: I have a point. I have a point.

Quote from Newman

Newman: Oh, by the way, what are you doing for the Super Bowl?
Jerry: I dunno, watch it on TV I guess. Why?
Newman: Well, if you watch closely enough, you just might see me. I'll be the one waving to the camera from my seat on the forty yard line.
Jerry: You're going to the Super Bowl?
Newman: Yes, I am. A guy on my mail route just got a couple of tickets and he offered one to me.
Jerry: What's his name?
Newman: Tim Whatley.
Jerry: That's my ticket!
Newman: Is it?! Oh, well if only you'd known, you could have saved some time and given it directly to me! [laughs; exits]
Jerry: Newman!

Quote from George

Jerry: Wow, she rearranged her whole life for you.
George: Yeah, I guess she did. He's gone. Now I'm the man.
Jerry: That's not a good role for you.
George: No, it's not.
Jerry: You unwittingly made a major commitment. That's a lot of pressure.
George: Oh, my God.
Jerry: You wanted to be ensconced in velvet, you're buried.
George: I had the perfect situation here. He was shouldering half the load.
Jerry: He was shouldering.
George: I couldn't leave well enough alone.

Quote from Newman

Newman: Great streak of luck I'm having. First, Kramer almost beat me at Risk, but I narrowly escaped, and then Tim Whatley gives me his Super Bowl ticket.
Jerry: Can you move over at all?!
Newman: And then- Then, just as I'm about to go, these boxes show up at the post office with no labels. No labels, Jerry. You know what that means? Freebies! I got this great mini-TV and a VCR, oh it's unbelievable.
Jerry: An inch! Can you move over an inch?

Quote from George

Bonnie: Well, here we are. This is the place.
George: Wow.
Bonnie: Do you like it?
George: I love it! This is fantastic! Look at this couch, is this velvet?!
Bonnie: Are you a velvet fan?
George: A fan? I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. And look at this, hardwood floors!

Quote from Elaine

Elaine: Don't worry, Tim. I didn't come by to yell at you. I didn't come by for that at all. I just came by to pick up my label maker. I gave you a label maker and now I would like to have it back.
Tim Whatley: But you gave it to me.
Elaine: But you gave me a ticket to the Super Bowl. Hand it over, Whatley.
Tim Whatley: Uh, okay.
Elaine: You don't have the label maker, do you?
Tim Whatley: Uh, no.
Elaine: I knew it! You're a regifter!

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